HANDLING PRIDE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

One of the most important vices that must be overcome in order to have a fruitful and successful relationship is PRIDE. Many people have made a mess of their lives and relationships due to pride.

When a known Christian falls into a sin of fornication and carelessly gets pregnant, it is often due to pride, at times, when he/she get puffed up with the knowledge you think you have about relationship

Even married couples need to deal with it too because it is very destructive. Lucifer was sent out of heaven because of it. Ezekiel 28. There are know and unknown things in our lives that often give elevated opinions about ourselves. We need to watch out. There are so many people who have lost their gifts because of pride.

There is always something in your life that you look at that causes you to be prideful and therefore based on that you become prideful to others and elevate yourself unusually. There is nothing we have that we didn’t receive. Why do you boast as if you were self-made? There is no self-made man; you should realize that all glory must return to God.

Pride is deeply in the heart of every man and this makes us to tend to discuss and compare ourselves with others when we meet. It is part of human nature to compare oneself with others. So, you need to deal with it.

DEFINITIONS

1.      Pride always have resultant effects and causes you to sin. Pride leads to anger, anger leads to malice, malice leads to hatred and hatred leads to others sins. This is how pride progresses on in sin. It was through pride that the Devil became the devil. Every time you are prideful, you become an opponent of God.

2.      Pride is simply thinking you are better than somebody else. It reflects in a relationship when your partner is not willing to hear your opinions on a matter, thereby making you feel like a moron. It is a deceiving spirit that makes you feel you are always right and makes you despise spiritual instructions and advices. It will hinder you from seeking for useful counsels and advices because you think you know. You always want endorsement. It results into failure at all times.

3.      Pride is the absence of humility and teachable spirit. Prideful people also boast that they don’t change their minds. It is self worship or idolatry as such that you believe you are your own god.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH PRIDE?

1.      Pride changes your way of thinking from best to worst. You think only about yourself where you feel your opinions, feelings and emotions are superior at all times. As such, you will always hurt others and never say “I am sorry” when you are wrong.

2.      Pride makes you prone to mistakes and errors. Proverbs 11:2. Prideful people always miss out useful information needed to make best decisions because they feel they know. Therefore, they will always make serious mistakes and errors. Not accepting possible mistakes committed is a sign of pride. With mistakes come shame and destruction. Pride steals your identity. Prideful people always want the spot light to be on them and are usually selfish. He/she wants the partner to always be centre of attraction and become intimidated if otherwise. Then, tries to manipulate him or her as to dominate.

3.      Pride is the source of contention and friction or conflict in a relationship. Proverbs 13:10. There is nothing as honourable as learning to say “sorry”. A lot of people seek after who is right rather than what is right. Men have a lot of ego; therefore, women have to learn submission. To do this, you have to be filled with the Holy Spirit and always speak in tongues so as to be able to always speak right and use helpful words.

4.      Pride makes you blind to your fault, disregard other people’s views and disrespect them. It makes you non-progressive and obstinate. Any thing that the Spirit can’t change in you makes you prideful.

WHY IS PRIDE TO BE DEALT WITH?

        1.      It is a sin. Proverbs 21:4 (MSG). Any prideful man is distinguished by wickedness.

        2.      It will be punished and judged by God. Proverbs 16:5 (NLT).

        3.      God hates pride. Proverbs 6:16. God resists the proud people and makes it makes you become          God’s opponent. James 4:6.

        4.      It is a route to destruction. Proverbs 16:18.

        5.      It takes you far from God. Psalms 10:4. When you are in a relationship and you are prideful, God stays far away from you.

        6.      It makes you a fool.

        7.      It is a recipe for disgrace and shame. Daniel 5:20 (NKJV). When you get into pride, your heart and spirit get hardened. That is when you become obstinate.

        8.      It short-circuits your life and relationships. Ecclesiastes 7:8.

HOW TO HANDLE PRIDE

1 Corinthians 13:4; Ephesians 4:2

1.    Walk in love and be patient with people:  People will make mistakes because they are not up to your standard, so be very patient with them. You should know and understand that there are people that are better and richer than you. God is so generous that He makes all things go. That is why charm is deceitful and beauty fades away or disappears with time.

2.    Always be humble and gentle:         It is impossible to be humble without being gentle. How you want to be treated, treat others. Humility pleases God. In life, because we all have different views and dealings, it is not wrong to have a different opinions and thoughts. You agree to disagree. So, you should also disagree to agree. With humility comes honour. Every time you want to have your way, check your spiritual antenna because it takes the Spirit to be humble and gentle.
Marriage is like a service; if you should compete, compete on who to serve most not otherwise. The best way you enjoy sex in marriage is to have the attitude of servicehood, a situation where you always seek to give desirable pleasure and satisfaction to your partner.
It takes humility to learn and carry out servicehood. That you are a jovial person doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have boundaries. You should draw and define boundaries. Every relationship should have a boundary.

May the Lord help you with His Spirit and strengthen your faith in Him. Amen.

A TALK SHOW tagged “Where is my Prince Charming?”

Moderator: Pastor Kunle Osunkunle (President, Single and Married Fellowship)

Discussant: Pastor Segun Williams, Pastor Mrs. Mary, Sister Bolaji and Bro. Akinyemi Bolaji.

Every Single man and woman always looks forward to getting into relationship and getting married. Therefore, immense pressure begins to set in within and without. Pressure from parents, siblings, peers, friends, colleagues and community where you live. You then begin to look up to when your Prince Charming or Cinderella will show up and start a relationship.

Waiting now becomes a germane issue. If you ask someone in such a situation, the usual response is “I’m waiting.” Perhaps, each time you attend a wedding occasion, you are told that you are the next groom or bride.

In fact, your parents, friends, siblings, and peers will give you disgusting suggestions and ideas or pieces of irritating advice.

The questions here are “How do you wait for the right man or woman?” “What are you supposed to do while waiting?”

This discussion attempts to answer these critical questions.

Many Single people live as if Single life is a time for mourning. You need to enjoy your Single life while waiting on God for the right and best suitor.

One important thing you should do is to watch your wrong attitudes that are liable to push away good people from your life. You can change with the help of the Holy Spirit.

QUESTION 1: “What can I do to be date-able and how can I attract my Prince charming?”

SPEAKER 1:  Pastor Mary explained using her personal experiences. She got married at 42 years old.

It is true that intense pressure will come to the extent that you will almost forget to celebrate your birth date. This perhaps could begin from your family members who will stand to suggest things to you as if to add to God in your life. But the question remains, “Are you waiting on the Lord or you are waiting just for the brother or sister to come?” You have got to be focused. This was what she did that helped her. She knew that her attitudes had to change. You need to do this so that when he or she comes, he or she will be able to see who you really are.

SPEAKER 2:  Brother Bolaji Akinyemi emphasized that there is a phase in life that we should get married. More so, you should have an idea of what you want because several things will come your way at this phase of your life.

SPEAKER 3:  Sister Bolaji added that she is now quite over 30 years and her family concluded that she should go and get pregnant with probably a widower or even a married man; but she should ensure that the man’s wife does not know. God later assured her that He will grant her a godly man as her husband. If He could provide her a car and an apartment when she needed them, why would she think that God will not get her a husband?

SPEAKER 4:  Brother Segun Williams put it like this. At this time, you will receive pieces of advice because of the misconception people have about marriage. Some think the reason to marry is because their parents are disturbing them then they should marry or simply because age is catching up with them. Why do some people get married early while some marry late? In fact, some people don’t help the situation as they prolong the single phase through their attitudes. Just like the Israelites who stayed in the land of captivity for 430 years instead of 400 years and also wandered in the wilderness for 40 years instead of 40 days and 40 nights. Instead of waiting, some people get engaged in murmuring and complaining. Enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going.

In addition to these, it is important to note that our individual divine assignments differ; as a result, individual waiting period differs as well as the preparation period. You should stop been desperate and discover who you are. Discover yourself and make yourself a good man or woman; so that the good man or woman comes, he or she will find you prepared and as a good thing to desire. Ensure that you stay around people that will encourage you in the time of waiting.

It is a challenge to live as a Christian, because you cannot do things any how just like the unbelievers. Ensure you listen to God and not people, and you must begin to think with your mind and allow God to speak you.

QUESTION 2:  “Am in a relationship where my partner doesn’t want me to complain. If I complain, he says that I am nagging, what should I do?

SPEAKER 1:  You need to call for a meeting where both of you will sit down to discuss on it. Talk about it and if he is not willing for you to voice out, you may be in a wrong relationship. Then, it is best to call it a quit. A man that will not hear the opinion of his partner will not make a good husband and vice versa.

SPEAKER 2: You need to discover how to communicate with him; by then, if he is still not going to hear your opinion, there is a serious fundamental problem. A woman should not nag, but if she does, it simply implies that she is saying something he is not listening to.

Women are born naturally to be talkers. Therefore, men should learn to be good listener and be patient enough so as to understand them and be good communicators. Consequently, women should learn to be considerate when discussing and understand men’s creation as well.

More so, men should help the women on how to present issues as such that will not offend their creation. You need to be mindful of the time to present your issues to your partner as well.

Summary:

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW AND DO WHILE WAITING

1. You need to be very fervent in prayers. First of all, you need to know that you are to wait on God not on a man or woman as you look forward to starting a relationship and marriage. As you wait on God, don’t be afraid or doubtful.
2. Change your attitude.
3. Be focused on God and not on the intended Prince Charming or Cinderella. Trust alone in God.
4. Avoid being desperate. A decision taken in desperation will cause you to act desperately and desperate actions are always bitter and regretful actions.
5. Develop friendship. God will bring a lot of people around you; make sure you build right friendship with people since you cannot marry an enemy but a friend.
6. You need to develop high sensitivity in the spirit through the help of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, you need to build a strong and intimate relationship first with God. You can only find a good and godly, virtuous woman (wife) by the help and favor of God. Proverbs 18:22.
7. Serve God. The fact that you need favor as to find a desirable wife or husband should make you serve God. But it has to be a deliberate act.
8. Speak to God always about your need. If you can ask God for food, shelter, money, job, clothing and other material possessions because you believe He can provide them; you should believe as well that He is able to give you a wife or husband. He will grant you favor. Matthew 7:7-11.
9. Discover the reason why you need to get married. You need to answer the question on why you want to get married. Different people get married for different reasons; you cannot afford to get married for the wrong reasons.
10.  Get a vision for marriage. You need to have a vision for your desired marriage and have plans. This is part of the indispensable preparations you need to do before you get into a relationship and get married.
11.  Build and develop yourself into a good and desirable man or woman. A good man or woman will attract a good woman or man respectively. Then, people can desire you and become inestimable like an expensive jewel.
12.  Get busy. Waiting period is not a time for idleness as to play around or be engaged with worthless activities that can jeopardize your visions and dreams. Add eventfully to your life.
13.  Get to know. It is also a time to learn all necessary things and get useful information you need; especially about your opposite sex, knowledge about yourself and your intended partner.

To be continued…watch out for the next post!

Join us @ Single and Married Fellowship at The Fountain of Life Church, Ilupeju, Lagos State, Nigeria every Monday by 6:00pm prompt.