DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LOVE AND INFATUATION (PART 1)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

How come Samson did not discern Delilah? The story of Samson talked about him going somewhere, seeing a girl and telling his parents he wants to marry the girl. He really didn’t know anything about the girl, but he just wanted to marry the girl.

How come Jonathan was able to discern David, even though he was his father’s arch enemy? This implies that there are some things that don’t look or seem like it, but if you probe a little deeper, you would see it clearly.

When God looks at a man, He doesn’t just look at the outside, He looks not on a man alone, but He looks through him. We also need to come to a place where we can look through people, and that only happens when your spirit is sharp. When your spirit is sharp you can discern them. You make your decisions and your decisions make you.

The Bible defines discernment to mean; to stand, to consider, to investigate, to examine, to scrutinize and to ask questions.

Discernment is defined as to detect, to perceive with the eyes of the mind and to perceive the distinctions. Therefore there is a need to discern, detect (that is, pay attention) and to be observant when you are making a decision especially in relationships.

You will need to discern, define and think about things deeply in order to righly decide based on what the Bible says; not based on reasoning, but  based on what the Spirit of God says.

The things that enhance your discernment are the acquisition of knowledge and the capacity to feed on the word of God.

In life, wanting to love or be loved is normal. In actual fact, this is further reinforced by the books, magazines, movies, etc we have read and watched; and based on these we have started to build our fantasies on the man or woman we want to marry.

Some people have magazine husbands and wives. While some already have the picture of the man or woman they desire, failing to realize that those pictures have been made to look perfect using  computer picture editing programmes like ‘Adobe Photoshop’ and now are waiting to marry ‘Photo shopped’ men or women.

Of course when someone you feel is attractive or someone that somewhat fit the portriat notices you, you begin to feel good. This is simply fantasy that you assume has met reality.

It is perfectly normal for you to be attracted to somebody or for someone to be attracted to you. At the point when your heart is pounding, your knees are wobbling that it seems you have butterflies in your stomach because someone is attracted to you; the challenge comes when you define these ‘pleasant’ feelings to love.

Some people have said that love is like a fire, it just consumes you. People then run into problems and chaos because they make quick and permanent decisions based on just these feelings without given enough time, effort and commitment to prove it to be love.

The only reason you keep a vow or promise with someone is if you’ve given time, effort or commitment into that relationship.

Most people are quick to say ‘I love you’ because they are quickly blinded by uncontrolled feelings or emotions.  You just met a girl in two weeks, and you look at her lovely eyes and become dumbfounded, the next thing you say is ‘I love you’ and often times, the lady too will reply, ‘Oh, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard’. But once that feeling is gone, if you have not developed and built a relationship, if we have not learnt friendship, you are left with nothing. That’s the reason a number of people keep falling in and out of love. This result also to serial relationships, simply because we make quick and permanent decisions, based on the feelings we have at that moment.

This is a classic case of infatuation. Love is not as quick as that, it doesn’t come or go suddenly. It isn’t love at first sight; it is attraction at first sight that takes it slow and gradual. It is a process, a process of discovery and getting knowledge.

 True love is like a cornerstone. It has even be tried and tested. Also, like a sure foundation, it has to be tested all over again. Isaiah 28:16

Yes, you are sure. Most of us see someone and we say the Holy Spirit has told us; whereas, it is your eyes, your ears that have told you. You feel it is fantasy meeting reality. You need to slow down and really learn the love process. I’m not saying attraction is not good; of a truth, when you meet someone irresistible (pretty or handsome), something attracts you to him or her. That is simply attraction and not love. Therefore, you shouldn’t take attraction for love. Love is more than just an attraction. Haste always makes mistakes. Proverbs 19:2 (NLT). You need to increase your discerning capability. And you need knowledge to enhance this. Proverbs 19:2 (The Message).

A lot of people today are falling into sins including fornicating, because they have been hastily misrepresented love and defines it to be infatuation.

Pastor Bimbo Odukoya said in her book, 165 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE MARRIAGE, that the inability to differentiate between love and infatuation exposes one to the danger of making a costly mistake when choosing a life partner. So you need to be able to discern and differentiate if what you feel is really love or infatuation.

THE WORD OF GOD

When you pay attention to instruction and to the word of God, you will show discernment and your lips will express what you’ve learnt. If you have learnt the right things, your lips will express them in your discussions with others -”For the lips of an immoral woman as sweet as honey and her mouth smoother than oil, but in the end, she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double edged sword, her feet go down to death and her steps lead to the grave”. Proverbs 5:1-5 (NLT).

There are so many things in a relationship that when you are began it with infatuation and not true love, you will like them. They are somewhat enjoyable. You like what you are hear and what you feel. These things are supposed to go through a process. They have to be tested so that in the end you don’t end up being consumed. Most people are being consumed and are making mistakes because they are not discerning and patient enough to go through the process.

WHAT IS INFATUATION?

The dictionary meaning (Webster’s collegiate dictionary) says, ‘To make foolish, to affect with folly, deprive of sound judgment’. It also means to inspire with a foolish and extravagant passion. This implies that infatuation will deprive you of sound judgment, that is, you won’t be able to think right when you need to detect, distinguish and think through. If you are infatuated how you can think through? You will surely start to act foolishly.

WordNet online dictionary says, ‘It is a foolish and extravagant passion, temporary love and object of extravagant short lived passion’. Just like lightning, it comes and goes. Infatuation is an emotional response based on fantasy.

You have had a fantasy of a particular guy or lady and some day that fantasy just passes by, your fantasy has come through and you have an emotional response to it. Emotions are ‘e-motions’ always changing. You can’t make a decision based on emotions.

So, where do these feelings come from? Is it the devil? No. God put those feelings in you. Feelings are not bad in itself, it is how you use them. Failure to understand the purpose of a thing means that it would be abused, so God put those feelings there to be initiators not deciders of love.

Some people have walked so much in lust that they chase anything in skirts, usually it is when your fantasy comes around you that you are supposed to notice. So it is supposed to be an initiator and not a decider.

Note again that, attraction in itself is not bad, it is what you do with it that determines if you will fall into sin or not. Biological science has proven that emotions or feelings are caused by a chemical reaction in the body. This releases some hormones into the brain.

How does infatuation start?

Usually when you have fantasies and dreams gotten or formed by some magazines, Hollywood movies and not the word of God, what usually happen is that you will begin to concentrate only on what you have seen and heard.

PROCESSES OF LOVE

1. EYE TO BODY CONTACT: It often starts in form of eye to body contact. Something registers your interest there and you start to think about your life together with that person, that is, fantasize.
2. EYE TO EYE CONTACT: If you keep on for so long, eye to eye contact results. This is when two people look at each other, eye just meets eye for a second and you take it off immediately. Then wait for about two seconds to see if the person is still looking or not and because both of you are thinking the same way, your eyes meet again. Some people stop there and start to dream and fantasize and end up dreaming about so and so. It is not God telling you anything, your thoughts are. Some others say this lady is disturbing me in my dreams. It is not the lady, but your fantasies. Take a step, walk up to her and say hello. It doesn’t mean anything would happen. When people are infatuated usually they take one quality and celebrate it, usually physical appearance. However, when they start to see the flaws and weaknesses they walk away.
3. VOICE TO VOICE CONTACT: The next is voice-voice contact. That is where you kick off a discussion, you start to feel good talking to a person and the feelings make you happy and happiness isn’t a sin. Conversations continue, phone numbers are exchanged and you begin to talk. When you are talking, you need to ensure that you are really talking on the things that matter – relevant issues of life. The quality of what you discuss at this point is very important. It can take the relationship to the next level or deter it and end there.

In such a relationship, the first six months are the “HONEYMOON STAGE” where nothing he/she does is wrong until you enter the “REALITY STAGE”. Don’t take any lasting decisions during the honeymoon stage. Most people take lasting decisions during that stage which is usually detrimental

Also, when you are talking, your hands can possibly touch each other just for a little. When that happens, something in you changes, infatuation eventually would turn physical. Before you know it, if you are not careful, one day both of you will be looking into each other’s eyes when you are alone and results to kissing. Both of you must have been thinking about kissing at one point or the other, until the situation presents itself. As you go further, infatuation eventually becomes physical. AND IF YOU ARE NOT CAREFUL SEX IS AT YOUR DOORSTEP.

Most people especially Christians don’t plan to have sex when in a relationship, but there are things that get you up to that position/point where the only thing that seems reasonable to do is to have sex. Therefore, you need to understand your body chemistry/make up and that the way God has made us is that, when you are in a relationship, our physical and emotional self merge.

When you mistakenly cross over to sex, your discussions and bonding stop; because you have gone to “non-verbal bonding” which means problems you are supposed to be solving and quality discussions you are to have stop totally. You do everything with sex - solve problems with sex, fight with sex. Most times, it ends in a break-up. But, if eventually both get married to each other, then at some point you begin to think he/she has changed. He/she didn’t change, what has happened is that you didn’t find out, you were infatuated and you short-circuited the process of love.

This is the main reason that God has told us not to have sex before marriage because it hinders good communication, discussions and discernment.

MORE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LOVE AND INFATUATION

1 Corinthians 13:4-8; 1 John 4:7-8.

1.  Love takes God into all its plans. It is the essence of God, so if you say you love a person, you take God into consideration for everything you do for that person. The problem with most of us is that if you have not experienced love you cannot know what you are looking for. If your heart hasn’t experienced the love of God, you cannot know what you are looking for. You will only look based on your misconceptions and assumptions about love.

The state of your heart is important. If you have the knowledge of God, you will compel your feelings and thoughts with it. When you’ve acquired knowledge, you will be able to detect, define and logically discriminate when necessary.

2.  Love has a priority to maintain a closer work with God. Its desire is to please God above pleasing a man or a woman (mortars). The more you walk with God, the more you walk in love. Then God will begin to reveal Himself to you the more. As this happens, love grows more in your heart.

Unlike love, infatuation wants to please the person rather than please God. Infatuation is selfish, while love isn’t. Love doesn’t want to take from you, it wants to protect you. Infatuation wants to take from you and doesn’t want to give back. Love takes time to grow, while infatuation is fast and always in haste. It comes like a speeding bullet and like a bomb. It makes a distraction, and then it is gone. It comes suddenly and sometimes without warning.

Remember the Bible says that love is patient. It is willing to start small and willing to grow. Infatuation is like a weed.

In conclusion, you really need to slow down, get to know the person, because love is a process, and learn through thick and thin. See him/her in various seasons through the years, how he/she behaves in various situations before you make your decisions. The knowledge you’ve acquired when you begin to define, detect and logically discriminate will help you make right and godly decisions.

I pray that you will make the right decisions in Jesus’ name.

Watch out for Part 2…

A TALK SHOW tagged “Where is my Prince Charming?”

Moderator: Pastor Kunle Osunkunle (President, Single and Married Fellowship)

Discussant: Pastor Segun Williams, Pastor Mrs. Mary, Sister Bolaji and Bro. Akinyemi Bolaji.

Every Single man and woman always looks forward to getting into relationship and getting married. Therefore, immense pressure begins to set in within and without. Pressure from parents, siblings, peers, friends, colleagues and community where you live. You then begin to look up to when your Prince Charming or Cinderella will show up and start a relationship.

Waiting now becomes a germane issue. If you ask someone in such a situation, the usual response is “I’m waiting.” Perhaps, each time you attend a wedding occasion, you are told that you are the next groom or bride.

In fact, your parents, friends, siblings, and peers will give you disgusting suggestions and ideas or pieces of irritating advice.

The questions here are “How do you wait for the right man or woman?” “What are you supposed to do while waiting?”

This discussion attempts to answer these critical questions.

Many Single people live as if Single life is a time for mourning. You need to enjoy your Single life while waiting on God for the right and best suitor.

One important thing you should do is to watch your wrong attitudes that are liable to push away good people from your life. You can change with the help of the Holy Spirit.

QUESTION 1: “What can I do to be date-able and how can I attract my Prince charming?”

SPEAKER 1:  Pastor Mary explained using her personal experiences. She got married at 42 years old.

It is true that intense pressure will come to the extent that you will almost forget to celebrate your birth date. This perhaps could begin from your family members who will stand to suggest things to you as if to add to God in your life. But the question remains, “Are you waiting on the Lord or you are waiting just for the brother or sister to come?” You have got to be focused. This was what she did that helped her. She knew that her attitudes had to change. You need to do this so that when he or she comes, he or she will be able to see who you really are.

SPEAKER 2:  Brother Bolaji Akinyemi emphasized that there is a phase in life that we should get married. More so, you should have an idea of what you want because several things will come your way at this phase of your life.

SPEAKER 3:  Sister Bolaji added that she is now quite over 30 years and her family concluded that she should go and get pregnant with probably a widower or even a married man; but she should ensure that the man’s wife does not know. God later assured her that He will grant her a godly man as her husband. If He could provide her a car and an apartment when she needed them, why would she think that God will not get her a husband?

SPEAKER 4:  Brother Segun Williams put it like this. At this time, you will receive pieces of advice because of the misconception people have about marriage. Some think the reason to marry is because their parents are disturbing them then they should marry or simply because age is catching up with them. Why do some people get married early while some marry late? In fact, some people don’t help the situation as they prolong the single phase through their attitudes. Just like the Israelites who stayed in the land of captivity for 430 years instead of 400 years and also wandered in the wilderness for 40 years instead of 40 days and 40 nights. Instead of waiting, some people get engaged in murmuring and complaining. Enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going.

In addition to these, it is important to note that our individual divine assignments differ; as a result, individual waiting period differs as well as the preparation period. You should stop been desperate and discover who you are. Discover yourself and make yourself a good man or woman; so that the good man or woman comes, he or she will find you prepared and as a good thing to desire. Ensure that you stay around people that will encourage you in the time of waiting.

It is a challenge to live as a Christian, because you cannot do things any how just like the unbelievers. Ensure you listen to God and not people, and you must begin to think with your mind and allow God to speak you.

QUESTION 2:  “Am in a relationship where my partner doesn’t want me to complain. If I complain, he says that I am nagging, what should I do?

SPEAKER 1:  You need to call for a meeting where both of you will sit down to discuss on it. Talk about it and if he is not willing for you to voice out, you may be in a wrong relationship. Then, it is best to call it a quit. A man that will not hear the opinion of his partner will not make a good husband and vice versa.

SPEAKER 2: You need to discover how to communicate with him; by then, if he is still not going to hear your opinion, there is a serious fundamental problem. A woman should not nag, but if she does, it simply implies that she is saying something he is not listening to.

Women are born naturally to be talkers. Therefore, men should learn to be good listener and be patient enough so as to understand them and be good communicators. Consequently, women should learn to be considerate when discussing and understand men’s creation as well.

More so, men should help the women on how to present issues as such that will not offend their creation. You need to be mindful of the time to present your issues to your partner as well.

Summary:

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW AND DO WHILE WAITING

1. You need to be very fervent in prayers. First of all, you need to know that you are to wait on God not on a man or woman as you look forward to starting a relationship and marriage. As you wait on God, don’t be afraid or doubtful.
2. Change your attitude.
3. Be focused on God and not on the intended Prince Charming or Cinderella. Trust alone in God.
4. Avoid being desperate. A decision taken in desperation will cause you to act desperately and desperate actions are always bitter and regretful actions.
5. Develop friendship. God will bring a lot of people around you; make sure you build right friendship with people since you cannot marry an enemy but a friend.
6. You need to develop high sensitivity in the spirit through the help of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, you need to build a strong and intimate relationship first with God. You can only find a good and godly, virtuous woman (wife) by the help and favor of God. Proverbs 18:22.
7. Serve God. The fact that you need favor as to find a desirable wife or husband should make you serve God. But it has to be a deliberate act.
8. Speak to God always about your need. If you can ask God for food, shelter, money, job, clothing and other material possessions because you believe He can provide them; you should believe as well that He is able to give you a wife or husband. He will grant you favor. Matthew 7:7-11.
9. Discover the reason why you need to get married. You need to answer the question on why you want to get married. Different people get married for different reasons; you cannot afford to get married for the wrong reasons.
10.  Get a vision for marriage. You need to have a vision for your desired marriage and have plans. This is part of the indispensable preparations you need to do before you get into a relationship and get married.
11.  Build and develop yourself into a good and desirable man or woman. A good man or woman will attract a good woman or man respectively. Then, people can desire you and become inestimable like an expensive jewel.
12.  Get busy. Waiting period is not a time for idleness as to play around or be engaged with worthless activities that can jeopardize your visions and dreams. Add eventfully to your life.
13.  Get to know. It is also a time to learn all necessary things and get useful information you need; especially about your opposite sex, knowledge about yourself and your intended partner.

To be continued…watch out for the next post!

Join us @ Single and Married Fellowship at The Fountain of Life Church, Ilupeju, Lagos State, Nigeria every Monday by 6:00pm prompt.

A TALK SHOW: WHERE IS MY PRINCE CHARMING?

WAOH! THE LAST MEETING WAS QUIET INCISIVE...

GUESS WHAT, IT CONTINUES ON MONDAY, 7TH MARCH, 2011

PLAN TO ATTEND 

AND COME WITH YOUR REAL QUESTIONS...

SEE YOU THERE!!!

THE GIFT OF SINGLENESS (Part 2)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

The reason why you were born is not to get married. God has a purpose for you. Therefore, chasing marriage as if it is the only thing you have got to do is not it. If the purpose for which you were born is to marry, then Jesus Christ did not fulfill purpose.

Singleness (your single state) is a gift that must be celebrated. Singleness is a time of growth. It is a time of self discovery, spiritual discovery and service. It is a time to sit under God to discover who God has made you. It is a time to concentrate on the content and not the container in order to have an inestimable or valuable content.

My intention for presenting this to you is to ensure that you understand this gift called singleness; you understand your wholeness and uniqueness as a single, so that you can make a right decision about when to get married and who to marry. It’s also important that you enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going.

Seven Gifts of God To Man (A Trail from Dr. Myles Munroe)

Genesis 1:26; 2:15-25

1. Spiritual Nature and Character:

This is the first gift to be considered as a single man or woman is not marriage or   relationship. You need to know that you are created in God’s image and likeness. The first thing to be concerned about as a single man or woman is your spiritual nature and character. What you need is to first find yourself, not to find a wife or seek for a relationship. There are so many people who are confused about who they are. The only thing they know about themselves is the name they bear and probably where they hail from. You need to find yourself and be secured in the knowledge of who you are. You need to have a healthy self-esteem and self-image. The only way to go about this is to find it in God. You need to be confident in who God has made you. This confidence can only be drawn from God.

Some people are not confident because they are poor or perhaps don’t have a car or jobless. It’s true that sin has demoralized men, but you need to come back to God and take your confidence in Him.

Never take your confidence from what you possess like money, car, social status or educational status/qualification. Some derive their confidence from these things. As singles, we need to start to take our image from God. It is natural to always look up to things like material possession in order to be confident. But, we need to begin to consciously look up to God alone.

Some even say that I don’t have this and that so I cannot relate. No! It is not about what you have or don’t have; it is about God and who you are on the inside. God created you; let Him express the person on the inside of you. After all, Adam never had clothes on him when God created him and he was not ashamed. He was joyful because the glory of God was upon him.

The challenge is that people who don’t have self-worth or self-esteem, who haven’t derived their confidence from God eventually become liabilities to whoever they marry. (No one wants someone who will always want to take away from him or her, but someone who will add to his or her life.) Such marriage will lose trust and faithfulness, because you will always be defensive. When you marry someone with an unhealthy or poor self-worth or self-esteem, such will live his or her life trying to become someone else usually by attaching themselves with the identity of another. He or she tries to become someone else.

Everyone is unique. You can take the confidence for your uniqueness only from God. You need to become like God. Marriage is at its best when two God-like people get married.

Romans 12:2.

A man is truly changed when he has fully changed the way he thinks. You need to get into the word of God in order to know God and be able to change the way you think about yourself. That’s why single state is a time to be highly devoted to studying God’s word. Then you become like God and anyone who sees you will see God in you. You will begin to attract only God-like people.

2Corinthians 3:18 (THE MESSAGE, AMPLIFIED)

The more you look into the word of God, the more you become more like Him which is what you need to do in your single state. When you become more like Him, it is easier for you to love, forgive, give, be humble and not keep records of wrong. These are things you will be tested with in relationship. In marriage, you will in one way or the other offend each other; if you have not learn in God how to forgive and be patient, how will you be able to forgive and resolve conflicts? You learn patience, longsuffering and other spiritual characters needed to build a healthy relationship and marriage in God. Therefore, it is important that you get your image from God and not from the society, environment, Hollywood, tradition or culture.

Single state is the time to become more like God so that the man or the woman coming into your life for relationship can see unadulterated love in you.

2. Likeness:

Genesis 1:26.

Likeness means to be like Him. The purpose for which God made us in His likeness is so that we can function like Him.

“A person without self-control is like a city without fence (a city with broken-down walls).” Proverbs 25:28.

Anyone who doesn’t know who he or she is becomes a fair game for someone else to mould into another image. Until you become whole, you will always be dependent on other people for self-worth.

Amore so, you need to work on your appearance, your speech, and general outlook. Man looks and sees the outward; only God looks on the inside.

Proverbs 18:21-22. To have a very good, attractive and pleasant likeness, one of the things you need to work on is your MOUTH. Get you tongue sorted out before you go into a relationship. Learn how to speak confidently for yourself so as not to depend on others for approvals. Learn how to speak the right things at the right time. Your tongue should minister grace and be like a tree of life to people.

3. God’s  Presence:

The Radiance of God's Presence

Before Adam needed the presence of another creation, he enjoyed the presence of the Creator. The first Presence that you need in your life is not that of a boyfriend or a girlfriend; but the Presence of God. Imagine someone who just got saved say about 3 months ago and is just getting to know God now wants to go into a relationship. Such is still a babe and will only carry his or her old characters, how he used to live and what he or she knows into the relationship. He or she is not yet matured in the Spirit and has not learned more about God’s nature; and His likeness is not yet fully formed in him or her.

You need to use your prospective marriage life (single state) to know more and more of God. Your intending spouse should find you in Eden, that is, God’s Presence.

The glory of God’s Presence is a defense. Because Adam and Eve were in God’s Presence in Eden; though they were naked, but they never knew and were not ashamed. God’s glory covered them. The glory ensured they were not self-conscious and selfish. It was not about what they wore or didn’t wear, not about lust or flesh; they only saw God’s glory in each other’s lives. Flesh was not their focal point; it was the glory of God.

Anyone who wants to marry you should meet you in God’s Presence and be able to see His glory in your life. He or she should not be concerned about your body as it were or how he or she wants to sleep with you, kiss you or touch you. Such is not seeing God’s glory in you, but is only concerned about flesh.

As a single man or woman preparing for relationship and marriage, what you need to do is to function in God’s Presence. When you have God’s Presence overshadowing you, you will be joyous and whoever sees you will see happy countenance on you. Some people when you see them, it is as if they are carrying the problem of the whole world.

4. Work:

You need to be hardworking and diligent in whatever you do. As a young person, someone who is ready to get married, you cannot be lazy. You must have dreams and goals that you are working towards. You must not be like someone who lives with “no future ambition” (NFA) or as if the “future is far away” (FIFA). You must have goals, pre-determined goals that you are working towards. You must be diligent at work and diligent in seeking God. At this stage of your life, you have got a lot of time, you need to use it accountably and be diligent. Though, you say you don’t have work, you are not gainfully employed; the issue is what can you do? What are your gifts and talents? What do you do best with your hands? You need to creatively be engaged.

5. Cultivation of Garden:

“To cultivate” means “to bring out” or “to nurture”. If you have not nurtured yourself, you cannot nurture somebody else. You need to first of all bring out the best in you so as to be able to bring out the best in somebody else. Do people enjoy being around you? You need to be able to cultivate yourself in order to cultivate someone else and make him or her better and not bitter.

Before starting a relationship, you need to first of all consider this, are you a weed that will constantly choke the relationship or a rich fertilizer that will help cultivate and nurture it? Fertilizer improves the quality of what you are planting and also increases the yield. But a weed stifles quality. Fertilizer gives 100% without expecting anything in return. Weed does vice versa and rather compete and reduces. It is a parasite that always wants to take without giving or contributing.

So you need to find out, if you o into relationship, will you cultivate and improve your partner or reduce him or her by being a parasite?

Cultivation takes time. It requires persistence, patience and focus.

6. Protection:

You need to develop the capacity to defend and protect the interests and lives of those under your care. You need to be able to safeguard people’s dignity, interests and confidence no matter what. You cannot afford to be a tale bearer that always gossips.

People who come to you to gossip about someone will surely gossip about you too. Tale bearer causes crisis.

As a lady, you need to ask, the man you want to start a relationship with or marry, can he protect you or is he always asking you for sex? Any man who asks you for sex only wants to steal from you. He doesn’t love you, but lust after you. You should let such man go. Why should you accommodate someone who wants to steal from you? When a man loves a woman, he will always want to protect her and give her such joy and comfort. Not otherwise. Love doesn’t take away, but lust does.

7. The Word of God:

The Word of God

It’s only in the word of God that any relationship can maximize its full potentials. This is because marriage and relationship are concepts out of the heart of God. Therefore, for you to get the best out of it, do not play with the word of God. That is where you will get your image and the likeness that He wants you to get. That is where you will get the real life and build strength of character which will sustain your relationship and marriage.

When you have developed these things, you are right for relationship and marriage. Now you can begin to function like God because you have His likeness. People can now trust you, that is, you can win people’s trust.

I pray that as singles, you will be celebrated uniquely in Jesus’ name. You are bold and confident singles going somewhere to happen. You will marry rightly in Jesus’ name.

I look forward to hearing from you. God bless!

THE GIFT OF SINGLENESS (Part 1)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle 

Genesis 1:26-31

The word “single” means unique, whole, separate and complete.

It is important for us to realize that when God created man, He made them as singles. He made them male and female. He never created them married as husband and wife. Man’s creation brought perfection to the earth and his existence on earth made all things good in God’s sight.

Genesis 2:18-25. God will only bring various opportunities your way, but it is your free-will to make a choice. God will never violate this. You can only involve Him in you decision-making and allow Him to be your influence.

If He created you as a single first, then, there is a purpose to that. Until you fulfill your purpose as a single, I strongly advise you not to get married.

If singleness does not have a purpose, I believe God would have created us as married pairs. The best way to get blessed is to be a blessing and naturally your blessings will find or locate you.

Don’t be desperate, and while not being desperate, don’t be idle.

It is good to settle down, but if you are not settled on the inside of you, you cannot settle down. Therefore, you need to first of all get settled on the inside with God and His Spirit; in order to settle down in marriage successfully.

Man is full of unique gifts, given by God. Singleness is a time to maximally use these God-given gifts in you, which make you unique, in order to bring out your uniqueness, make you whole, separate or distinct and complete in Him; even while being a single.

When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. If you short-circuit the process of singleness, there will be a problem in marriage.

Many people don’t know the purpose of singleness, therefore, they have abused it; by getting involve in premarital sex (and other sexual immorality), drugs, wrong friendship, wild party, gangsterism, and other social disorders or disorientation.

The purpose of your existence is not intrinsically marriage, else our Lord Jesus Christ and Paul, the Apostle did not fulfill purpose on earth. Hence, have a re-think on your existence.

Due to high anticipation of marriage, a lot of people keep looking into the future and neglect the present. So, people concentrate on the future so much that they never lived their present.

The actions of the present translate into evidences of the future. Enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going.

No man has ever lived in the future. You are continuously living in the present. So, make the present meaningful. What you do with your singleness which is now is very important.

Faith is always in the NOW, but hope is in the future. If your faith (present) is defective, your future (hope) will never be realized.

What you do with your singleness (single life) will determine the level of your happiness in when you get married (that is, marriage).

There is a method for relationship and marriage, stop struggling and seek knowledge. Today is a gift or present, how do you want to treat it? Many have concentrated so much on the future that when the future eventually comes, it will not want to desire them (or the future will not be desirable to them.

A man who gets married to a lady because of her beauty or shape and the likes is like buying a coke simply because of the bottle. Can you buy a mansion because of the colour? Many concentrate on what they want and thus, forget what is necessary now. If you worry about what might be (in the future) and wonder on what has been (in the past); you will of course ignore what it is now (in the present). If you keep living in the future, you will never get your desires. Then, this will result to FRUSTRATION. Little wonder there are many singles who are frustrated. They have tried severally but failed woefully, and now they are desperate. When you are desperate, you are prone to make sub-optimum and poor choices which will result to regrets, unhappiness and loneliness.

Therefore, if you pursue purpose and meaningfulness as you pursue marriage (future) now, your life will be more fulfilling and you will touch other lives too. Thereby, you become a blessing.

Genesis 2:15-18.

Here, Adam was pursuing the purpose of his life, tending the garden God gave him and obeying His will. He was not pursuing marriage at all. He never considered marriage because; he was consumed with purpose, that is, God’s work. But, God realized he was alone.

When you pursue the work God has given to you, God will interrupt your life and introduce your life partner, the right suitor to you. You don’t need to struggle with marital issue, only get busy with your purpose and God’s work.

Proverbs 18:20-24.

The kind of spouse or partner you desire starts from your mouth. Some people need to begin by working first on their mouth. Verse 20 says, “A man’s stomach is satisfied by the produce of his lips.” You need to start to say the right things you desire. Relationship and marriage is more of giving. What you don’t have, you can’t give. Fill your heart with great and lovely things.

Singleness is a time to work and fill one’s heart with good things. If you want a good partner, you need to ask yourself if you are good person. You need to ask yourself if you worth being someone’s husband or wife, father or mother, in-law or friend.

You must ensure that you are spiritually, emotionally, physically and intellectually sound. Can you imagine marrying a shallow person? “Deep calleth unto deep.” The decision of the person you date or marry depends on the level of your spirituality at the time when you make the decision.

You need to understand that, there are beautiful witches and handsome devils. Don’t marry simply because of beauty or handsomeness. This could be a deceit. None of this is a fruit of the Spirit. What you do during your single state determines whether you will become a man or woman or rather a boy or girl later in life. Marriage is for a man and a woman, not for a boy and a girl. Maturity is defined here by the way you think not necessarily by age. There are some aged men and women that think like a teenager. Such are not matured.

Marriage is for two matured people, a man and a woman.

God desires that we have a great and fulfilled married life. But first, He wants us to have a fulfilled single life. It is when you are in purpose that God will interject you and bring your spouse your way. Many have abandoned God and made marriage desire their god. Therefore, they are miserable now. Your spouse cannot give you happiness, joy, comfort, peace, and so on. Only God can. That is why you should depend solely on Him, not on any mortal.

Marriage cannot solve your aloneness syndrome. It is possible you are in a relationship or married and yet feel alone in the relationship or the union.

Most singles move away from what they are to what they are not and in the long run, they become fakes and put on false identities. Can you imagine if two fake people get married? They will become a fake virus. Therefore, don’t lose your individuality or value because of the desire for marriage.

Be bold and confident of where you are on your way to where you are going to. Develop the person you are on the inside. Celebrate your uniqueness (what makes you different from others). Monotony kills interests; variety is the spice of life. We cannot be the same. Never!

God celebrates singleness, so celebrate it too now that you are a single. Celebrating singleness is about understanding your individuality and maximizing it to God’s glory.

Relationship is as good as what you and your partner bring into it. That is why the understanding of your destiny and identity (who you are) is very important. The devil has always been contending with our identity (as a sinlge) and purpose in life. When you compromise your identity, you lose your purpose. When you get your identity confused, you will get your blessings confused and misplaced as well. The devil will test your wholeness, uniqueness and gifts while being single and even in marriage. Many fell into temptations because they don’t understand their uniqueness and gifts.

Jesus understood His identity a single in the Word of God. When the devil came to Him in the wilderness, He said to him, “It is written…” Luke 4:4a, 8a.

A man is as holy as what he wants not what he wishes.

As a single person, you cannot play with God’s word. After the devil successfully confuses people, they then decide for marriage in their confused state. Little wonder we have lots of divorces today. When two confused people get married, they build a confused home.

If you don’t know who you are, what will you give someone else you are intending to spend the rest of your life with? The best thing a confused person can give is confusion.

Ladies, make sure you know a guy’s focus in life before you relate intimately with him and then, decide for marriage; because you will have to submit to him in marriage. Imagine you submitting to a confused man in marriage.

It is important to refine your identity. Don’t marry an empty man, because absolutely nobody will fill you in marriage. Singleness is a time to fill yourself to an overflow in God by the help of the Holy Spirit.

Your marriage is going to be as successful as your singleness. Many people are just getting to know each other in marriage, when they should have discussed as to knowing each other, they were busy playing around. They get to start to do courtship in marriage.

Your single state is very important, get this right. A question all intending partners must answer before knotting the tie and saying “Yes I do!” is this: “Why do I want to get married?”

Finally, know the right reasons for marriage. May God help you to be fulfilled as a single now and in your marriage in Jesus’ name.

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD

Message by Pastor Taiwo Odukoya
(The Senior Pastor, The Fountain of Life Church, Lagos) 
Click here to visit: The Fountain of Life Church Online

Luke 1:26-46

When the Lord visits you, regardless your condition, the first thing He will say to you is REJOICE just like the Angel said to Mary. You need to know that you are highly favoured. Perhaps, you are reading this piece and it’s like you are weighed down or downcast and aren’t sure of what tomorrow holds for you. Let me say these to you that, He who knows the thousand days and the thousand years ahead looks at you and says you are favoured.

Though, you can’t see the favour right now. I stand here to represent Him; I declare to you that you are favoured in Jesus’name. You will see the manifestation this year in Jesus’ name.

Verse 36. After the Lord said this to Mary, He added that even her cousin, Elisabeth, whom the world called barren will conceive and bear a child. In fact, she is in her sixth month now. Without any doubt, it was good news the Angel brought to Mary. The same applies to Ministers of the Word of God. They receive messages from God for His people. They are to rebuke, encourage and direct the people as to following God’s will. God doesn’t do things anyhow. He works according to His purpose. I declare to you that favour will drive you and announce your arrival in Jesus’ name.

When the Angel declared God’s Word to Mary, she wondered how it will be fulfilled since she was a virgin. But, the Angel said to her that, the Power of God, the Holy Spirit will overshadow her.

I don’t know what you have been through or what you are going through. There is an awesome Power and He will overwhelm your overwhelmer in Jesus’ name.

He will come upon you and when He comes, you will do what naturally you can’t do – the impossible. That’s why He is called the Enabler.

There was a name associated with Elisabeth before now, that is, “Barren”; simply because, she could not conceive. There was a condition that seems to hang on her neck that will not go and she had done every thing possible, even fasted and prayed of which her husband is a priest. Not just a priest, one of the highest priests, yet nothing changed.

Here, we are talking about the ministry of the Holy Spirit. We are talking about the Power and message that comes from above.

Verse 38b. Mary finally answered the Angel that, “May it be to me as you have said.”

If you call your name just as the Lord has called you, situations or the world would have no choice than to call you by the same. If you see your names in the Bible and call yourself by same, you will have them manifest in you. Names like, “I am blessed”, “I am highly favoured”, “I will be above and not beneath”, “I am an example of a believer to everyone I meet”, and so on.

These are the ways the Bible defines you. When you define yourself in this manner, the world will give way and things will change. Contrariwise, if you allow the world to change your name, you will become miserable. May the name God has not given you that the devil is trying to put on you and those men want to christen you; you will not bear in Jesus’ name.

Verse 42-46. Where am going is this; I don’t know what your condition is. Some are young just looking forward to their marriage life, while some think that they should have married about 5 years ago or thereabout. That’s alright. But you see, God’s time is always the best.

Why? Because had Elisabeth given birth long time before she conceived John, I wonder what her child or children would have been. Elisabeth’s destiny was to bring forth John, the forerunner of Jesus’ Christ. That’s all. All the other children would have been addendum. Where as, in the case of a woman like Leah, she would bring out almost all the Princes of Israel. You will also wonder why her sister, Rachael would not bring forth so quickly, having tried severally. God only needed Joseph from her. Without Joseph, all the children of Israel would have died miserably in Egypt - the land of captivity.

When God’s time was due, He opened the Heaven’s gate and spread His curtain and visited Mary. When it was His time, He visited Zechariah too. When He visits you, He wants you to agree with whatever He says or tells you. Have faith and never doubt His word. Don’t disagree with divine instructions. Maintain a consistent confession of faith.

I declare to you now, if you desire to get married in a few years from now you will get it in Jesus’ name. Perhaps, you think yours is past acceptable year, God will do it for you in Jesus’ name.

You are the one calling it past; God is not calling it past. Therefore, your time is just starting not past.

People allow the devil to frustrate them so easily. Having tried for some times, they gave up and abandoned God. Such people then turned to the devil for help.

When the Angel came to Mary, it was not a marriage situation, but a miracle situation. Though, when He came to her, she was preparing for her marriage, being espoused to Joseph. When the Angel interrupted her life and marriage plans, He delivered God’s message to her. She told him she was a virgin and not married yet. Then, she asked, “How is it going to be possible?”

Maybe you are like Mary. You are still single, but right now preparing for marriage. What is the thing in your life that is making you to ask the question ‘how’?

Or perhaps, you have heard so many messages in the Church, attended several conferences, seminars and forum, yet you ask the question ‘how’. Is it because you are quite old and past puberty? Is it because you have problems with your womb and medical reports say you cannot conceive? Is it because two or more men have come around to you and later abandoned or left you at the point of deciding for marriage? And now, you are past 30 years? Is it that you carry a curse on your head? I don’t really know what constitutes the ‘how’ in your life.

The Angel of the Lord is saddled with the task to deliver God’s words to His people. Likewise, Pastors are God’s Servants too. They are Angels of the House of God. What this implies is that I have a message for you.

Don’t think your life is over anymore. The best of you is just beginning in Jesus’ name.

If the experience of Mary with the Angel is to happen now and you are to be Mary, will you believe like she did? This is something that will precipitate a revolution in your life.

Mary’s story is quite sweet to read today and talk on, what if it applies to you?

Whatever that will happen to you that men will talk about will be beyond your ability. It will be by God. That is where you find the Holy Spirit helpful and indispensable. I pray that the tangibility of God whom you serve will follow you somehow through this year in Jesus’ name. Not that you don’t have Him, but I mean evidences, the reality of Him.

Verse 34a. So, she said, “how?”

The Holy Spirit is at work in your life, therefore, nothing is impossible. I need your faith. God needs you to believe and absolutely trust Him.

Though, Mary had not seen such before, where a virgin will conceive, yet he believed God can do what He says. She believed.

Did the Angel say, “Nothing is impossible with God?” Of course yes. Then, what is your problem? What makes you think your case is impossible? He said “nothing”. So, how serious is your problem? Except He is not the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the King of kings, the Maker of heaven and earth, and the Creator of all things. If He says to you nothing is impossible, then what is that problem? What makes your feel your case is beyond His word?

If God will not need any man for conception, don’t you think He doesn’t need you to link you to your husband or your wife? He doesn’t need human methodology. That is not to say that you should despise human institutions or regulations. No! But, what I am saying is that let your faith get strong in Christ. Don’t you ever think or dream of giving up on God. If He can cause conception, how much more to find a suitor, a physical man or woman. You think He cannot bring him or her your way.

For example, look at the story of Rahab, a prostitute. Do you know that her status change? She became the mother of kings. Indeed, with God all things are possible.

The question is this, how did a prostitute get married? Salmon, a prince in the order of our Lord Jesus Christ married her. Matthew 1:5.

Deut. 7:1-9. God had instructed the Israelites not to marry the foreigners in the Promised Land and that they should kill them and not spare anything or anyone. They slew the Moabites and all the people across River Jordan. But Rahab was spared and became highly placed in Israel.

Which right thinking man on earth with his senses will look and choose such a despicable woman, a known prostitute, and one will not say a curse is upon him.

But she got married. Not just that, she married one of the highest in Israel. Her son, Boaz also got married to a Moabite - Ruth.

How horrible is your case? Does the Holy Spirit inhabit you? Is God still alive? Do miracles still happen? Is the power of God upon you? Then, change your thought and confession and you will see your miracles happen. Just change your thought and words. How? Begin to say what Mary said and think what she thought. Say what God has said about you.

Someone may say this, what about sin? Sin is a major issue with most singles.

When God calls you, He has already prepared His rewards. The problem is when you start out with Him; you don’t see your blessings. Therefore, the devil will present counterfeit rewards to you in order to distract you from God. Distraction from God would not be your portion in Jesus’ name.

If you get distracted, you can make a 40days journey becomes 40years. The Israelites who were distracted ended up being destroyed in the wilderness and never got to the Promised Land. I pray that you will not miss it in Jesus’ name. May your 11days to receiving your blessings never become 11years. That is why this year is your year of COMPLETE TURN AROUND in the name of Jesus.

How do we tie the issue of sin? Don’t play with sin. Don’t allow the devil into your life. He is a counterfeiter. God perfectly knows that you need pleasure, security, money…name it. He had prepared them all for you to enjoy life. 1Timothy 6:17c; 2Peter 1:3.

When you get out there, you will see a lot of deception and lies. Someone will tell you that, if you can date me, I will take good care of you, a married man not to imagine. Or someone will say to you that, if you can just join us in our cult group, we will ensure that you don’t suffer in life.

These are ways the devil threatens with lies and sweep people off balance. He shows you sex (or pornography), pool, money and all sorts in order to keep you off your steadfastness. Always know that God has provisions for you in a right way (as a good Shepherd) and He will legitimately get them to you at the right time.

The devil often gives people small things and cart away their destinies in return.

Consider Joseph for example; God told him He would favour him. Then, Portiphar’s wife came to him with pleasure. He could not trade God’s favour with the sexual pleasure she offered him. Had he consented to this, someone else would have replaced him.

God has made promises concerning you; don’t allow the devil to distract you away from Him. I pray His grace will be sufficient for you. You will never consent to evil deception and lies.

The devil cannot think about you more than God would do. Where was he when God made you? He fearfully and wonderfully created you in His own image.

Just know and believe that you are complete in Him, who is the Head of over all principalities and powers. Your future is secured in Him alone.

Should Joseph have succumbed to her pressure; he would not have risen beyond her to become the Prime Minister of Egypt. He was to rule over the entire Egypt like Pharaoh.

That is why the devil wanted to deceive him with sex through Portiphar’s wife. She would have put him under her thighs forever.

Don’t be deceived and never fall to the lies and deception of the enemy. Avoid premarital sex as a single waiting to get married.

The Lord blesses you.