YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED AND IT'S SEEMS NOT TO BE HAPPENING: HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN (PART B)

By Pastor Kunle Osunkunle


INTRODUCTION

That you have not gotten married as much as you desire it is not because God is punishing you for your past – what you have done or what you haven’t done. Jesus Christ has paid for your past failures and mistakes; so, God doesn’t remember them any longer as long as you are in Christ Jesus.
Here are certain things you need to do in order to make your marriage happen:

         1.     Step into the supernatural.  God wants to re-brand your life; so, don’t live in regret. The wife or husband you get in the supernatural is the best you can ever have and things will fall in place for you.
         2.     Discover your true identity in Christ Jesus. Don’t fall into the “God says” syndrome and don’t let anyone deceive you by making you feel less spiritual.

INTEGRITY AND HONESTY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Genesis 2:25

HONESTY

At the beginning, everything was clear as day and clearly open between the first man, Adam and his wife, Eve. Though, they both saw each other’s nakedness, shame, humiliation and embarrassment, yet were not ashamed.

Today, some people are embarrassed about their partners because of the pieces of information they have gotten about them. If you will have a fruitful relationship, there should not be any secret or lies. You must be open at all times. For your relationship to be fruitful, you must pursue truth.

God was the Center of the first man and woman’s relationship, and He covered them with His glory. So, they had no shame and saw each other’s secret.

The reason people lie about their true status or full status is simply because they want to gain advantage and put their partners in the dark. So, a lady who has had past abortion will not want to disclose it to her partner. You should be honest and truthful because something challenging may be waiting for you in the future which will then be as a result of the fear of being jilted. It is easier to reveal secrets that won’t hurt or that will benefit you than otherwise. Both parties must be committed to truth and the Lord Jesus Christ, because He is the Truth. John 8:32.

Honesty is the foundation of any meaningful relationship. It is being truthful, sincere and far away from deceit. Integrity is being whole and indivisible. Some people are so different in different seasons and situations. So, you need to see them in these different seasons and situations before you decide on love as to marriage.

When there is honesty in a relationship, it will be easy for you to trust each other. When someone is committed to truth, you can trust him or her.

When you are in a relationship, you need to ask yourself if you can stand-in for your partner or not? Else, if you marry, you will regret ever doing so.

Truth is conformity to fact and reality. When you are honest to each other, you will be able trust each other and know the whole truth about each other. Trust is firm believe in someone or something.

Honesty is something you do on a consistent basis. Where there is trust, there is growth. Relationship cannot grow in situations where there are suspicions. Both of you must be committed to telling each other the truth at all times. You must be honest in your speech and actions. Avoid systematic or deliberate avoidance of truth. You simply weave a tangled web when you practice deceit. Telling lies is stressful, because you need to always remember what you said last. You always want to cover lies and become inconsistent.

HONESTY

Therefore, when you are in a relationship, don’t compromise the virtue of honesty. Avoid emotional deceit too. You can always consider someone for a relationship if he or she is first of all true to himself or herself, then also true to you.

Honesty is a reflection of good character. Someone who is not honest does not have good characters. When you rehearse and meditate on God’s word and allow it to live inside you, it will be quickly generated and be your response when lies come to you in order to sieve them out.

When you are in a relationship, it is about the pursuit of truth in all aspects of life, so as to know if you are compatible or not and if you can walk together.

For others to be truthful to you, you have to first be truthful to yourself; and to be truthful to yourself, you need to first discover yourself. People compromise their values because of untruthfulness to self. Tell yourself the truth always. Ask yourself what you want and why you want what you want. You should know your motives. If your motives are wrong your actions will always be wrong. Your actions will always be coloured by your motives.

When you live in dishonesty because you don’t tell yourself the truth, you become enslaved and get into captivity and live a stressful life. It is only in an atmosphere of freedom that you can experience growth.

Some people start to conform to their partners’ demands in order to please their spouses even in a relationship and therefore stop being themselves.

When a relationship breaks, what is painful is whether you have lost your identity or can you regain who you are. If all you are doing in a relationship is to stop being yourself, please your partner and try to become someone else; it becomes a syndrome of unworthiness, that is, inferiority complex.

If there is something you cannot continue in marriage, don’t start it in a relationship. Don’t start what you cannot continue in marriage when you are in a courtship. When you are not true and honest with yourself, you compromise your standards. Ephesians 4:25 (NLT).

HONESTY

Without integrity and honesty in a relationship, the relationship will disintegrate. True intimacy is only possible when there is truth and honesty. Intimacy is about gradual relationship built on truth. You feel more pains when you break up a relationship not because you break up, but because you fail to tell yourself truth about yourself and had avoided certain truths about your partner. You keep quite because you are afraid of hurting him or her, because truth is bitter and really hurts. But lies hurt more.

You must always give people opportunity to ask questions and express themselves in order to be honest and tell you the truth always. Sin will thrive in secrecy, so always allow your spouse to express himself or herself.

Relationship is about the pursuit of truth. Truth about the past, present and future. Where there is no truth, there can be no honesty. And where there is no honesty, there can be no integrity which is a foundation of good relationship.

Truth is synonymous to light. When truth is revealed, you should pause and find out if you can go on or not. Don’t struggle with it. When you struggle, you build on lies. Constant communication is crucial to the discovery of truth in a relationship. If you have not discussed it, you are not in a relationship.

Proverbs 11:20 (MSG); Proverbs 14:2.

God cannot stand deceivers. An honest life is a respect before God and people will always see you in the light of God. When you hide truth, you don’t just hurt your partner; but you hurt yourself as well and deprive yourself many good things. If you hide the truth, you deprive yourself the opportunity of meeting your needs in a relationship.

When you don’t give people opportunity to ask questions, you give them opportunity to crack their brain on philosophies on how to reason out things. Save them all of these and answer their questions.

WHAT HONESTY DOES IN A RELATIONSHIP?

  1.  Honesty ensures time is not wasted in a relationship and you don’t have a heart break.

  2.  It keeps you from stress (stress-free) because you are not using your time scheming.

  3.  It builds trust and focus in a relationship.

Marriage is stressful enough, therefore, apply wisdom in deciding so as not to add more stress.

Don’t tell a woman “I love you” if you don’t mean it. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you.

CHARACTER (Part 1)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(The President of Singles' Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Sometimes, the reason why you don’t move ahead or possess some things in life may be due to the kind of characters you have. Every man desires to bear glory. But glory has a weight and when you have character, you will have a way of bearing the load of glory. Many marriages have failed because of poor or bad characters.

Some of the good and godly characters

Character is like a foundation; therefore, it is good to start to build good and godly character early enough in life.

Some of us need to learn patience, sincerity, honesty, self-caution, respect, etc. Some people have lost opportunities because at some point in their lives, they lack good characters and had refused to build on it.

Character is like an aroma or perfume that either attracts or repels people.

Your reputation will always precede you because you are constantly being watched by people around you. Character contributes to beauty and fortifies a woman as her youth fades. Good characters can make a great deal as to make a woman more beauty as well as a man more handsome.

Character is personal; it impacts and affects people around you. Nobody gets you angered, you simply decide to use anger as a response to their communication with you. Love is a true test of character. If you don’t love people, you will have poor character. It is a foundation to success in life.

Research has shown that positive attitudes reflect in cheerful smiles, boost immune system and improve on or ensure good health.

People with bad characters are usually selfish. Many people concentrate and take time to shop, beautify and celebrate their outward appearance/outlook (fruits) while they neglect the seeds and the characters on the inward man.

Take time to build good characters and celebrate your seeds that are on the inside of you.

2Peter 1:4-10 (The Message)

When opportunities comes to you and the right partner comes to you too, if you don’t have the right and good characters, and they are not growing in you; you will lose them and become short-sighted in the long run.

If you can build faith, self-control, perseverance, virtue (high moral standards with no compromise), love and knowledge of God’s words, then you can build godly characters. Self-control is the ability to hold oneself in most difficult situations.

Whatever you compromise to get, you will lose it without any effort.

The purpose of Christianity is not to just encounter difficulties, but to produce characters adequate enough to meet the needs even in difficult times.

Christianity doesn’t make us hidden as to avoid crises or troubles, it makes us great enough to live and overcome daily.

There are some things you can’t get until you build godly characters.

Colossians 3:12-17 (The Message)

Character is needed if you want to reach your full potentials in life. It is a stable and distinctive attitudes that has been coded to respond to situations. It is what you do on the reflex or default (when you don’t have to think about it).

HOW TO DEVELOP GOOD AND GODLY CHARACTERS

Mark 7:21-23 (The Message)

What is in your heart forms your character. Your environment, media, books, etc are what form our characters.

1.    Study the Word of God and acquire divine instructions:  You need to be instructed of the Lord through His Words and be always totally obedient to His instructions. Exposure to God’s words build good and godly characters in us. When you get into God’s Word, you will learn more of God’s characters. When you wear God like a perfume, no man can reject you because no man can reject Jesus. Anything you look at the longest is what you will become. Look more on the word of God, the word of liberty, the you will always respond to situations based on God’s Words.

2.   Commitment to God:  Good and godly characters are only formed when you are committed to God. God must take first place in your life and all endeavours. Proverbs 11:5-6; 2Corinthians 5:20. Our attitude should always be as God’s Ambassadors. Don’t marry someone who is not first committed to God, else such can be committed to someone else in the long ways. Good character is the best form of insurance in life.

Characters determine how you will respond to situations all times.

We need to understand that we are citizen of Heaven and start to behave like God. Always pause and ask yourself “What will Jesus do?”

If you want to change your character, it is not about subtracting or taking away something, but adding to your life.

Perseverance:  This is suffering without becoming upset. To continue in an action in spite of failure or little success and discouragement.

2 Corinthians 3:18; John 17: (The Message).

Building character gives us strength and wisdom to face and overcome challenges. Begin to build character strength today.

May the Lord help you as you decide on this.