The Single and Married

SERVICE IN MARRIAGE

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

Service is one of the keys to having a great marriage. Service involves giving yourself joyfully and not grudgingly for the benefit of others. You can give without loving but you can't love without giving.

Marriage is all about service; therefore, you need to learn how to properly serve your spouse. Without service, you can't have a sustainable, successful, blissful and fruitful marriage.

Some people go into marriage with an aim that their partners will meet their needs. This is wrong! You go into marriage with a mindset to give your very best to your partner. This is why it is important to spend more time to invest in your life while you are still single. By so doing, when you get married you will have something worthwhile to deliver to your spouse.

Service doesn't demean or debase the one rendering the service; rather, it brings respect and exaltation.

Service in Marriage

According to Matthew 20:20-28, Jesus is our perfect example because He came to the world to serve. When you go into relationship, you must understand that it not all about you but more about your partner. If you want to be blessed in your marriage, you need to serve your spouse whole-heartedly. A good marriage consists of two committed and cheerful servants while a bad marriage consists of two committed masters.

Note that, the aim of service in marriage is to out-serve or out-do one another and not for competition or rivalry. Thus, there are responsibilities that are attached to being a husband or a wife and this suggest true service.

INGREDIENTS FOR SERVICE TO AVOID BURNING OUT IN A RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE

   1. A tender and compassionate heart. Phil. 2:1-5

   2. Understanding. You need to understand that both of you are in the same team and you are expected to work together as a team for one purpose and a single goal.

   3. You need to be selfless. Don't be selfish and don't think of yourself better than your spouse. Don't always think to do things in your own way without considering the opinion of your spouse. Don't look out for your interest but the interest of your spouse. This is what service entails.

   4. Humility. This is very critical to the success of any relationship and marriage. For you to be a husband or a wife, you must be humble. Humility is a motive that reflects in our actions/deeds.

   5. Giving. This is another critical ingredient. It is an important act of service. Don't give away to others what you have not first given to your spouse. E.g. To give respect, patience, peace, love, gifts, etc to anyone, you need to firstly give them to your spouse.  What you haven't given away to your spouse at home should not be given to others outside your home. Otherwise, you are a hypocrite.

   6. Motivation. You need to motivate your spouse to love. Since the goal of service in marriage is to outdo each other, don't compete. Rather encourage your spouse and rightly motivate him//her to joyfully serve you. Avoid "it's your role syndrome". Always help one another. Your spouse is your sparring partner with whom you train daily to get better in practice, taking turn to perfect your abilities as a team and not as opponents.

   7. Diligence and Focus. Both of you need to be very diligent and focused.  You need to be sincere as well. Romans 12:9-10.

   8. Fervency in the Spirit. This implies honouring God as well as your spouse. Love is a verb, it is an action word that involves doing. You can't grow or increase in love if you don't consistently serve your spouse joyfully. Although this doesn't come naturally to us. Thus, the need for right motivation and fervency in the spirit.

   9. Do all things for your spouse as unto the Lord. Col. 3:23-24. No man/woman can truly fulfill all your needs in life or give you full needed satisfactions except God. So, all you do should be with the mind that you are doing them for God. Only God can give you your full reward. When you serve, it is important that your service is relevant and meaningful. As you serve your spouse, you will get better, lighten up his/her load, have a change of perspective of your spouse and rekindle your love for one another.

Consequently, even when he/she doesn't recognize or adequately appreciate the services you render to him/her, keep doing them because God will fully reward you.

EXAMPLES OF SERVICE IN A RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE

   (a)    Anticipates your spouse's needs and fulfill them. He/she doesn't have to tell you, you need to be discerning and be quick to act. Once you rightly sense his/her needs don't delay or hesitate to meet the needs.

   (b)   Do the things you hate. Sometimes, you need to do the things you don't like. Get interested in what he/she enjoys and like doing. Make things easier for your spouse.

   (c)    Women are more tilted to service than most men. E.g. There is nothing on earth that makes it right to stop men from changing their baby's diapers. You should sit down with your children and cheerfully teach them and help them with their home works/assignments. Ensure you lighten your wife's house work-load.

   (d)   Always ask your spouse "what can I do for you?" At times, your intention may be right but may be meeting wrong needs. So, always ask him/her what his/her needs are and what you can do for him/her.

   (e)    One of the greatest ways to serve your spouse is to pray for him/her. Prayer requires great devotion and commitment. If you are entering into marriage, you must understand that it is a joyful work and service powered by the Holy Spirit.

In our cultures, it is more difficult for men to serve and easier for women to serve due to how we grow up and the society we live in. Men are used to being served than to serve others at home. Thus, men need to consciously develop strengths to serve their wives and at the same time; wives should not relent in delivering quality service to their husbands.

BENEFITS OF SERVICE IN A RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE

   (i) It results to a sustainable, successful and fruitful union.

   (ii) It projects the Kingdom of God and His plans for humanity.

   (iii) It helps in meeting individual needs.

   (iv) It brings divine blessings.

   (v) It enhances fulfillment of marriage responsibilities.

   (vi) It promotes unity in the union and with the Holy Spirit.

   (vii) It commands divine rewards.

   (viii) It improves love among the members of the family within the home; love between the two partners and their children. It binds them together more and more.

   (ix) It gives right impression that your spouse will invest more in your dreams.

   (x) It brings more respect and exaltation.

   (xi) You both become more romantic.

It pays to serve one another faithfully.

Where to start your service is to serve the Lord with all your heart/mind, soul and body. And you can't serve Him except you believe in Him and receive Him into your life. To accept Him into your life for a fresh marriage service, please pray in this manner:

"Lord Jesus, I am a sinner. Please come into my life and forgive all my sins. I believe you died for my sins and rose from the dead. Now, fill me with Your Holy Spirit and guide me from this day forward. Help me to joyfully and faithfully serve You and serve my husband/wife. Thank You Lord for loving me. Amen."

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