MONEY AND RELATIONSHIP PART 1: (HOW FINANCES AFFECT MARITAL RELATIONSHIP)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Is it possible to experience true love without money? Why is it that people are experiencing challenges with money in their relationships? Are there things people can do in order to have a good relationship and money will not be a problem? What are the things you need to do and look for when dating or when we get married about money?

Matthew 19:1-6 (NLT)

The Scriptures says that, when you get married to someone, you are united together into one. That is, when you come to the altar, when you say I do, you say I do to everything about the man or woman. You need to consider this very well so that you don’t have to say what did I do afterwards. When you say I do, you say I do to his/her ways of life. So, emotions should not be a major factor to be considered in deciding on who to marry. Emotions change, that is why it is called “e-motions”; meaning “always changing”. Therefore, if you base your decisions only on emotions, your emotions may change about the person because they are very fickle.

So, to decide on whether to marry someone or not, you need to consider so many things. When you begin to consider first how to have sex before marriage, you will stop to consider important issues, of which money or finance is an important issue.

Life Action Ministries defined marriage as stated below:

1.   A holy covenant 

2.   Initiated by God

3.  Conditioned on an irrevocable promise

4.  Oneness with an imperfect person of the opposite sex

5.  For a lifetime

6. To glorify God

Oneness with an imperfect person implies that you are not looking for someone who is perfect, but you are looking for someone who you are perfect together, someone who is perfect for you. You should know then that your mindset and thinking about money is different from his/her mindset and thinking about the same. Therefore, when you come into a relationship, you need to ensure that such mindset is worked on before you say I do.

There are three most important issues in any relationship or marriage, namely:

1.      Communication: When both of you build a good communication, you will have a good marriage.

2.      Sex in marriage: When you are satisfied with the issue of sex in marriage, it is a pointer that you will have a good marriage.

3.      Money: This is one of the most important issues in marriage. It is unavoidable that must be discussed before and after marriage. Money is more romantic than divorce. Couples who disagree about finances once a week are more likely to divorce than couples who disagree a few times a week about finances. Once you keep disagreeing once a week, there is likelihood it ends up in divorce. Also, 45% of money talks among partners end up in argument. (Ref: American Express Spending and Tracker Survey). Once you start argument in your relationship, you begin to introduce dangerous things into it. You can have disagreement, but avoid argument. Argument is usually a strong destructive emotion. Spend more time in discussing on constructive issues in your relationships and marriage and doing constructive things.(Ref: American Express Spending and Tracker Survey).

If two people are in a relationship and they spend more time arguing, they are spending more time on destructive issues, you may need to break such relationship because you are agreeing on important things.

Some people indulge in pre-nuptial agreement, this anticipates divorce. It is only because of money and physical resources. However, though money is important, money should not be the reason you marry someone. This is because money doesn’t have loyalty; it doesn’t have character or traits. It doesn’t like or hate you. It is neutral to life. Proverbs 23:5. Money develops wings and then flies away. If you marry someone because of money, once the money finishes, the person will turn away from you. That is why you should know the reason someone wants to get married to you; especially if you are someone with resources.

There are some people who want to get married because they want children. Once you have given them children, such will tell you that you have finished your duty and then abandon you. Some need someone to take care of them, while some need someone to pay their bills. So, you need to investigate why someone wants to get married to you.

You need someone who believes what God believes about you and someone who will be committed to achieving what God believes about you. You need someone who has a vision.

Why is money so important in a relationship?

1.      Money is a support system:  It determines your comfort level. All the things that make you comfortable in this world are monetized. Clothes, cars, houses, etc are monetized, you need to buy them. Imagine you are married and your wife is pregnant, but you don’t have a car, do you think money will determine your comfort level or not? The kind of schools your children can attend and where you live all depend on or are determined by money. Holidays cost money. Whether you go on holiday to a distant place or near places is all determined by money. So, it is a support system. Without this, you will barely be surviving. If your genuine needs are not being met consistently over an extended period of time because of financial difficulties, it will affect the harmony of your relationship. Because, frustration will set in and it will put you under emotional pressure. Therefore, it will be difficult to perform the duties (sexual, physical, financial and emotional duties) you are required to perform. Once you have emotional pressure, you have emotional imbalance. Though, you may be in a situation of lack, you need to realize and acknowledge God as your source of financial provision. The solution is not in frowning but in the word of God. Job 15:12 (MSG). When your emotions take over when you lack money in a relationship and you are under emotional pressure or tension, you begin to speak fire. Whatever you speak is what will happen in your relationship. Proverbs 14:30. When there is provision for you, it is robust body. Sound mind will make you look good and healthier. Lack of money corrodes your body and makes your think too much causing hypertension. You income level will determine the kind of problem you will have or face in a relationship. Low income people, there major problem is access to resources is usually difficult. This will increase there stress level and often result into fighting and poor health. For medium and high income people, there problem is not usually about getting the money, but about spending it. That is, accountability.

You can’t live on love, you need money to survive. We live in the world, though not of the world; if they spend money in the world, we will need money in order to build healthy and successful relationships in the world. Money is neutral, neither good nor bad and neither positive nor negative. It can be a source of security or anxiety, comfort or curiosity. God has created us with good tastes to richly enjoy all things; money changes our taste and gives enjoyment.

2.      Money can be an opportunity for power or impotence: When a man doesn’t have money, it affects his ego and renders him incapable.

Why is money a big source of problem to married people who have said they are committed to one another? It is important because we are from different backgrounds and have seen money from different views. Some come from a background that encourages people to save, some otherwise while others are from an indifferent or neutral background.  In a relationship, when you have different opinions about your expenditures, you need to discuss and balance yourselves. Because, a saver always concentrates on the future; when you do that you may neglect what you need to do in the present that can build your relationship and bring both of you closer to better intimacy. Therefore, it is not how much money you have or don’t have that matters, but it is your attitude to money that matters. You need to know your attitude to money as well as your partner's attitude to money before you get married.

1 Timothy 6:6-10. The love of money is the root of all evil. Love of anything above God is idolatry. If you want to marry someone and you discover he/she loves money too much, it is a signal that he/she may love money more than they love you and may sacrifice you for money. He/she may give up on you for money because he/she loves money more than you.

FEW THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU MARRY SOMEONE YOU ARE DATING

1.      Is he/she looking who will pay his/her bills? Is he/she a gold digger who wants to enjoy the benefit of reaping what he/she hasn’t sown? Perhaps, he/she is a leech, that every where you go, he/she is always asking you for money. Or always ask you for the things he/she can’t afford. Does he/she expect you to pay for everything always? When you are in a relationship and people are compelling you to buy something (affordable or non-affordable) for him/her, you need to be careful because you are not married yet.

2.      Is he/she secretive about his/her finances? Does he/she tell you ho much he/she earns?

3.      Does he/she control you with money? Does he/she demands you to do something before he/she gives you money or gifts? Does he/she see money as a power tool? Any person who sees money as a power tool will always want to subjugate you.

4.      Is he/she stingy or frivolous about money? Is he/she a saver or spender? You need to know if he/she consistently loves buying things on credit or not? Such a person becomes a debtor. How can you marry a debtor or arbitrary borrower?

5.      Is he/she a lazy person or very industrious? If he/she is lazy, it will surely affect you when you get marry. Proverbs 21:25.

You need to trust God for your financial life. It good to save and have financial plans, but God is always the true source of wealth. He teaches our hands to make wealth. Deuteronomy 8:18.

Money is very important in a relationship before you get married, but it is very important that you sort it out before you get married.

To be continued...

 

HANDLING PRIDE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

One of the most important vices that must be overcome in order to have a fruitful and successful relationship is PRIDE. Many people have made a mess of their lives and relationships due to pride.

When a known Christian falls into a sin of fornication and carelessly gets pregnant, it is often due to pride, at times, when he/she get puffed up with the knowledge you think you have about relationship

Even married couples need to deal with it too because it is very destructive. Lucifer was sent out of heaven because of it. Ezekiel 28. There are know and unknown things in our lives that often give elevated opinions about ourselves. We need to watch out. There are so many people who have lost their gifts because of pride.

There is always something in your life that you look at that causes you to be prideful and therefore based on that you become prideful to others and elevate yourself unusually. There is nothing we have that we didn’t receive. Why do you boast as if you were self-made? There is no self-made man; you should realize that all glory must return to God.

Pride is deeply in the heart of every man and this makes us to tend to discuss and compare ourselves with others when we meet. It is part of human nature to compare oneself with others. So, you need to deal with it.

DEFINITIONS

1.      Pride always have resultant effects and causes you to sin. Pride leads to anger, anger leads to malice, malice leads to hatred and hatred leads to others sins. This is how pride progresses on in sin. It was through pride that the Devil became the devil. Every time you are prideful, you become an opponent of God.

2.      Pride is simply thinking you are better than somebody else. It reflects in a relationship when your partner is not willing to hear your opinions on a matter, thereby making you feel like a moron. It is a deceiving spirit that makes you feel you are always right and makes you despise spiritual instructions and advices. It will hinder you from seeking for useful counsels and advices because you think you know. You always want endorsement. It results into failure at all times.

3.      Pride is the absence of humility and teachable spirit. Prideful people also boast that they don’t change their minds. It is self worship or idolatry as such that you believe you are your own god.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH PRIDE?

1.      Pride changes your way of thinking from best to worst. You think only about yourself where you feel your opinions, feelings and emotions are superior at all times. As such, you will always hurt others and never say “I am sorry” when you are wrong.

2.      Pride makes you prone to mistakes and errors. Proverbs 11:2. Prideful people always miss out useful information needed to make best decisions because they feel they know. Therefore, they will always make serious mistakes and errors. Not accepting possible mistakes committed is a sign of pride. With mistakes come shame and destruction. Pride steals your identity. Prideful people always want the spot light to be on them and are usually selfish. He/she wants the partner to always be centre of attraction and become intimidated if otherwise. Then, tries to manipulate him or her as to dominate.

3.      Pride is the source of contention and friction or conflict in a relationship. Proverbs 13:10. There is nothing as honourable as learning to say “sorry”. A lot of people seek after who is right rather than what is right. Men have a lot of ego; therefore, women have to learn submission. To do this, you have to be filled with the Holy Spirit and always speak in tongues so as to be able to always speak right and use helpful words.

4.      Pride makes you blind to your fault, disregard other people’s views and disrespect them. It makes you non-progressive and obstinate. Any thing that the Spirit can’t change in you makes you prideful.

WHY IS PRIDE TO BE DEALT WITH?

        1.      It is a sin. Proverbs 21:4 (MSG). Any prideful man is distinguished by wickedness.

        2.      It will be punished and judged by God. Proverbs 16:5 (NLT).

        3.      God hates pride. Proverbs 6:16. God resists the proud people and makes it makes you become          God’s opponent. James 4:6.

        4.      It is a route to destruction. Proverbs 16:18.

        5.      It takes you far from God. Psalms 10:4. When you are in a relationship and you are prideful, God stays far away from you.

        6.      It makes you a fool.

        7.      It is a recipe for disgrace and shame. Daniel 5:20 (NKJV). When you get into pride, your heart and spirit get hardened. That is when you become obstinate.

        8.      It short-circuits your life and relationships. Ecclesiastes 7:8.

HOW TO HANDLE PRIDE

1 Corinthians 13:4; Ephesians 4:2

1.    Walk in love and be patient with people:  People will make mistakes because they are not up to your standard, so be very patient with them. You should know and understand that there are people that are better and richer than you. God is so generous that He makes all things go. That is why charm is deceitful and beauty fades away or disappears with time.

2.    Always be humble and gentle:         It is impossible to be humble without being gentle. How you want to be treated, treat others. Humility pleases God. In life, because we all have different views and dealings, it is not wrong to have a different opinions and thoughts. You agree to disagree. So, you should also disagree to agree. With humility comes honour. Every time you want to have your way, check your spiritual antenna because it takes the Spirit to be humble and gentle.
Marriage is like a service; if you should compete, compete on who to serve most not otherwise. The best way you enjoy sex in marriage is to have the attitude of servicehood, a situation where you always seek to give desirable pleasure and satisfaction to your partner.
It takes humility to learn and carry out servicehood. That you are a jovial person doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have boundaries. You should draw and define boundaries. Every relationship should have a boundary.

May the Lord help you with His Spirit and strengthen your faith in Him. Amen.

INTEGRITY AND HONESTY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Genesis 2:25

HONESTY

At the beginning, everything was clear as day and clearly open between the first man, Adam and his wife, Eve. Though, they both saw each other’s nakedness, shame, humiliation and embarrassment, yet were not ashamed.

Today, some people are embarrassed about their partners because of the pieces of information they have gotten about them. If you will have a fruitful relationship, there should not be any secret or lies. You must be open at all times. For your relationship to be fruitful, you must pursue truth.

God was the Center of the first man and woman’s relationship, and He covered them with His glory. So, they had no shame and saw each other’s secret.

The reason people lie about their true status or full status is simply because they want to gain advantage and put their partners in the dark. So, a lady who has had past abortion will not want to disclose it to her partner. You should be honest and truthful because something challenging may be waiting for you in the future which will then be as a result of the fear of being jilted. It is easier to reveal secrets that won’t hurt or that will benefit you than otherwise. Both parties must be committed to truth and the Lord Jesus Christ, because He is the Truth. John 8:32.

Honesty is the foundation of any meaningful relationship. It is being truthful, sincere and far away from deceit. Integrity is being whole and indivisible. Some people are so different in different seasons and situations. So, you need to see them in these different seasons and situations before you decide on love as to marriage.

When there is honesty in a relationship, it will be easy for you to trust each other. When someone is committed to truth, you can trust him or her.

When you are in a relationship, you need to ask yourself if you can stand-in for your partner or not? Else, if you marry, you will regret ever doing so.

Truth is conformity to fact and reality. When you are honest to each other, you will be able trust each other and know the whole truth about each other. Trust is firm believe in someone or something.

Honesty is something you do on a consistent basis. Where there is trust, there is growth. Relationship cannot grow in situations where there are suspicions. Both of you must be committed to telling each other the truth at all times. You must be honest in your speech and actions. Avoid systematic or deliberate avoidance of truth. You simply weave a tangled web when you practice deceit. Telling lies is stressful, because you need to always remember what you said last. You always want to cover lies and become inconsistent.

HONESTY

Therefore, when you are in a relationship, don’t compromise the virtue of honesty. Avoid emotional deceit too. You can always consider someone for a relationship if he or she is first of all true to himself or herself, then also true to you.

Honesty is a reflection of good character. Someone who is not honest does not have good characters. When you rehearse and meditate on God’s word and allow it to live inside you, it will be quickly generated and be your response when lies come to you in order to sieve them out.

When you are in a relationship, it is about the pursuit of truth in all aspects of life, so as to know if you are compatible or not and if you can walk together.

For others to be truthful to you, you have to first be truthful to yourself; and to be truthful to yourself, you need to first discover yourself. People compromise their values because of untruthfulness to self. Tell yourself the truth always. Ask yourself what you want and why you want what you want. You should know your motives. If your motives are wrong your actions will always be wrong. Your actions will always be coloured by your motives.

When you live in dishonesty because you don’t tell yourself the truth, you become enslaved and get into captivity and live a stressful life. It is only in an atmosphere of freedom that you can experience growth.

Some people start to conform to their partners’ demands in order to please their spouses even in a relationship and therefore stop being themselves.

When a relationship breaks, what is painful is whether you have lost your identity or can you regain who you are. If all you are doing in a relationship is to stop being yourself, please your partner and try to become someone else; it becomes a syndrome of unworthiness, that is, inferiority complex.

If there is something you cannot continue in marriage, don’t start it in a relationship. Don’t start what you cannot continue in marriage when you are in a courtship. When you are not true and honest with yourself, you compromise your standards. Ephesians 4:25 (NLT).

HONESTY

Without integrity and honesty in a relationship, the relationship will disintegrate. True intimacy is only possible when there is truth and honesty. Intimacy is about gradual relationship built on truth. You feel more pains when you break up a relationship not because you break up, but because you fail to tell yourself truth about yourself and had avoided certain truths about your partner. You keep quite because you are afraid of hurting him or her, because truth is bitter and really hurts. But lies hurt more.

You must always give people opportunity to ask questions and express themselves in order to be honest and tell you the truth always. Sin will thrive in secrecy, so always allow your spouse to express himself or herself.

Relationship is about the pursuit of truth. Truth about the past, present and future. Where there is no truth, there can be no honesty. And where there is no honesty, there can be no integrity which is a foundation of good relationship.

Truth is synonymous to light. When truth is revealed, you should pause and find out if you can go on or not. Don’t struggle with it. When you struggle, you build on lies. Constant communication is crucial to the discovery of truth in a relationship. If you have not discussed it, you are not in a relationship.

Proverbs 11:20 (MSG); Proverbs 14:2.

God cannot stand deceivers. An honest life is a respect before God and people will always see you in the light of God. When you hide truth, you don’t just hurt your partner; but you hurt yourself as well and deprive yourself many good things. If you hide the truth, you deprive yourself the opportunity of meeting your needs in a relationship.

When you don’t give people opportunity to ask questions, you give them opportunity to crack their brain on philosophies on how to reason out things. Save them all of these and answer their questions.

WHAT HONESTY DOES IN A RELATIONSHIP?

  1.  Honesty ensures time is not wasted in a relationship and you don’t have a heart break.

  2.  It keeps you from stress (stress-free) because you are not using your time scheming.

  3.  It builds trust and focus in a relationship.

Marriage is stressful enough, therefore, apply wisdom in deciding so as not to add more stress.

Don’t tell a woman “I love you” if you don’t mean it. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you.

CHARACTER (Part 2) - RESPECT

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(The President of Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Character is like a foundation. It is a spring board from which all we do and say in life comes. If this foundation should crack, so many other things in your life will be cracked. The truth is that there are so many people who do not have the right character.

The attitude anyone needs to learn first of all is how to reveal Christ to people so that we can actively represent Him. Character is not about subtraction (that is, taking away), it is about addition.

2 Peter 1:5 says, “...add to your faith virtue, knowledge, self control, perseverance, godliness, kindness, and love.”

Respect is on of the vital building blocks in the life of a man.

1 Samuel 30:1-15.

Ziglag is a place where David stayed; he was raided while he was away. When he came back, he was very distressed when he found out that his wives, his children, his men’s wives and their children too had all been taken away. In the midst of the distress, they found a slave who ordinarily was a nonentity. Somebody who people would say was no use, and to prove this, his master must have abandoned him there thinking he was of no use to him any longer. This was somebody he had served for so long, but because he became sick, his master thought things were more important than him; therefore he left him.

Now let me ask you, if it was his master’s son that was sick, would he have left his son? No. But because he thought this guy was of no use, the animals can kill him in the wilderness or whoever sees him can kill him and he would even die of hunger. But somebody else – David found him. Now, David was in distress, agony and pain, which he felt he had lost everything. Even the people whom he had given a life that had no life before, his men started talking about stoning him. Now, if you were in that position, you’ve lost everything that you’ve worked for; even the people you have helped to climb the ladder of life are now against you; if anyone of them comes to you, I’m sure you will disrespect the person.

Now he found somebody who was part of the people who raided him. The first thing he did was to offer him food and drink until he regained his full strength.

There are so many of us that sometimes, we despise and disrespect the gifts that God has given to us, because we think those people are beneath us. Because we think that we are better than some people. David was distressed so it was a good situation for him not to show respect to anyone and the same thing happens to us a number of times. We are pressed and often under a lot of pressure and here come somebody willing to meet you or relate with you. Because of that pressure, you disrespect the person forgetting that he or she may be a gift to you.

David prayed and God told him, pursue, you will overtake. Sometimes, we pray for miracles to happen in our lives and God tells that that miracle is going to happen. You pray ‘Lord, where is my husband? Lord where my wife is?’ and God says ‘Soon you will meet your wife; soon you will meet your husband.’ And that person comes, because you are under pressure, you disrespect the person. Because you think ‘I am under pressure,’ you disrespect the gift. That’s not your portion in Jesus Name.

At times, we loose things and it is the little foxes, the Bible says that spoil the vine, the things we do not think are important, they are so important that they take us off course, therefore today you need to start paying attention to the little things that you think does not matter.

Be careful how you treat people and what you tell people in times of distress, because you may disrespect your gift.

Respect is defined as esteem for or a sense of the worth of excellence of a person. It is also defined as to show regard or consideration. You can also say that it is acknowledging that someone has value and worth. This does not mean that you agree with what people say all the time, but you still treat them like you know they have worth, they have value. It is a spirit of reverence for people. And it is not where they are or what they are doing; you need to give them respect.

If you read Roman 12:10, the later part of it, one version says “...give each other more honour, than you want for yourself...” Many of us want people to honour us, respect us, but do you respect people?

1 Peter 2:17 (New Living Translation Bible) “Respect everyone...”

No matter what their class it, no matter who they are, ‘respects everyone’ The Bible has not put a condition. If they respect you, respect them... is that what the Bible says? No. It is absolute

... and love your Christian brothers and sisters, fear God and respect the King

1 Peter 2:17 (The Message Bible) “Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your Spiritual family. Revere God, respect the government.”

Do you know what it means to treat everyone with dignity? Because they are Kings and Queens in their own right. The Bible says that God has made us in his image, so if I disrespect anyone, I disrespect the image of God upon that life. We all know that God does not show partiality. The Bible says that God is not partial; He is no respecter of a person. I have found out that human beings are prone to attaching values on others based on what he sees on them.

If a brother walks in now and he is wearing a ‘powerful’ shirt, you’ll attach some value to him. Or you come into church and see a brother or a sister driving a BMW 3 Series, you’ll say “ah this sister must have value” You have defined her/him by their car. It’s amazing to know how people categorize others like they categorize cars. ‘Oh, this one must be a “Jeep”, this one is a ‘504’, this one is a Toyota Corolla 1975 Model, this one, is a Benz, this one is Rolls Royce, that’s how we categorize people and because of that, we now treat people based on the way we categorize them. If the person you’ve categorized in your mind as a Jeep steps up to you, there is a way most people look at them with despise, and they may have something.

Respecting people helps you to learn because there is something they have that you don’t have. When you learn to respect people, you gain knowledge. You categorize them and you behave to them based on you perception and because of that, you loose a gift God wants to bless you with. Every man is a blessing. There is a blessing that can come from them because they are created in the image of God. That’s why the Bible says I wish that no man will perish.

It is not what they are wearing or what they are driving that gives them value. What gives them value is that first of all, they are created in the image of God. Therefore, you should start to see people in the right light so that we can respect them, and you won’t lose your gifts. Someone said, it is easy and even ego boosting to respect people similar to us, but it is valuing people different from us that convinces the most noble on respect. Value people and give them the respect they deserve.

How you treat others is a reflection of your relationship with God. If you treat others shabbily and you don’t treat them well, you don’t have a good relationship with God. The Bible says that,”God is love”. If God fills your heart, love will feel your heart, and unconditional love will fill your heart - the love of God has been shared abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. You can’t be someone who studies and meditates on the word of God, who has a relationship with the word of God, who prays, who stays in the presence of God; yet not talk about God to others. There is no way that you get in the word of God that God will not rub on you; and when God rubs on you, when you talk to people, you will talk God to them.

Can you imagine if every time you annoy God, He says something, everybody will be dead?  So we need to know how to value people and it is based on our relationship with God. When you stop respecting people, take a look at yourself and ask what the kind of your relationship with God is? Do I have a good relationship with God? I am tired of Christians saying “Oh I am a Christian, and you cannot see it in the fruits.

I was ministering somewhere recently and God opened my eyes to something in 1John 2:15-17, that all that is in the world is a craving for physical things and craving for pleasure. You know why we are having a lot of divorces in the church, it’s because we are following the standards of the world and we are getting the results of the world. We are following Hollywood rather than ‘HOLY WORD.’ People will continue to get divorced in the church if we want to do it the way of the world. It is in the world that if you don’t respect me I won’t respect you. But it is different in the scriptures; it is different in the Bible because you are to present God to people at all times.

The reason some people are not married today is because they can’t respect people. It is difficult for them to respect people. If you can’t respect people now, when you are not in a relationship, when you get into a relationship, when the boundaries are much closer, you won’t respect the person. Your single time is a training ground for you. 

HOW TO RESPECT OTHERS

     1. LISTENING: One of the things you do in respecting people is listening. For someone to come and talk to you sometimes (I am not talking about gossip), they have shown you some respect. What you need to do is to give them some respect, at least listen to them regardless their state. Some people walk up to you, maybe in the church and before you know it, you are already moving away from them.

      2. YOUR SPEECHES AND ACTIONS: Our respects show up in our speeches and actions. You can look at somebody and right there they know you have disrespected them, especially women know how to do that a lot. They look at somebody from head to toe and quickly size up their shoes and dresses.

      3. BE CONSIDERATE: One of the ways you can respect people is to be considerate to them. So many people are not considerate. You need to get to a point were you put yourself in their shoes, where you consider the other person before yourself. In Nigeria, it is difficult for most people to be considerate because they think something will finish. When you are driving on the highway, you will notice this. If we were to queue up here now to receive some things, you will see how some people will push others and disrespect them, because they think it will finish. What if you don’t get? It is not the end of life. What we are sharing doesn’t define your life.

     4. AVOID ASSUMPTION: Don’t assume. So many of us assume things. When you see someone in a situation you just start to assume or when people tell you something, you start to make assumptions. ‘This guy must be a sinner that is why this has happened to him.’  And based on that, you begin to judge them. So many people judge others to defend God. Even if somebody sins, yes they have committed fornication, theft, and so on; then you now judge them because you say ‘I am the holy one, I am representing God.’ Thereby judging others to defend God. Even God did not judge them. There is His God’s love saying, ‘I know it was a mistake, but you can come back.’

Character is like an aroma, it will draw people to you, because people like people who respect people. Many people lack simple courtesy or manners. For instance, ‘excuse me’, ‘thank you’, ‘sorry.’ This is common to men than women. Therefore, men must learn to be able to say, ‘I am sorry’ when he is wrong. Some people always think they are right, though this happens among both sexes.

     5. LET HIS OR HER OPINION COUNT: If you are dating someone and he does not think that you should have an opinion, he is disrespecting you, he is disrespecting your parents that sent you to school, that spent money on you to go and learn how to think, saying that they have wasted their money. Also, He is disrespecting God because you read from the word of God and the Word of God gives you wisdom. He is telling you that the wisdom you are taking from God is no wisdom. There are some things we do of which we don’t know their implications. So, if you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t think your opinion counts, break the relationship today, because it is not going to change. Some people believe that marriage is a rehabilitation centre. When I get married to him, he will change or I will change him (because you are the Holy Ghost?).Marriage is not a rehabilitation centre, if he has not changed now, he won’t change; it will take the Holy Ghost to spin him or her around and bring a change to his or her life.

Therefore, you need to make a conscious effort to respect others. Respecting people doesn’t just fall on you, it is always by choice, and line upon line, precept upon precept, and the practice makes the perfect. If you do it over and over and over again, it will become part of your nature; then everybody who comes to you will be duly respected. You will give them the value that God places on them. Do you know what it means to value people the way God values them? It is only God that can bring you to do so. That’s why the way you value people, is a reflection of your relationship with God.

A husband or a wife who had an extra marital affair (outside marriage); such is disrespecting his or her spouse. People will listen to you easily and cooperate with you easily if you respect them. Because everybody likes to be treated like a Queen or King. You won’t need so much energy or so much effort to get their attention when needed.

If you have a friend and you relate always, let it be such that when you ask the person out, she doesn’t has to reconsider you request. You realize at a point in your friendship that, perhaps you are being led by the Holy Spirit; day in day out, when that guy asks you out, you know already. Some people say ‘I want to go and pray about it.’ Most people never prayed about it, they will rejoice about it. When you ask someone out, some people have doubts about you because of the things you have done.

If you place value on people, you won’t have a lot of conflicts with them. An often time, what causes conflicts is due to different opinions. So many people fight in their relationships simply because of disrespect, someone’s opinions are not being heard or a character issue of wanting to be first rather than preferring the other to yourself.

Never make any commitment to anyone in order to get to him or her, not even to date him or her, if they don’t show you respect. If they do not respect you, don’t commit to them. The thing about respect is this, when people are respecting you, you may not know, but when they disrespect you, you know. For instance, it becomes second place for you to say “thank you, excuse me, and so on. But, if I rush through the door and hit you, I’m sure you will look and say, “Who is this guy?” Especially, if it is a lady “wow, no manners!” therefore, it is normal to us to know and quickly observe when the wrong things happen to us.

THINGS THAT AFFECT SHOWING RESPECT TO OTHERS

There are two things that affect respect, they are:

    1.OUR WORDS

      2.OUR ACTIONS

Sometimes when you correct people, you need to watch what you tell them and your actions. Though they have done something wrong, but you can still disrespect them. The truth is, it is not about being right, but it’s about doing the right thing all the time. Even when somebody has done something wrong, if you need to correct them, you need to correct in love properly.

Proverbs 15:2 (Amplified Bible) says, “The tongue of the wise utters knowledge rightly, but the mouth of the self confident fool, pours out folly.”

Self confidence; you are sure you know it. 1 Corinthians 13 says “...knowledge puffs up...” You are sure you are right but the Bible says, ‘The mouth of the self confident fool pours out folly; but the tongue of the wise utters knowledge rightly.’ So, even though someone may be wrong, it doesn’t give you the right to disrespect them.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language; let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

(The Message Bible) “Watch the way you talk...” (Even when you are angry, when someone upsets you, when you are right).

Let nothing foul or dirty come out from your mouth. Say only what helps, each word is a gift.

Some people when someone has done wrong, they will now bury them more. Yes the guy is down; you don’t need to dip him further down.

Colossians 4:6 says, “Let our words be seasoned with salt...” What does seasoning do? It adds flavour to food, preserves food, heals open sores, comforts and gives healing. Seasoning will add flavour. Let what you say add flavour irrespective of what happens.

From the story we read at the beginning, what David said added flavour to that guy’s life, else he would have died. He also preserved his life and this brought healing to his sores. We should ensure that as we treat people, one of the major things that we need to work on is our mouth because we use it a lot to disrespect people.

Proverbs 10:11 (The Message Bible) says, “The mouth of a good person is a deep life giving well, but the mouth of the wicked is a dark cave of abuse.”

As you go out today, make it a conscious effort to say, ‘I see God on people; they are created in the image of God. I am not going to despise the image of God, no matter what the situation is.’ And in doing that, you will see that when your gift comes to you, you will treat your gift the way God wants you to treat it.

God bless you.