THE IMPORTANCE OF COUNSEL (Part 1)

by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle 

  (President of  The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

 

 A wise counsel is a right piece of advice that helps you take the right decision. Right decisions are important because poor decisions have consequences that can affect not only your life but also the people around you. For instance, if you marry a lady and you begin to have issues, it won’t affect only you; it will affect your parents, friends and children even 20 years from now. Your decision now is not only affecting you but things in your future. It is important we begin to realize counsel is important. Jesus took counsel.
For every major decision you have to make in life you need counsel. A lot of people take major decisions in life without involving any person assuming they know it all. Though, some people do involve the wrong set of people.

The issue of marriage is not a joke and I don’t think you should take it lightly. This is the essence of the Singles Fellowship, to know if you are in a right relationship or not and to know if you are prepared for a relationship or not.
There was a man that dated different ladies - a serial dater. He thought every lady had a problem until he started to attend Singles Fellowship. After a few months, he realised he was the problem. Counseling helped him to realise where the problem laid. Some people who are in relationships sometimes when their partners offend them a little, the next thing they say is “I will break up with you.”

Thus, before you go into a relationship

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: The Fact, the Fiction and The Chemistry (Part 2)

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

It is difficult to differentiate between love and infatuation because feelings and emotions are inherent in every human being.

Human eyes will naturally crave for some things and see things. But not all that you see are good. So, you need to take a second look and discern properly. If you want a successful relationship, you need to live beyond your physical senses and never make permanent decisions based on what you see.

Love is a covenant that requires commitment and responsibilities. Thus, sometimes, duty comes before feelings in love. You can’t take a covenant at first sight. Love is not on the skin as in a broad chest, or in a good job, nice voice or mundane beauty. Love is deeper than all these. It is the essence of God.

True love is critical to a successful marriage. Marriage is a life time investment in your life and another person which must not be made on mere feelings, emotions and attractions that are temporal (fade away quickly).

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: The Fact, The Fiction and The Chemistry (Part 1)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle
(President of Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

How can you differentiate between the instant attraction and feeling from true love? Is it all about what I see with my eyes or is there more?

In order to build a successful relationship and a marriage that is heaven on earth you must be able to differentiate between LOVE and INFATUATION, so how do you do this?

Love is not a feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you have never felt before. Love is a deliberate choice, a conscious decision you make with total commitment and responsibility towards others.

Research shows that 55% of Christian Singles believe in "love at first sight". Perhaps, this is due to the perverted definitions that Hollywood, Bollywood & Nollywood have given to love which form the basis of our natural instinct for love. Thus, at every opportunity of seeing a dazzling, irresistible, pretty lady or a handsome man, we start to fantasize and momentarily lose control of our mind.

Wanting to love and to be loved is a normal part of life. This is because we are created by God in His image. So, we are wired for love. The concept of love in the world is totally different from that of God’s Kingdom.

It may be love at first sight in the world’s view; it is not in God’s Kingdom. If all you see is all you see, then you are blind. You need to see beyond your natural/physical sight before you decide on love. Thus, it’s always a good idea to take a second look because the first look may be subtly deceptive.

Whenever you make a decision based on what is fleeting which has the ability to fade away, you will have to deal with the bad consequences thereafter.

Love at first sight is only possible if both partners are in God’s glory spirit, soul and body as evident between Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden before the fall of man.

PARENTAL CONSENT FOR MARRIAGE

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

INTRODUCTION

Must your parents or your intended spouse’s parents have to say ‘yes’ before you marry him/her?

Going by the stipulation of the Nigerian Law, it is required that anyone under the age of 21 years must get his/her parental consent (and in the case of absence of these people, your guardian) before you get married to your intended spouse.

Thus, how important is parental consent when considering marriage? Is this a cultural issue that is particular to Africa? Is it as important as we think it is or we can just go ahead with the wedding plans without considering it?

Considering Ephesians 6:1-3; Exodus 20:12, God commanded us to “obey” and “honour” our parents. Though, the meanings we give to these two critical words vary from one culture to another. Nonetheless, most of the cultures on earth appreciate parental input in marriage decision in order to have a successful marital union; especially in Africa where proper family structure is still correctly upheld.

The following are reasons why you need to obey and honour your parents:

HOW TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER (PART 2)

Preached by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

Text: Genesis 2:15-23; Proverbs 15:1-4

        Bringing out the best in your partner requires us to invest on our partner and it is a continuous process. We must invest or sow seeds in our partner in the areas we want to see growth. When we continuously invest in our relationship we will experience growth and progress.

5 Things you can do in order to bring out the best in your partner

1.      Bringing out the best in your partner depends on you and not your partner. You have to understand that in getting into a relationship you must be ready and willingly at all times to invest in your partner. That is why in choosing a life partner you must look out for someone who will add value to you while you do the same. Philippians 2:3.

You must understand the most times duty comes before happiness. What you say or do will determine to a large extent what you will bring out of your partner.

2.      Make your spouse your number one priority after God. Matthew 6:21. To make him/her the first priority after God, you will have to involve him/her in your time, finance, emotions, thought, plans, goals, visions, dreams, talks, chats and decisions. Let him/her understand how deeply in love you are with him/her. When you do these, he/she will rise up to meet your expectations.

3.      Allow him/her free expression. Let him/her be who he/she is and who he/she supposed to be. Giving him/her freedom allows love to grow faster in your relationship. So, allow him/her to be who he/she is whenever you are together. Don’t be fast to judge or condemn him/her when he/she truly and freely comes out. You have to speak to the queen or king respectively in your partner of which will bring the best out of him/her.

4.      You need to support his/her dreams. You have to invest in his/her dreams. You can do this by investing your finance, advice, time, etc in the dreams. Celebrate his/her achievements and success and appreciate him/her. Observe the good things he/she does and don’t crucify him/her.

5.      Bring him/her to God on daily basis in prayers.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES: 7 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN (Part 2)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

The first thing you will find out when you get married is that “love is patient.” God designed a woman different from man with a reason. Although, there are exceptional cases; but the differences we are considering are for most men and women.
The way a man thinks as different from the way a woman thinks is to help in decision making in their relationship. Both are not to compete because of their differences, but to complement each other.
Sometimes, duty comes before joy and happiness. So, men need to be patient and very wise enough to handle their spouses so that they can be happy in their relationship.

DIFFERENCE 2: - PHYSICAL DIFFERENCE

      1. The physical appeal or appearance of a man and a woman usually shows certain differences between the duo. While a man’s body shape is straight and rectangular with strong biceps, a woman’s body shape is curvy and busty. Someone once opined that God must have made man from raw materials and woman from finished products.
      2. Women have more hormones than men. This is why they are more emotional and very touchy. For instance, when a woman is pregnant or in her menstrual cycle, her hormones are usual in high action that she gets to be very touchy and emotional.
When women with such abilities submit to the Holy Spirit, they will be able to control their emotions and act in ways they will not hurt themselves or other people.
      3. In 1 Peter 3:7, we can infer that men are usually physically strong. Most men are usually 15% stronger than most women. This is to help them fulfill their roles as a “protector” and a “provider” for their families. Man’s God’s given strength is not for him to beat his wife turning her to a punching bag; or bully the children under the disguise of chastening them. It is for him to serve her and the entire family.
     4. Men are moved by what they see physically but women are moved by what they hear. So, while most men engage in looking around and surveying, women engage in talking and listening to hear good things.
     5. Sexual Drive: - Sex is only to be practiced in marriage. The sexual drive for men is always present. Men are usually the initiators of sex and for them they can have sex anywhere. For women, it must be in a conducive environment, comfortable enough to stimulate them and build up their emotions because they want a sexual build-up. Most women want to be prepared mentally before having sex. Don’t just get her annoyed or tired because she always want to be prepared emotionally and mentally before having sex.
     6. Women response to feelings while men response to sight (what they see). You must treat her with much care. Give her surprise calls and gifts. Give her sweet compliments and good gestures. You can send her sweet rose flowers. Just do things for her out of the ordinary. You can also help her in doing some of the house chores and in the kitchen. Because men are moved by sight, women should make sure they look queenly gorgeous at all times for their spouses. For instance, wake up early in the morning to appear before your husband as a clean queen so that he carry a beautiful picture of you as he steps out of home for work. By this, he will be able to keep a good memory of you throughout the day, keep the communication with you and avoid liable temptations.

DIFFERENCE 3: - WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL, MEN ARE LOGICAL

     1. Though all people are in touch with their emotions, but women are more emotional than men. They are usually prone to feelings. They say words like the following when engaged in discussions: “you don’t know how I feel”, “dear”, etc. They refer most times to their feelings when in conversing.
On the other hand, men are logical as they always want to reason out things. They ask questions to get down understanding in details every bit of an issue or situation. When it comes to business, work, family, etc, he is usually logical because he wants to take responsibility for all things.
Most women keep silent when they are highly emotional and troubled. When you she says to you “nothing”, you need to just hold her hands and keep silent. There are many things to learn and understand in silence.
Sometimes, the emotions of women are right and same time, the logic of men is right. Then, it is important to be wise in taking decision. Research has proven that more women are treated for depression than men because they are more emotional.
     2.  You need to be careful on how you handle the issue of money in a relationship. Women can be very emotional in giving. She barely thinks before giving out money. But, a man ordinarily will first of all sit down and reason out things before taking a decision or action. Women are usually drawn to people in need than most men. What is most important that both of you should always seek is whether both of you are happy or not.

Woman Crying Uncontrollably

    3. Most women cry about four times more than men. This affects them in their life endeavours even in spiritual matters.
    4. When women are emotional, they talk more. But for men, they rather bottle up and get angry than get to talking. When you have any disagreement in your relationship, make sure you quickly sought out things and don’t hide your forgiveness. As a man, you are a leader; you are the first that should seek for reconciliation and forgive. Resolving issues is not about what or who is right or wrong. When your spouse unearth her emotions – the way she feels, it will help a lot in solving many problems. So, allow her to talk.
Men should understand women’s emotions in order to avoid manipulation.

DIFFERENCE 4: - WOMEN ARE INTUITIVE, MEN ARE ANALYTICAL

    1. When a woman talks, you need to listen. She will seem nagging at times; it is because you haven’t heard her. Though some women nag when they talk about their emotions and feelings. When a woman talks and expresses herself, she doesn’t necessarily wants you to proffer solutions but just to listen attentive to her.
Men that know how to treat their spouses well are those who know how to listen attentively.
Women should support the logical visions, goals and ambitions or dreams of their spouses.

A TALK SHOW tagged “Where is my Prince Charming?”

Moderator: Pastor Kunle Osunkunle (President, Single and Married Fellowship)

Discussant: Pastor Segun Williams, Pastor Mrs. Mary, Sister Bolaji and Bro. Akinyemi Bolaji.

Every Single man and woman always looks forward to getting into relationship and getting married. Therefore, immense pressure begins to set in within and without. Pressure from parents, siblings, peers, friends, colleagues and community where you live. You then begin to look up to when your Prince Charming or Cinderella will show up and start a relationship.

Waiting now becomes a germane issue. If you ask someone in such a situation, the usual response is “I’m waiting.” Perhaps, each time you attend a wedding occasion, you are told that you are the next groom or bride.

In fact, your parents, friends, siblings, and peers will give you disgusting suggestions and ideas or pieces of irritating advice.

The questions here are “How do you wait for the right man or woman?” “What are you supposed to do while waiting?”

This discussion attempts to answer these critical questions.

Many Single people live as if Single life is a time for mourning. You need to enjoy your Single life while waiting on God for the right and best suitor.

One important thing you should do is to watch your wrong attitudes that are liable to push away good people from your life. You can change with the help of the Holy Spirit.

QUESTION 1: “What can I do to be date-able and how can I attract my Prince charming?”

SPEAKER 1:  Pastor Mary explained using her personal experiences. She got married at 42 years old.

It is true that intense pressure will come to the extent that you will almost forget to celebrate your birth date. This perhaps could begin from your family members who will stand to suggest things to you as if to add to God in your life. But the question remains, “Are you waiting on the Lord or you are waiting just for the brother or sister to come?” You have got to be focused. This was what she did that helped her. She knew that her attitudes had to change. You need to do this so that when he or she comes, he or she will be able to see who you really are.

SPEAKER 2:  Brother Bolaji Akinyemi emphasized that there is a phase in life that we should get married. More so, you should have an idea of what you want because several things will come your way at this phase of your life.

SPEAKER 3:  Sister Bolaji added that she is now quite over 30 years and her family concluded that she should go and get pregnant with probably a widower or even a married man; but she should ensure that the man’s wife does not know. God later assured her that He will grant her a godly man as her husband. If He could provide her a car and an apartment when she needed them, why would she think that God will not get her a husband?

SPEAKER 4:  Brother Segun Williams put it like this. At this time, you will receive pieces of advice because of the misconception people have about marriage. Some think the reason to marry is because their parents are disturbing them then they should marry or simply because age is catching up with them. Why do some people get married early while some marry late? In fact, some people don’t help the situation as they prolong the single phase through their attitudes. Just like the Israelites who stayed in the land of captivity for 430 years instead of 400 years and also wandered in the wilderness for 40 years instead of 40 days and 40 nights. Instead of waiting, some people get engaged in murmuring and complaining. Enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going.

In addition to these, it is important to note that our individual divine assignments differ; as a result, individual waiting period differs as well as the preparation period. You should stop been desperate and discover who you are. Discover yourself and make yourself a good man or woman; so that the good man or woman comes, he or she will find you prepared and as a good thing to desire. Ensure that you stay around people that will encourage you in the time of waiting.

It is a challenge to live as a Christian, because you cannot do things any how just like the unbelievers. Ensure you listen to God and not people, and you must begin to think with your mind and allow God to speak you.

QUESTION 2:  “Am in a relationship where my partner doesn’t want me to complain. If I complain, he says that I am nagging, what should I do?

SPEAKER 1:  You need to call for a meeting where both of you will sit down to discuss on it. Talk about it and if he is not willing for you to voice out, you may be in a wrong relationship. Then, it is best to call it a quit. A man that will not hear the opinion of his partner will not make a good husband and vice versa.

SPEAKER 2: You need to discover how to communicate with him; by then, if he is still not going to hear your opinion, there is a serious fundamental problem. A woman should not nag, but if she does, it simply implies that she is saying something he is not listening to.

Women are born naturally to be talkers. Therefore, men should learn to be good listener and be patient enough so as to understand them and be good communicators. Consequently, women should learn to be considerate when discussing and understand men’s creation as well.

More so, men should help the women on how to present issues as such that will not offend their creation. You need to be mindful of the time to present your issues to your partner as well.

Summary:

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW AND DO WHILE WAITING

1. You need to be very fervent in prayers. First of all, you need to know that you are to wait on God not on a man or woman as you look forward to starting a relationship and marriage. As you wait on God, don’t be afraid or doubtful.
2. Change your attitude.
3. Be focused on God and not on the intended Prince Charming or Cinderella. Trust alone in God.
4. Avoid being desperate. A decision taken in desperation will cause you to act desperately and desperate actions are always bitter and regretful actions.
5. Develop friendship. God will bring a lot of people around you; make sure you build right friendship with people since you cannot marry an enemy but a friend.
6. You need to develop high sensitivity in the spirit through the help of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, you need to build a strong and intimate relationship first with God. You can only find a good and godly, virtuous woman (wife) by the help and favor of God. Proverbs 18:22.
7. Serve God. The fact that you need favor as to find a desirable wife or husband should make you serve God. But it has to be a deliberate act.
8. Speak to God always about your need. If you can ask God for food, shelter, money, job, clothing and other material possessions because you believe He can provide them; you should believe as well that He is able to give you a wife or husband. He will grant you favor. Matthew 7:7-11.
9. Discover the reason why you need to get married. You need to answer the question on why you want to get married. Different people get married for different reasons; you cannot afford to get married for the wrong reasons.
10.  Get a vision for marriage. You need to have a vision for your desired marriage and have plans. This is part of the indispensable preparations you need to do before you get into a relationship and get married.
11.  Build and develop yourself into a good and desirable man or woman. A good man or woman will attract a good woman or man respectively. Then, people can desire you and become inestimable like an expensive jewel.
12.  Get busy. Waiting period is not a time for idleness as to play around or be engaged with worthless activities that can jeopardize your visions and dreams. Add eventfully to your life.
13.  Get to know. It is also a time to learn all necessary things and get useful information you need; especially about your opposite sex, knowledge about yourself and your intended partner.

To be continued…watch out for the next post!

Join us @ Single and Married Fellowship at The Fountain of Life Church, Ilupeju, Lagos State, Nigeria every Monday by 6:00pm prompt.