THE IMPORTANCE OF COUNSEL (Part 1)

by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle 

  (President of  The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

 

 A wise counsel is a right piece of advice that helps you take the right decision. Right decisions are important because poor decisions have consequences that can affect not only your life but also the people around you. For instance, if you marry a lady and you begin to have issues, it won’t affect only you; it will affect your parents, friends and children even 20 years from now. Your decision now is not only affecting you but things in your future. It is important we begin to realize counsel is important. Jesus took counsel.
For every major decision you have to make in life you need counsel. A lot of people take major decisions in life without involving any person assuming they know it all. Though, some people do involve the wrong set of people.

The issue of marriage is not a joke and I don’t think you should take it lightly. This is the essence of the Singles Fellowship, to know if you are in a right relationship or not and to know if you are prepared for a relationship or not.
There was a man that dated different ladies - a serial dater. He thought every lady had a problem until he started to attend Singles Fellowship. After a few months, he realised he was the problem. Counseling helped him to realise where the problem laid. Some people who are in relationships sometimes when their partners offend them a little, the next thing they say is “I will break up with you.”

Thus, before you go into a relationship

YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED AND IT'S SEEMS NOT TO BE HAPPENING: HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN (PART B)

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle


INTRODUCTION

That you have not gotten married as much as you desire it is not because God is punishing you for your past – what you have done or what you haven’t done. Jesus Christ has paid for your past failures and mistakes; so, God doesn’t remember them any longer as long as you are in Christ Jesus.
Here are certain things you need to do in order to make your marriage happen:

         1.     Step into the supernatural.  God wants to re-brand your life; so, don’t live in regret. The wife or husband you get in the supernatural is the best you can ever have and things will fall in place for you.
         2.     Discover your true identity in Christ Jesus. Don’t fall into the “God says” syndrome and don’t let anyone deceive you by making you feel less spiritual.

YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED AND IT'S SEEMS NOT TO BE HAPPENING: HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN (PART A)

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

INTRODUCTION

Some people have difficulty in getting married; the reason for this message, to help identify where you got it wrong and teach you what to do to make it happen.
Not to be married as at the time you want to be married or expected to be married is a big challenge; especially

in the kind of society we live in. But, you can always find rest in Jesus Christ.
Firstly, you need to rely on God to overcome the challenges of life. Matthew 11:28-30.
Secondly, you need to desire it. Isaiah 34:16. The desire to get married is a good desire because marriage was initiated by God. God's will is for you to get married. But, if there is a delay in you getting married, it may require you to stay more in God's presence. Perhaps, if it is self-inflicted, you need to ask Him which area of your life you must work on.
Here are some reasons why people don't get married as much as they desire it to happen:

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: The Fact, the Fiction and The Chemistry (Part 2)

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

It is difficult to differentiate between love and infatuation because feelings and emotions are inherent in every human being.

Human eyes will naturally crave for some things and see things. But not all that you see are good. So, you need to take a second look and discern properly. If you want a successful relationship, you need to live beyond your physical senses and never make permanent decisions based on what you see.

Love is a covenant that requires commitment and responsibilities. Thus, sometimes, duty comes before feelings in love. You can’t take a covenant at first sight. Love is not on the skin as in a broad chest, or in a good job, nice voice or mundane beauty. Love is deeper than all these. It is the essence of God.

True love is critical to a successful marriage. Marriage is a life time investment in your life and another person which must not be made on mere feelings, emotions and attractions that are temporal (fade away quickly).

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: The Fact, The Fiction and The Chemistry (Part 1)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle
(President of Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

How can you differentiate between the instant attraction and feeling from true love? Is it all about what I see with my eyes or is there more?

In order to build a successful relationship and a marriage that is heaven on earth you must be able to differentiate between LOVE and INFATUATION, so how do you do this?

Love is not a feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you have never felt before. Love is a deliberate choice, a conscious decision you make with total commitment and responsibility towards others.

Research shows that 55% of Christian Singles believe in "love at first sight". Perhaps, this is due to the perverted definitions that Hollywood, Bollywood & Nollywood have given to love which form the basis of our natural instinct for love. Thus, at every opportunity of seeing a dazzling, irresistible, pretty lady or a handsome man, we start to fantasize and momentarily lose control of our mind.

Wanting to love and to be loved is a normal part of life. This is because we are created by God in His image. So, we are wired for love. The concept of love in the world is totally different from that of God’s Kingdom.

It may be love at first sight in the world’s view; it is not in God’s Kingdom. If all you see is all you see, then you are blind. You need to see beyond your natural/physical sight before you decide on love. Thus, it’s always a good idea to take a second look because the first look may be subtly deceptive.

Whenever you make a decision based on what is fleeting which has the ability to fade away, you will have to deal with the bad consequences thereafter.

Love at first sight is only possible if both partners are in God’s glory spirit, soul and body as evident between Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden before the fall of man.

PARENTAL CONSENT FOR MARRIAGE

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

INTRODUCTION

Must your parents or your intended spouse’s parents have to say ‘yes’ before you marry him/her?

Going by the stipulation of the Nigerian Law, it is required that anyone under the age of 21 years must get his/her parental consent (and in the case of absence of these people, your guardian) before you get married to your intended spouse.

Thus, how important is parental consent when considering marriage? Is this a cultural issue that is particular to Africa? Is it as important as we think it is or we can just go ahead with the wedding plans without considering it?

Considering Ephesians 6:1-3; Exodus 20:12, God commanded us to “obey” and “honour” our parents. Though, the meanings we give to these two critical words vary from one culture to another. Nonetheless, most of the cultures on earth appreciate parental input in marriage decision in order to have a successful marital union; especially in Africa where proper family structure is still correctly upheld.

The following are reasons why you need to obey and honour your parents:

SERVICE IN MARRIAGE

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

Service is one of the keys to having a great marriage. Service involves giving yourself joyfully and not grudgingly for the benefit of others. You can give without loving but you can't love without giving.

Marriage is all about service; therefore, you need to learn how to properly serve your spouse. Without service, you can't have a sustainable, successful, blissful and fruitful marriage.

Some people go into marriage with an aim that their partners will meet their needs. This is wrong! You go into marriage with a mindset to give your very best to your partner. This is why it is important to spend more time to invest in your life while you are still single. By so doing, when you get married you will have something worthwhile to deliver to your spouse.

Service doesn't demean or debase the one rendering the service; rather, it brings respect and exaltation.

Service in Marriage

According to Matthew 20:20-28, Jesus is our perfect example because He came to the world to serve. When you go into relationship, you must understand that it not all about you but more about your partner. If you want to be blessed in your marriage, you need to serve your spouse whole-heartedly. A good marriage consists of two committed and cheerful servants while a bad marriage consists of two committed masters.

Note that, the aim of service in marriage is to out-serve or out-do one another and not for competition or rivalry. Thus, there are responsibilities that are attached to being a husband or a wife and this suggest true service.

HOW TO CRITICIZE YOUR SPOUSE CONSTRUCTIVELY

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

Text: Galatians 6:1-5

The issue of criticism cannot be ignored in a relationship. This is simply because we all have our weaknesses and your partner looking at your weaknesses in the relationship might want to react through criticism. Now knowing that we cannot help but criticize and our criticism must be constructive. While criticizing, you must be very careful because your motive must be right otherwise it will be misunderstood and you may fall off your feet.

Criticism is dangerous and can be a destroyer of relationship. If not properly handled and utilized, it may make your partner feel inferior, shameful and lose their sense of belonging. When you criticize someone there is no real guarantee that he/she will change except you do it in the right way.

You can criticize someone without being critical. You need to keep giving him/her pieces of advice from your mind until “you exhaust yourself and lose your mind”. You must operate on the basis of love. Your spouse doesn’t need to earn your love; you must learn to give it as you have the grace of God.

When you criticize your partner, it should be from a genuine concern or simply because you want to be happy together. Proverbs 11:27. If it is of a genuine concern, we will find favour and they will change but when the motive is wrong then you will get the otherwise. Proverbs 18:19-21. Therefore, the legitimate reason for criticism is to improve the other partner and for the relationship to grow. Criticism is a very bad way to make a request from your spouse.

To be able to properly criticize constructively, you need to observe the following:

1.      You need to develop the ability and attitude to overlook a lot of things:

In a relationship, most of the things people fight for or on are irrelevant things because they fail to ignore

HOW TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER (PART 2)

Preached by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

Text: Genesis 2:15-23; Proverbs 15:1-4

        Bringing out the best in your partner requires us to invest on our partner and it is a continuous process. We must invest or sow seeds in our partner in the areas we want to see growth. When we continuously invest in our relationship we will experience growth and progress.

5 Things you can do in order to bring out the best in your partner

1.      Bringing out the best in your partner depends on you and not your partner. You have to understand that in getting into a relationship you must be ready and willingly at all times to invest in your partner. That is why in choosing a life partner you must look out for someone who will add value to you while you do the same. Philippians 2:3.

You must understand the most times duty comes before happiness. What you say or do will determine to a large extent what you will bring out of your partner.

2.      Make your spouse your number one priority after God. Matthew 6:21. To make him/her the first priority after God, you will have to involve him/her in your time, finance, emotions, thought, plans, goals, visions, dreams, talks, chats and decisions. Let him/her understand how deeply in love you are with him/her. When you do these, he/she will rise up to meet your expectations.

3.      Allow him/her free expression. Let him/her be who he/she is and who he/she supposed to be. Giving him/her freedom allows love to grow faster in your relationship. So, allow him/her to be who he/she is whenever you are together. Don’t be fast to judge or condemn him/her when he/she truly and freely comes out. You have to speak to the queen or king respectively in your partner of which will bring the best out of him/her.

4.      You need to support his/her dreams. You have to invest in his/her dreams. You can do this by investing your finance, advice, time, etc in the dreams. Celebrate his/her achievements and success and appreciate him/her. Observe the good things he/she does and don’t crucify him/her.

5.      Bring him/her to God on daily basis in prayers.

HOW TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER (Part 1)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

Text: Hebrews 10:24 (MSG, NLT)

This message will help you to bring out the best in your partner as well as other people you relate with daily.

Marriage is the fusing of two people to become one. This implies that there is compatibility between the two people. Though, it will be painful, it requires a lot of effort and adjustment in order to make it work. What you should ensure is the daily growth of both of you.

Proverbs 18:22 explains that there is a favour that comes with marriage and there are things you need to do that will bring out the best out of your partner. Fights and quarrels or unresolved disagreement can never achieve this. When you see your husband as a king and he also sees you as a queen; you will both bring out the best in your lives.

Relationship requires bringing out the best in your partner and this involve deep thinking. It doesn’t happen 

by default. When you bring out the best in him or her, it results to fruitfulness, joy, honour, happiness, fulfilment, success and victory. So, you need to be innovative, come up with ideas and ways you can achieve this and invest in your partner.

There is a treasure hidden deep in your partner’s life which you need to explore. Like a miner, you need to mine this treasure hidden in him or her and reveal it. just like Jesus Christ came to the world, loved us, saved us and brought out the best in us; you should do nothing less for your partner.

When you are dating someone, you should not do what Jesus Christ will never do to him or her because you are His representative.

Proverbs 27:17-18.

In the beginning, God gave a garden to Adam to keep and tend. The same assignment, mandate or instruction has been given to everyone. Your must keep, protect, grow and improve your spouse. You should learn how to keep and tend the garden.

One of the reasons why some men have challenges in their marriages is because they are not tending their gardens. Your spouse is like a garden which you must take good care of and invest in her so that you can enjoy the fruits she will produce.

If you are in courtship with someone, if you or your partner cannot say after some time that you are better and improved that he or she met you; it means you or your partner aren’t investing (enough) in your relationship. Relationship is a hardwork and you should labour together.

You must love your partner more than you first met him or her. This is because you must have been discovering each other all along. In order to help your partner in knowing you well, even when he or she annoys you, you should behave well and learn a better way of doing things. Make sure you always resolve your differences so that they don’t degenerate into crises. When he or she offends you, make sure you bring the best out of him or her even with the offence. This is an act of genuine and sincere love. Before you act or do anything in your relationship ask yourself this question: “will this action bring out the best out of him or her?”

Nobody has ever divorced because they cannot meet the needs of their spouses. They divorced because their own needs are not met.

Because love involves bringing out the best out of your partner, you should seek for how you can invest in him or her and do things primarily in his or her interests. This is why relationship requires lot of patience.

Whatever you desire to see in your spouse make sure you work it out in him or her. Make sure all you do is to bring out the best in him or her. As you work towards your growth, ensure that you are always on the same page, working together.

RESULTS OF BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN YOUR PARTNER

The following are some of the results of bringing out the best in your partner.

      1.       It brings out the best in you:- Whatever you sow you will reap. What you should do or ways you should react should be in such a way as to bring out the best in him or her. By doing so he or she will not only grow, you will grow as well.

     2.       It helps your both of you to fulfill God’s work or assignment for your relationship. This enhances the fulfillment of what God called both of you to do.

     3.       It creates a wonderful environment for your children to grow. They will observe both of you and desire to grow and become like you.

     4.       It creates an atmosphere of love that will help your growth. Love is a decision you take which requires lots of effort. This effort can only be achieve when you submit yourself to the Holy Spirit. It is not a feeling you feel when you feel something you have never felt before. It is a choice you must make to be patient even when situations don’t warrant it. Remember, bringing out the best in him or her requires patience.

“Patience” means “bearing pains and trials very calmly without any complain.” That is why the first thing love is, is patience. It is a very vital means of bringing out the best in your spouse. Make sure that you don’t always seek your right but the right of your partner. Make sure you firstly discover your values, focus and vision in life. You need to know his or her values as well so that you can know where you will have to invest in his or her life.

Whatever you do to him or her, do as though God is working in you and through you to him or her. As His representative, you should always do good because God will never do wrong.

No relationship leaves you the same way it met you. It will either make you better or bitter. So, work hard to build your relationship. Where to start is to begin in Jesus Christ and build a strong foundation in a strong relationship with Him. If anything goes wrong along the way, you can always call on Him and get back to the foundation to seek for help.

Perhaps, you realize you need to surround your life and relationship to Jesus Christ today; you don’t need to wait for the next moment. If you want to decide for Him, pray this prayer with me right now: 

“Lord Jesus, I confess that you are Lord. I believe You died and rose from the dead for my sake. Forgive my sins, be my Saviour and make me a child of God from this day forward. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name.”

We look forward to seeing you in our fellowship which holds every Monday at The Fountain of Life Church, Ilupeju, Lagos by 6pm.

God bless you.