INTEGRITY AND HONESTY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Genesis 2:25

HONESTY

At the beginning, everything was clear as day and clearly open between the first man, Adam and his wife, Eve. Though, they both saw each other’s nakedness, shame, humiliation and embarrassment, yet were not ashamed.

Today, some people are embarrassed about their partners because of the pieces of information they have gotten about them. If you will have a fruitful relationship, there should not be any secret or lies. You must be open at all times. For your relationship to be fruitful, you must pursue truth.

God was the Center of the first man and woman’s relationship, and He covered them with His glory. So, they had no shame and saw each other’s secret.

The reason people lie about their true status or full status is simply because they want to gain advantage and put their partners in the dark. So, a lady who has had past abortion will not want to disclose it to her partner. You should be honest and truthful because something challenging may be waiting for you in the future which will then be as a result of the fear of being jilted. It is easier to reveal secrets that won’t hurt or that will benefit you than otherwise. Both parties must be committed to truth and the Lord Jesus Christ, because He is the Truth. John 8:32.

Honesty is the foundation of any meaningful relationship. It is being truthful, sincere and far away from deceit. Integrity is being whole and indivisible. Some people are so different in different seasons and situations. So, you need to see them in these different seasons and situations before you decide on love as to marriage.

When there is honesty in a relationship, it will be easy for you to trust each other. When someone is committed to truth, you can trust him or her.

When you are in a relationship, you need to ask yourself if you can stand-in for your partner or not? Else, if you marry, you will regret ever doing so.

Truth is conformity to fact and reality. When you are honest to each other, you will be able trust each other and know the whole truth about each other. Trust is firm believe in someone or something.

Honesty is something you do on a consistent basis. Where there is trust, there is growth. Relationship cannot grow in situations where there are suspicions. Both of you must be committed to telling each other the truth at all times. You must be honest in your speech and actions. Avoid systematic or deliberate avoidance of truth. You simply weave a tangled web when you practice deceit. Telling lies is stressful, because you need to always remember what you said last. You always want to cover lies and become inconsistent.

HONESTY

Therefore, when you are in a relationship, don’t compromise the virtue of honesty. Avoid emotional deceit too. You can always consider someone for a relationship if he or she is first of all true to himself or herself, then also true to you.

Honesty is a reflection of good character. Someone who is not honest does not have good characters. When you rehearse and meditate on God’s word and allow it to live inside you, it will be quickly generated and be your response when lies come to you in order to sieve them out.

When you are in a relationship, it is about the pursuit of truth in all aspects of life, so as to know if you are compatible or not and if you can walk together.

For others to be truthful to you, you have to first be truthful to yourself; and to be truthful to yourself, you need to first discover yourself. People compromise their values because of untruthfulness to self. Tell yourself the truth always. Ask yourself what you want and why you want what you want. You should know your motives. If your motives are wrong your actions will always be wrong. Your actions will always be coloured by your motives.

When you live in dishonesty because you don’t tell yourself the truth, you become enslaved and get into captivity and live a stressful life. It is only in an atmosphere of freedom that you can experience growth.

Some people start to conform to their partners’ demands in order to please their spouses even in a relationship and therefore stop being themselves.

When a relationship breaks, what is painful is whether you have lost your identity or can you regain who you are. If all you are doing in a relationship is to stop being yourself, please your partner and try to become someone else; it becomes a syndrome of unworthiness, that is, inferiority complex.

If there is something you cannot continue in marriage, don’t start it in a relationship. Don’t start what you cannot continue in marriage when you are in a courtship. When you are not true and honest with yourself, you compromise your standards. Ephesians 4:25 (NLT).

HONESTY

Without integrity and honesty in a relationship, the relationship will disintegrate. True intimacy is only possible when there is truth and honesty. Intimacy is about gradual relationship built on truth. You feel more pains when you break up a relationship not because you break up, but because you fail to tell yourself truth about yourself and had avoided certain truths about your partner. You keep quite because you are afraid of hurting him or her, because truth is bitter and really hurts. But lies hurt more.

You must always give people opportunity to ask questions and express themselves in order to be honest and tell you the truth always. Sin will thrive in secrecy, so always allow your spouse to express himself or herself.

Relationship is about the pursuit of truth. Truth about the past, present and future. Where there is no truth, there can be no honesty. And where there is no honesty, there can be no integrity which is a foundation of good relationship.

Truth is synonymous to light. When truth is revealed, you should pause and find out if you can go on or not. Don’t struggle with it. When you struggle, you build on lies. Constant communication is crucial to the discovery of truth in a relationship. If you have not discussed it, you are not in a relationship.

Proverbs 11:20 (MSG); Proverbs 14:2.

God cannot stand deceivers. An honest life is a respect before God and people will always see you in the light of God. When you hide truth, you don’t just hurt your partner; but you hurt yourself as well and deprive yourself many good things. If you hide the truth, you deprive yourself the opportunity of meeting your needs in a relationship.

When you don’t give people opportunity to ask questions, you give them opportunity to crack their brain on philosophies on how to reason out things. Save them all of these and answer their questions.

WHAT HONESTY DOES IN A RELATIONSHIP?

  1.  Honesty ensures time is not wasted in a relationship and you don’t have a heart break.

  2.  It keeps you from stress (stress-free) because you are not using your time scheming.

  3.  It builds trust and focus in a relationship.

Marriage is stressful enough, therefore, apply wisdom in deciding so as not to add more stress.

Don’t tell a woman “I love you” if you don’t mean it. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you.

A TALK SHOW tagged “Where is my Prince Charming?”

Moderator: Pastor Kunle Osunkunle (President, Single and Married Fellowship)

Discussant: Pastor Segun Williams, Pastor Mrs. Mary, Sister Bolaji and Bro. Akinyemi Bolaji.

Every Single man and woman always looks forward to getting into relationship and getting married. Therefore, immense pressure begins to set in within and without. Pressure from parents, siblings, peers, friends, colleagues and community where you live. You then begin to look up to when your Prince Charming or Cinderella will show up and start a relationship.

Waiting now becomes a germane issue. If you ask someone in such a situation, the usual response is “I’m waiting.” Perhaps, each time you attend a wedding occasion, you are told that you are the next groom or bride.

In fact, your parents, friends, siblings, and peers will give you disgusting suggestions and ideas or pieces of irritating advice.

The questions here are “How do you wait for the right man or woman?” “What are you supposed to do while waiting?”

This discussion attempts to answer these critical questions.

Many Single people live as if Single life is a time for mourning. You need to enjoy your Single life while waiting on God for the right and best suitor.

One important thing you should do is to watch your wrong attitudes that are liable to push away good people from your life. You can change with the help of the Holy Spirit.

QUESTION 1: “What can I do to be date-able and how can I attract my Prince charming?”

SPEAKER 1:  Pastor Mary explained using her personal experiences. She got married at 42 years old.

It is true that intense pressure will come to the extent that you will almost forget to celebrate your birth date. This perhaps could begin from your family members who will stand to suggest things to you as if to add to God in your life. But the question remains, “Are you waiting on the Lord or you are waiting just for the brother or sister to come?” You have got to be focused. This was what she did that helped her. She knew that her attitudes had to change. You need to do this so that when he or she comes, he or she will be able to see who you really are.

SPEAKER 2:  Brother Bolaji Akinyemi emphasized that there is a phase in life that we should get married. More so, you should have an idea of what you want because several things will come your way at this phase of your life.

SPEAKER 3:  Sister Bolaji added that she is now quite over 30 years and her family concluded that she should go and get pregnant with probably a widower or even a married man; but she should ensure that the man’s wife does not know. God later assured her that He will grant her a godly man as her husband. If He could provide her a car and an apartment when she needed them, why would she think that God will not get her a husband?

SPEAKER 4:  Brother Segun Williams put it like this. At this time, you will receive pieces of advice because of the misconception people have about marriage. Some think the reason to marry is because their parents are disturbing them then they should marry or simply because age is catching up with them. Why do some people get married early while some marry late? In fact, some people don’t help the situation as they prolong the single phase through their attitudes. Just like the Israelites who stayed in the land of captivity for 430 years instead of 400 years and also wandered in the wilderness for 40 years instead of 40 days and 40 nights. Instead of waiting, some people get engaged in murmuring and complaining. Enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going.

In addition to these, it is important to note that our individual divine assignments differ; as a result, individual waiting period differs as well as the preparation period. You should stop been desperate and discover who you are. Discover yourself and make yourself a good man or woman; so that the good man or woman comes, he or she will find you prepared and as a good thing to desire. Ensure that you stay around people that will encourage you in the time of waiting.

It is a challenge to live as a Christian, because you cannot do things any how just like the unbelievers. Ensure you listen to God and not people, and you must begin to think with your mind and allow God to speak you.

QUESTION 2:  “Am in a relationship where my partner doesn’t want me to complain. If I complain, he says that I am nagging, what should I do?

SPEAKER 1:  You need to call for a meeting where both of you will sit down to discuss on it. Talk about it and if he is not willing for you to voice out, you may be in a wrong relationship. Then, it is best to call it a quit. A man that will not hear the opinion of his partner will not make a good husband and vice versa.

SPEAKER 2: You need to discover how to communicate with him; by then, if he is still not going to hear your opinion, there is a serious fundamental problem. A woman should not nag, but if she does, it simply implies that she is saying something he is not listening to.

Women are born naturally to be talkers. Therefore, men should learn to be good listener and be patient enough so as to understand them and be good communicators. Consequently, women should learn to be considerate when discussing and understand men’s creation as well.

More so, men should help the women on how to present issues as such that will not offend their creation. You need to be mindful of the time to present your issues to your partner as well.

Summary:

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW AND DO WHILE WAITING

1. You need to be very fervent in prayers. First of all, you need to know that you are to wait on God not on a man or woman as you look forward to starting a relationship and marriage. As you wait on God, don’t be afraid or doubtful.
2. Change your attitude.
3. Be focused on God and not on the intended Prince Charming or Cinderella. Trust alone in God.
4. Avoid being desperate. A decision taken in desperation will cause you to act desperately and desperate actions are always bitter and regretful actions.
5. Develop friendship. God will bring a lot of people around you; make sure you build right friendship with people since you cannot marry an enemy but a friend.
6. You need to develop high sensitivity in the spirit through the help of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, you need to build a strong and intimate relationship first with God. You can only find a good and godly, virtuous woman (wife) by the help and favor of God. Proverbs 18:22.
7. Serve God. The fact that you need favor as to find a desirable wife or husband should make you serve God. But it has to be a deliberate act.
8. Speak to God always about your need. If you can ask God for food, shelter, money, job, clothing and other material possessions because you believe He can provide them; you should believe as well that He is able to give you a wife or husband. He will grant you favor. Matthew 7:7-11.
9. Discover the reason why you need to get married. You need to answer the question on why you want to get married. Different people get married for different reasons; you cannot afford to get married for the wrong reasons.
10.  Get a vision for marriage. You need to have a vision for your desired marriage and have plans. This is part of the indispensable preparations you need to do before you get into a relationship and get married.
11.  Build and develop yourself into a good and desirable man or woman. A good man or woman will attract a good woman or man respectively. Then, people can desire you and become inestimable like an expensive jewel.
12.  Get busy. Waiting period is not a time for idleness as to play around or be engaged with worthless activities that can jeopardize your visions and dreams. Add eventfully to your life.
13.  Get to know. It is also a time to learn all necessary things and get useful information you need; especially about your opposite sex, knowledge about yourself and your intended partner.

To be continued…watch out for the next post!

Join us @ Single and Married Fellowship at The Fountain of Life Church, Ilupeju, Lagos State, Nigeria every Monday by 6:00pm prompt.