- The Single and Married

PARENTAL CONSENT FOR MARRIAGE

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

INTRODUCTION

Must your parents or your intended spouse’s parents have to say ‘yes’ before you marry him/her?

Going by the stipulation of the Nigerian Law, it is required that anyone under the age of 21 years must get his/her parental consent (and in the case of absence of these people, your guardian) before you get married to your intended spouse.

Thus, how important is parental consent when considering marriage? Is this a cultural issue that is particular to Africa? Is it as important as we think it is or we can just go ahead with the wedding plans without considering it?

Considering Ephesians 6:1-3; Exodus 20:12, God commanded us to “obey” and “honour” our parents. Though, the meanings we give to these two critical words vary from one culture to another. Nonetheless, most of the cultures on earth appreciate parental input in marriage decision in order to have a successful marital union; especially in Africa where proper family structure is still correctly upheld.

The following are reasons why you need to obey and honour your parents:

1. For things to go well for you in life.

2. For you to live long (and happily) on earth.

3. Because it pleases the Lord. If you please Him He will ensure you are as well pleased. Colossians 3:20.

“To honour” means “to reveres” or “to place value on something”. Therefore, you need to value your parents and your intended spouse’s parents.

How do people define honour? The definition to honour is subject to the society, custom and culture where we live. Although, we live in depraved societies today where abnormal practices have replaced the norms. Some godless customs and cultures are promoted within the society for people to practice. It is important to note that whatever definition is given to honour as regards our subject of discussion, it must be consistent with the Word of God.

In some cultures, many people think many ways they honour their parents are ways of paying back for all they had done for them in life. Not at all! This is unbiblical. Honouring your parents has nothing to do with paying back for whatever they have done for you. It is not dependent on all they did for you in raising you up. You must honour them simply because they give you life (Proverbs 23:22) and that the Lord said you should honour them.

Just as your Pastor or Spiritual Mentor is a means or channel through which God brings you came into Spiritual Life; your parents are channels through which God brought you to this physical life.

Being a parent is an office that comes with specific anointing. God has given specific authority and anointing to function for parents in order to raise and nurture the seeds (children) He gives them. This anointing carries blessings. Though, some parents abuse the authority and misuse the anointing; nevertheless, you must honour them.

It is true that there are unreasonable parents. Honour them still because there are blessings in the mouths of all parents deposited by God for their children. Genesis 49:1-28.

Never discard their blessings by dishonouring them. God has given them power to empower you for living (marriage) and honouring them is a crucial way for them to empower you. Don’t take for granted the legitimate and most expedient issues or reasons why your parents will not give their consents for your marriage choice.

In some cases, most parents are motivated by their love for their children because they want the best for them. On the other hand, perhaps they want to live a dream through their children; a dream which they never lived. So, it may sometimes be for selfish reasons or selfish interests which they try to propagate in their children.

WHAT TO DO TO AVOID WRONG PARENTAL DISPOSITION AND IF THEY SAY NO, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

Ensure you properly prepare your partner and teach him/her what he/she must primarily know about your parents’ expectations (especially) when he/she is visiting them for the first time. Learn how to greet them and how to correctly communicate with them with necessary courtesy. Take much cognizance of this if your intended partner is from a tribe/culture other than yours.
Avoid giving too much information about your intended spouse to your parents before and after he/she meets them for the first time. Give only necessary information about him/her and you don’t have to give unnecessary details. Be careful on the kind of information you give to them about him/her so that they will not use the information against him/her indiscriminately.
Do you have a track record of making good decisions which are known to your parents? If you have always shown them you are foolish and don’t make right decisions, they will view your marriage choice as one of your foolish decisions (or as usual). So, make sure you make good decisions that they have once positively sanctioned before making marital choice.
If your parents or intended spouse’s parents say no, make sure you find out with wisdom the reason(s) and patiently inquire from them why they say no. Is there something you are blind which they have seen about your decision? Be dispassionate about your choice in order to realize the truth and don’t struggle with them. Sit down with them and pray to hear from God for a direction and specific instructions on how to handle the matter. Proverbs 15:1-2. Don’t be rude to them and don’t dishonor them.
You need to also find out; does your parent have a track record of making good decisions and right counsel? Then, think wisely before you act on their consent or counsel so that you will not regret you final decisions.
Never make any decision in haste or while you are in confusion. Remember that, God uses our parents to guide us because they may see certain things we don’t see. But you may have to disobey them if they insist on the following before giving you their consent:

a. Idolatry – This includes all idolatrous practices like occultism and other evil practices that are contrary to God’s injunctions.

b. Anti-Christ activities – This includes all activities (or blasphemous activities) that challenge the sovereign authority and power of Jesus Christ (supremacy of Jesus Christ). Pre-marital sex and other sexual immoralities, disobedience to God’s word and instructions, etc.

All that you need to have a good life as a Christian is all that you need to have a good, successful and fruitful marriage. The simple truth is you need Jesus Christ to live a purposeful and fulfilled life. More so, you need Him to build a successful, fruitful and fulfilled marriage.

Perhaps, you realize you need to surround your life and relationship to Jesus Christ today; you don’t need to wait for the next moment. If you want to decide for Him, pray this prayer with me right now:

“Lord Jesus, I confess that you are Lord. I believe You died and rose from the dead for my sake. Forgive my sins, be my Saviour and make me a child of God from this day forward. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name.”

We look forward to seeing you in our fellowship which holds every Monday at The Fountain of Life Church, Ilupeju, Lagos by 6pm.

God bless you.