BUILDING A SATISFYING, HEALTHY AND PEACEFUL RELATIONSHIP I

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

Prov. 24:3-5; Matthew 7:24-27; Lk 6:46-49; 14:28-30

Everyone desires and goes into relationship hoping it will culminates to marriage; give them peace, satisfaction, joy, progress and improvement + fulfilment in life. As it were, every relationship is aimed at mutual growth.
It must be noted that the foundation of every meaningful relationship is THE WORD OF GOD - divine instructions.
God always wants to instruct you at every point in time the way you need to build the designed structure of your life. He is the Chief Architect, the Ultimate Supervisor and Structural Engineer, He is indispensable for a proper construction work. The two partners in a relationship building are just like hired labourers, bricklayers or masons who are to do/carry out exactly what the Engineer/Chief Supervisor instructs them to do so as to build a well-balanced, stable structure. Psalms 32:8-9.
What you do and how you build will determine the kind of structure and its quality which will prove whether you are wise or foolish thereafter.

KEYS TO BUILDING A RICH RELATIONSHIP

FULL OBEDIENCE: This is fundamental to starting any meaningful relationship. You need to believe that the only Person that gives satisfaction in life is God; not money, parents, relatives, buddies, career, and the likes. So, the structure of your relationship is a function of whom or what you obey. Never carry out any instructions other than the ones given by God - the Chief Architect/Designer. Your obedience must be ABSOLUTE. Deut.28:1-14.
Resolve in your heart today to always follow the commands of the Lord. You can receive His instructions/commands when you study His Word - Scriptures and by the help of the Holy Spirit. John 15:12-15.

WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING: These are also primary to building a lasting, healthy relationship. Wisdom is gotten from doing exactly/precisely what you are instructed to do. You need divine wisdom to build. Prov.1:7; 2:1-22; 3:7-13, 19; 4:5-9; 8:1-36; 9:1-18; 14:33; 23:23. You need to seek for divine wisdom by total reverence for God in all you do.

GODLINESS: This is the God-factor in building a satisfying relationship. Godliness entails faith, love, trust, integrity, loyalty, faithfulness… It is the God-like charaters and traits a man possesses. Train yourself to be godly, it benefits now and in the future. Learn to choose a partner with godly characters and be a person with godly characters too. You cant afford to underestimate the impacts of godliness in building a satisfying relationship. The person you are to walk and work together in a relationship is the body or the physique (shape, colour, facial appearance, hair…), but the man on the inside who should have been affected by God else you stand a great risk. Jer.17:9; 1Cor.2:9-16; 1Tim.4:8. Look for a godly person who has committed himself/herself to following after God in all areas of life.
Don’t ever walk by sight, rather walk by faith. 1Sam.16:7. Always see things through the eyes of God. Don’t be deceived because in life you will always come across men that look like God’s will. Therefore, you need to walk by faith so as not to miss God’s will for your life. Learn to say NO when necessary and focus on God alone by faith.
“Faith looks up, fear looks down.” Let your outlook be determined by your consistent uplook not downlook or inlook. You must plan for your spiritual growth consciously. We live in a generation where too many cares get us worried and instill fears in us. Let God be your main pursuit. Be a God-Chaser – pursue Him hard, passionately and consistently daily. Be a person of His Presence and spend more time in His presence. Psalms 42:1-2; 63:1-3. Remember that, “Deep calleth unto deep…” Psalms 42:7. So dig a very deep foundation in God through consistent fellowship/communion with Him. It is more difficult, costly and time demanding to develop the inner man than the outside man. People who are committed to developing their inner man with God in consistent fellowship usually are more committed in relationship than the otherwise.

EMOTIONAL BALANCE: Look for someone who has control over his/her emotions; someone who is not guided by emotions or feelings. Emotions and feelings may be deceptive because they are susceptible to the manipulations of the devil. Then they become blind guides; this is the reason why some schools of thoughts believe that love is blind. This is absolute illusion, a fallacious mendacity. The devil has deluded many people with this maxim and led them into a state of total moral collapse. Look for someone who takes godly decisions without emotional attachment or feelings.
Listen carefully, I don’t mean it’s not godly to have emotions or feelings for someone (in fact, if you don’t, then you need to question what you call your love towards the person); what I’m saying here is that, emotions or feelings should not influence your decisions or choices. Don’t premise your decisions and choices on emotions and feelings, let is be on God.

GODLY FRIENDSHIP: Amos 3:3, 1Cor.15:33. Don’t enter into a relationship with someone not excited with the things of God. Avoid someone who always discuss immoral, filthy and evil issues whenever you are together for conversation. Make sure you share visions, dreams, aspirations, and instructions from God together. Prov.26:22-23. Let your conversations transcend plenary/trivial things like movies, football, fashion and style, and other forms of gossips. Avoid any form of quarrel and settle all misunderstandings in love. Correct each other in love. 1Tim.4:7; 6:20-21; 2Tim.2:22-24.
Respect each other. Don’t give any opportunity for ungodly people at all. Don’t give them a bite else they will take a whole meal if not much more. 2Cor.6:14. When too much familiarity (attachment) deepens, reason fails/weakens and fades away. Remember that, nice, pretty, handsome…are not fruits of the spirit and “…by their fruits shall will you know them…” Matthew 7:15-23. Avoid all things that will provoke each other to sin. Eph.5:26.

EVALUATION: Make sure you carry out time-to-time evaluation of yourself and the relationship so as to discover if you have grown positively both physically and spiritually or retarded; and to know if the relationship has made you more obedient or disobedient to God. Evaluate to discover if you have compromise your faith, hope, trust, godliness and love for God. Also, evaluate your partner too to determine his/her relative growth and development. You need to understand that your relationship will affect your destiny. It is destiny-defining. God intends it to make you become what He purposed for you as such fulfill purpose. So take time out to evaluate your individual characters. Walk and work together towards improving each other in all ramifications of life.
Your spirituality will always affect your decisions and choices, so ensure you increase your spiritual pursuits consciously.

VIGILANCE: It is very important to be spiritually sensitive as well as physically alert and vigilant when you are in a relationship. Be sensitive to your partner’s communication (verbal and non-verbal - body languages…) so as to know when to say resolutely NO and when to unavoidably FLEE. 1Cor.6:18; 1Thess.4:3-8; 5:22; Titus 2:11-15. ALWAYS WATCH OUT! Be wise as serpent and be gentle as dove. Matthew 10:16. Ensure that all your senses are always at alert with serious cautions. Know when you are going too far and be sure you realize when far is too far. Your sensitivity to the leading and bidding of God through the Holy Spirit cannot be overemphasized. This is more reason you need to develop an intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit. Romans. 8:5-17; Eph.5:16-26.
More so, you need to be sensitive to your partner’s needs.

GOOD COMMUNICATION: This is a very vital key to building a healthy relationship. A consistent fruitful communication enhances rich relationship. This could be in form of verbal or non-verbal communication (like text/voice messaging, gift items, body languages…). Once you break communication in a relationship you can be sure the ship is heading to capsize. That is, broken communication in a relationship leads to a break-up. Always indulge in godly discussions and conversations that will edify both of you. Embrace positive and optimistic confessions. Let grace-filled, wholesome words always proceed from your mouth which will build both of you. Eph.4:29; Col.4:6. Make sure your partner is someone who has strong desire for God. It will determine what sorts of things that will ensue each time you discuss, as in, his/her actions and reactions to issues. Matthew 12:34-37; Luke 6:45. Discover each other’s likes and dislikes and avoid provoking each other to wrath. Frequently send gifts that you know your partner will appreciate to him/her – some may appreciate flowers, clothes, food items and so on, while for some, it may be lovely text or voice messages.
In addition to this, you must always be careful to listen to your partner each time you converse. Don’t be in haste to respond to issues, take time to reflect. James 1:19. Avoid assumption, it is usually very costly and most times people can't afford it.

We have just highlighted the BUILDING BLOCKS (the building structural materials) for a healthy meaningful relationship. I believe you have been blessed tremendously.

PRAYERS:

Someone who has not accepted Jesus Christ as his/her Lord and personal Saviour does not have a foundation to build on yet. So, it is impossible to have a have a stable, healthy, meaning and lasting relationship that will culminates to a blissful and fulfilled marriage. Jesus is the real Solid Rock, the true Sure Foundation of any healthy relationship. Psalms 118:22, Isaiah 28:16; Luke 20:17; Eph.2:11-22; Matthew 7:24-27; John 3:14-19. Therefore, I invite you now to begin by first laying a strong, deep foundation in Christ Jesus. If you are making this indispensable and most important decision now, say these prayers:

Lord Jesus, I thank You for Your unfailing and unfeigning constant love. I thank You for the gift of life and salvation. Thank You for the amazing grace which has drawn me to You today. I hereby confess and renounce all my sins and unrighteous ways. I accept You now as my Lord and personal Saviour. I absolutely surrender my life to You. Be my Lord, my Life and my Everything and take full charge now. Please, grant me daily grace to continue in You. Thank You for Your mercies which I have received this day, in Jesus Christ's name I pray. AMEN.

Congratulations for you have just laid a solid foundation which cannot be destroyed.
I strongly enjoin you to read the above piece again prayerfully.

YOUR FEEDBACK

Please feel free to post your comments, questions and share your experiences with us here. You can also post your prayer points here. We will like to know how you are faring in your relationship and join you in prayers.

We wish you a blessed relationship.

God bless you real good. Continue in the faith…

Share this

THE CONFIDENT SINGLES