TRUST (Part 2)

Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Text: Psalms 125:1 (MSG)

From the above Bible text, we can see an illustration that God is consistent in His character in all situations. It is difficult and almost impossible for a marriage to grow and be successful without trust.

Answer this question???

Trust is a risk so much that you become vulnerable when you trust someone. A man that has not met God will be difficult to trust. Ordinarily, it is difficult to trust any man. When you are looking for someone to trust and marry, look for someone who has put His heart in God’s hands. You can trust someone who is spiritually minded; someone who is fulfilling the qualities of love which are written in 1 Corinthians 13. But never trust someone who is carnally minded; someone whose thoughts always center on carnality.

Relationship starts from the internal and not from the external. Don’t work from outside-in as most people always want to do. There are some people you think you know but in reality you don’t know them. So, you need God to reveal their inner minds to you in order to know them. The heart of man is very important when it comes to the issue of trust. Therefore during courtship, evaluate, discover and find out if his or her mind is stayed on God.

Someone who wants to please you at the expense of pleasing God cannot be trusted.

Another definition of trust is, it is firm reliance on the integrity, ability or character of a person or thing. You need to discover if the person has the capacity to be trusted and fulfill the marriage vow before you go to the altar.

Therefore, courtship is a period to discover his or her capacity for trustworthiness with the Holy Spirit being your partner. There are some things that your senses, intellect or emotions will miss. Such, your spirit should never miss.

When you say you trust someone, it implies you rely on the ability of the person to stand by his or her words. Trust doesn’t come with the commitment of relationship. It has to be built, strengthened and maintained daily by constant actions. You need to be consistent in your characters and integrity.

It takes time for trust to be built and it takes a long time to build it; while it takes just a short time to destroy it.

HOW DO WE DEVELOP TRUST

Galatians 5:6

Put your trust in God first...

1.       HAVE FAITH IN GOD: - We believe in God simply because we trust Him. The reason we trust Him is because we know He can never fail. And the reason we know He can never fail us is because He loves us. So, faith is as a result of love. Little children trust their parents explicitly because they know they love them. Just as faith works by love, trust also works by love. Without the love for God in your heart, Satan has in-route into your heart. This kind of love is God’s unconditional love. This kind of love develops trust. The person you show this kind of love (with the qualities in 1 Corinthians 13) will trust you. Note that, your partner will feel accepted and not rejected when you show this kind of love to him or her.

2.       COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY: - If you love someone, when you are together and you feel sexually aroused, you should express yourself and once you share your feelings; your partner will feel accepted and not rejected.

Communication helps trust. You should be able to communicate effectively when your actions change. Before you get marriage, trust should be established that is while you need time. If you give trust to someone who doesn’t deserve, you give him or her license to destroy you. If you want to get married, make sure you totally trust your partner.

When it comes to trust it has to be total. Just as total faith is required to receive anything from God; total trust is needed for a successful relationship.

When your trust is not total in a relationship you are double-minded. When you are double-minded you are wavering; when you are wavering you will not be able to get certain things you are supposed to acquire in the relationship.

You may be deceived if you trust too much; but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. If you don’t trust enough your love is not total and fear will set in and then result to torment and severe agony. The devil introduces fear once you don’t trust enough.

When you fail to totally trust your partner fear sets in. Once fear sets in, it leads to doubt and eventual accusation.

Trust is a responsibility. When you say you trust God, it means you put a responsibility on God that He is will do all He has said. Likewise, when someone trusts you, it is a responsibility that you will be faithful in your commitments to him or her. The vows you made on your wedding day, the promises you made to your husband or wife, the trust your children had in you in providing for their different needs are all examples of the responsibilities trust suggest to us.

Trust grows in an environment of love. When there is total trust there is safety and security. Psalms 62:8. When you trust there is fulfillment. Proverbs 31:10-27. Trust ensures that one is not hindered in a relationship and ensures that you fulfill your full potentials as no one is intimidated or suspicious. If you want fulfillment ensure there is trust in your relationship.

RESULTS OF LACK OF TRUST

1.       FEAR

2.       DOUBT

3.       ACCUSATION

4.       ANXIETY

5.       SUSPICION - You will be unnecessarily spying on your spouse. The attention and love will be viewed with suspicion. Everything he or she does will have a sense of strings attached.

6.       DESTRUCTIVE ARGUMENT – Since you are always arguing, little time will be spent in building the relationship.

7.       LOW SELF-ESTEEM - It diminishes people’s self-esteem. For someone who has been betrayed before, ordinarily, your defense is always high up. And probably as you go around not trusting people and if a good partner comes your way you may lose him or her.

Consider that the case of Jesus Christ, though He was betrayed by Judas Iscariot, He did not use him to judge and define the whole of humanity or stop from fulfilling His purpose. But rather empower the Church. Sometimes, you need to forgive, heal and move on in life. There are good and godly people that can be trusted.

In developing trust you must do the following:

1.       You must trust yourself. Work on yourself first. Proverbs 22:18. Don’t go out looking firstly for someone to trust. Rather, first of all consider if you can be trusted by someone else. Before you look for a good thing, ask yourself if you are a good thing. Before you point accusing fingers to someone, ask yourself if you can be trusted.

2.       Trust is earned and as you grow daily in it. Ensure you are always sincere and truthful. Don’t lie either deliberately or by omission.

3.       Do things daily to reinforce your trust in someone. Do not be excessive in your actions or attitudes towards someone.

4.       Always work on your communication skill to ensure effectiveness. Don’t give out intentions or say what you don’t mean. Always talk about your feelings every time. An abusive relationship is the one where you cannot talk about how you feel at any time. You must be able to talk and talk and bring how you feel about everything. Trustworthy people talk about everything.

5.       Avoid keeping secrets that is having emotional tone on you. To keep secret demands a lot of energy. Sin thrives in secrecy. If there is no love that will ensure trust is generated and developed in a relationship, there will be no protection of the lives involved.

6.       Don’t try to meet someone else’ needs in order to meet yours. Openly communicate to know what his or her needs are.

7.       Also, praying together will help develop trust. Though sex bond couples; but couples that pray more together talk much more and enjoy one another more. They also enjoy sex more. You need to ensure you always pray together.

8.       Make sure you resolve issues quickly. Don’t go to sleep on the same bed without resolving issues. Some people deny their spouses having sex or eating in the house because they are angry or they were wronged. Then, fear, doubt, accusation and insecurity set in. When there are issues, sit down and solve them otherwise the devil will build on them.

9.       Keep trusting in God so that you will not keep relying on suspicion. When you start to talk to God, He will start to reveal you certain things about Him. Keep the channel open to God. Don’t be anxious.

Karl S. Elvry says, “Trust enables you to put your deepest feelings and cares in the palms of your partner‘s hands knowing they will be handled with care.” Ensure that he or she is in God’s hands and that his or her heart is committed to God. Then you can commit your heart to him or her. God is the beginning and end of trust. A man or woman that has committed his heart to God can be trusted.

May the Lord help you.

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