MARRIAGE: ENDURANCE OR ENJOYMENT (Part 1)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

Jeremiah 29:11; 1Timothy 6:17.

Marriage

Many people want to have a good and successful marriage, but not everyone is ready to work for it; except to indulge in fantasies. Many know the kind of good benefits and effects they want in their marriages, but they are not ready to give the necessary efforts. Not everyone is willing to pay the prize.

Hebrews 13:4 (AMPLIFIED)

Marriage is to be held precious as a great prize or gift. Marriage is not cheap; it will cost you something if you want to have an enjoyable marriage.

To enjoy means to experience joy and have satisfaction, while to endure means to bear with patience and to tolerate. Endurance means to choose to intentionally tolerate what you don’t like.

You need to know that fighting and quarreling always make you see the ugly side of a person. Avoid it in your relationship and marriage.

Many people base their marriage on superficial things. They think it is all about beauty, physical look and money. Yes, she is pretty now, but will she still be pretty after few years of marriage when she has delivered babies.

Matthew 19:1-6.

Marriage is based on two people who are deeply and irrevocably committed to one another. The basis of marriage is commitment – true irrevocable commitment. “Becoming one” is not what happens in just a day; it is a process and the process is not easy. Just like in manufacturing a product there is a process that should be taken. If anything happens in the processing stage at any point, it usually results to a defected product. The same apply to marriage. Any fault in the processing of marriage results in divorce, shame, pain and heart-ache. That is, why there are so many defected marriages and homes today is because many couples had problems in the processing periods of their marriage (friendship, dating and courtship processes).

These processes will require adjustment on the part of both partners, because some things will never change. So, you necessarily have to adjust and change since both of you are from different backgrounds and have had different life experiences. There are so many things you are used to, so you need to adjust and come to a reasonable compromise in order to achieve your purpose and mutual intentions or set goals.

IMPORTANT DEFINITIONS OF MARRIAGE

      1.      Marriage is a holy covenant: It is very disgusting to see how people easily divorce.

      2.      Marriage is conditioned on an irrevocable promise: That is, there is no turning back.

      3.      Marriage involves a walk with an imperfect person: This is why it requires a lot of patience (endurance)    and reasonable compromises. You need to submit to the authority of the Holy Spirit in order to teach you what to do so as to walk with the imperfect person.

      4.      Marriage is for a lifetime: It is till death to the parting.

      5.      Marriage is to glorify God: We are created for God’s pleasure. People should see your marriage in this light as an example. When people have problems in marriage, it reveals the position they have put God.

1 Samuel 2:30b.

Every time your marriage honours God, God will honour you. You need to realize that marriage is hardwork. For anyone to enjoy marriage, you need to first of all endure. You need to be matured in your reasoning and thoughts.

There is no testing period in marriage; so, you need to be sure before you get married. Never marry someone because you look up to him/her for happiness. If you are not happy before marriage, you may not be happy in it. If you are not enjoying yourself before marriage, you may not enjoy yourself in it.

It is not every time you will love your partner or that he/she will make you happy. What will keep you there is commitment. The objective of marriage is oneness and this involves real deep commitment.

Commitment usually requires endurance, focus and extra works. There are things you need to endure from your partner in order to enjoy him/her later. Endurance is not a bad thing as long as it yields positive and desirable results.

Hebrews 6:15.

The order of your commitment should first be to God, then your partner. Let God be the centre of your relationship.

Hebrews 12:1-2.

You need to run your marriage with endurance and enough patience. When you are committed to God, you will be committed to your partner. Sometimes, you have to despise shame, overlook wrongs and endure in order to enjoy your relationship. Learn to be quiet and patient. Usually, one of the parties has to take the initiative to accept wrongs for peace to reign.

Thomas H. Hearth said, “Growth in marriage takes place through a number of death and resurrection. If there is no growth in it, it is because what need to die has not died or has resurrected.”

Jesus Christ did not go to the cross because of His feelings for mankind, but because of He is committed to His eternal love for us. He did the will of God the Father. Likewise, everything you do in marriage should be as to do the will of God.

If you don’t submit to the leading of the Holy Spirit, you are bound to always say something negative when you are crushed. The Holy Spirit is there for us to produce endurance in our lives from God’s love. If your love can’t endure, you can’t enjoy. However, endurance should not last a lifetime otherwise, enjoyment will be scarce. Prolonged endurance will take away enjoyment (that is, denial of enjoyment). Endurance is to produce fruits of enjoyment.

In order to have a shortened endurance and a prolonged enjoyment, you need to take your partner to God in prayers.

Make sure you marry someone who is teachable, patient, humble and changeable. If he/she is not all that, be prepared for a lifetime of endurance.

God bless you.

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIP PART 2: (HOW FINANCES AFFECT MARITAL RELATIONSHIP)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Scripture Text: Matthew 19:1-6

    In the world we live in today, the percentage of divorce has risen tremendously in the last couple of years and it is not only limited to people outside the church, even members of the Body of Christ are caught in this web. In fact, there is a statistics that says that 50 percent of people who get married even in church are getting a divorce. Christians are supposed to be custodian of marriage as the Lord intended.

Over history, it has been discovered that MONEY is one of the major reasons why couples get divorced and why a marriage doesn’t work. But in general term, there are three major reasons, namely: SEX, MONEY and COMMUNICATION.

    When the Pharisees came to Jesus, they wanted to trap Him with this question: “Can a man be allowed to divorce his wife for any reason?” Jesus says nothing should result to divorce in marriage, let nothing put you and your partner asunder; including money. That is, once you get married to somebody, you become one with that person. Whatever belongs to you belongs to me. Your assets are my assets; my liabilities are your liabilities. That’s why it is very important that before you get married to someone, you ensure that they have the right assets and they don’t have the kind of liabilities that will take you out of that marriage or bring you down. Somebody will say ‘what kind of liabilities can bring someone down?’ Imagine you are getting married to somebody who has very huge sums of debt, and there is no realistic way or no plan with which he/she is going to pay it off. Whatever belongs to you belongs to me. We share everything together. It is not, ‘this is my money and that is your money’ we have decided to get married, everything becomes our own – mine and yours become ours and I and you become we. If you do not change that mentality before you get married, it going to have a lot of negative impact in your marriage. That is where trust becomes very important and critical.

    In Genesis 2:24, “nakedness” implies openness between the two partners. Where there is no trust, the issues of money will definitely cause problems. So, trust is a valuable asset in every relationship. It is the foundation for a happy and successful relationship. In a successful relationship, you don’t need 99.9% trust, you need 100 % trust. Because a 0.1 level of distrust can bring down your relationship. Trust provides comfort and it is the basis for a relationship.

    It is because of this trust that when couples are buying houses these days; in the past people bought houses in the name of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, now it is Mr. Shola and Mrs. Debola Smith because they tell you anybody can be Mrs. Smith. So, she says to him you have to put my real name. You cannot blame her for insisting in some of these things. She knows that you perhaps come from a very dysfunctional home, that if something happens to you tomorrow, your family will move in. Have you done anything to give her comfort? Does she have sufficient stake in your life? Is she very confident that if something happens to you, nobody will come and challenge her on the property that both of you purchased?

    Therefore, we need to realize that, money is important in a relationship, but money itself does not bring happiness. Money in itself is neutral. But your marriage can be enhanced by money. The Bible says that ‘Money is a defense as wisdom is also a defense. Money gives you some level of safety. Real satisfaction is not found in money. It is not money that really makes you happy, it is not money that gives you security, it is the things that money can do for you. It is the patience, the good work, the godliness, the love, the endurance, the gentleness, the way you treat your spouse and your commitment that money enhances are what give you satisfaction and happiness in a relationship. We need to know that in life, money is a support system. It does not make us happy, but it is what it can give us and do for us. There are people who live in big houses and yet are not happy; while some live in small houses and are happy. Though, there are people who live in big houses that are happy.

WHAT MONEY DOES FOR YOU?

    Money helps to meet certain basic and legitimate needs and not necessarily wants of life, among these are:

1. It determines the kind of school your children will go.
2. It determines the kind of hospitals you can go.
3. It determines the kind of clothes you can wear.
4. It determines the type of places you can reside and homes you can dwell.
5. It helps you with wisdom to manage your time and have no stress.
6. It helps in fulfillment of certain goals, values, dreams and aspirations.

    Money helps you to do these things. Therefore your attitude to this money is what is important. You need to pray earnestly for God to continue to provide for you and to move you up on a consistent basis.

The Bible says is 1 Tim 6:10. “The love of money is the root of all evil” It is not money that is evil itself. Money is neutral. The love of money is the root of all evil, so it is your attitude to money that is important. And before you get married to anybody, you must understand their attitude to money.

    You need to come to a point where you realize that God is my Source; you need to absolutely trust God to supply all my need according to His riches in glory.

FINANCIAL PLANNING

    Both of you need to plan on how you will make sufficient money as well as spend it. For instance, my wife and I are both from a savings culture. Remember there are two kinds of people when it comes to issue of money – the saver and the spender. You need to know before you get married if he/she is also a spender or a saver. Therefore, when we got married, we were just saving and saving. The balance is this; there are some things you can spend on. You are not going to be frivolous about it. There are certain things you need to spend on that will improve your relationship and when you have money, you will be able to afford them.

There are so many people who are not financially responsible because they have addictions; addiction to gambling, materialism (fashion), social occasion, gaming, recreation and so on.

    In addition to this, you should know the kind of impact the expenses of the family of your partner will have on you. You shouldn’t just discard it that he/she is helping his/her brother or sister. Can you be sure that you will be committed to it? Not that when he/she says that ‘my brother’s school fees is here again’ you begin to grumbler or he/she says ‘I need to send money to my parent’ and you also begin to grumble. All these things need to be talked about before you get married. You also need to plan and understand the things you can afford and the ones you can’t afford.

    You need to also ask yourself this question: Can I survive on our income? I was discussing with someone recently, you want to get married, brother, how much do you earn? ‘I earn 250 thousand naira a month’ Madam how much do you earn? ‘I earn N150 Thousand a month’ That is N400 Thousand a month. Can we survive on this? That is N4.8 Million a year. Can we get a house out of this? When we bring a child into the world, are we bringing him to suffer or we can provide for these children? You need to plan and ensure how you can survive on your income.

    You can’t live on love, you need money to survive. When you wake up in the morning, is it love you will eat? Is it love that will send the children to school? Is it love that you will drive? These things are so important and highly essential. Therefore, before and after you get married, there must be effective communication. You need to be communicating continuously about money issues. You need to understand whether your partner is willing to share information about financial issues or not? You don’t know how much she earns, she doesn’t know how much you earn, if I tell him now, or if I tell her now, she will say we should spend more. No! trust is the foundation of any relationship.

    Listen to this, A survey by the non-profit CESI debt solutions reveal that 80% of spouses spend money their partners don’t know about, and more than two-thirds of the respondence have had a relationship affected by financial dishonesty. Another study commissioned by the National Endowment for Financial Education and Forbes Women, discovered that 3 in 10 Americans agreed to financial deception with their partners. Of those, nearly 60% had hidden cash, more than 50% had hidden purchases, an additional 30% had hidden statement of bills and 34% said they lied about their financial debt or money earned.

    Women are victimized more often than men. According to the NEFE study, 65% of women said their partners had lied to them about finances or debts compared with 47% of men. Among those who were deceived, more that 40% said it damaged trust in their relationship and for 16% it resulted in divorce. So we need to be open about these things.

    Another important issue is this; when you get married and one party is working while the other party is not working, or you say, ’My wife will not work’ (usually I don’t subscribe to it) but if you are in that position, where your wife says she’s not going to work or you do not want your wife to work, you must provide for her sufficiently, she must have so much trust in you that she is not going to suffer for anything. She must be absolutely sure that she has sufficient stake in your life, that even when she has a dream, you can finance her dream. Because that causes a power imbalance and sometimes, the person who makes the money thinks or believes that he/she should be the person to decide on how to spend it. No! Both of you should decide on how to spend it.

    Things may be rough at the onset, you may not get some of the things you want; but as you build together your relationship through thick and thin, you become more close/intimate. But if you put your mind on money alone, money may come, but because you have not built a relationship, money becomes useless to you.

So, as much as money is very important in relationships, you need to first of all build strength of character, godliness, righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. Be a person of character while you look towards the future and commit your future into the hands of God knowing that though your beginnings may be small, your later end will greatly be increased.

    As a woman, you should encourage your husband because his ego is affected by how much he has sometimes. When he can’t pay for some things, encourage him with kind gestures and compliments and let him feel like the man he is. Pray earnestly for him.

    Remember that, you have a God, the One you can always depend on whenever you face challenges; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

    Never compromise anything for your marriage. May the Lord help you in Jesus’ name. Amen.                                                                                                                                                         

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIP PART 1: (HOW FINANCES AFFECT MARITAL RELATIONSHIP)

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Is it possible to experience true love without money? Why is it that people are experiencing challenges with money in their relationships? Are there things people can do in order to have a good relationship and money will not be a problem? What are the things you need to do and look for when dating or when we get married about money?

Matthew 19:1-6 (NLT)

The Scriptures says that, when you get married to someone, you are united together into one. That is, when you come to the altar, when you say I do, you say I do to everything about the man or woman. You need to consider this very well so that you don’t have to say what did I do afterwards. When you say I do, you say I do to his/her ways of life. So, emotions should not be a major factor to be considered in deciding on who to marry. Emotions change, that is why it is called “e-motions”; meaning “always changing”. Therefore, if you base your decisions only on emotions, your emotions may change about the person because they are very fickle.

So, to decide on whether to marry someone or not, you need to consider so many things. When you begin to consider first how to have sex before marriage, you will stop to consider important issues, of which money or finance is an important issue.

Life Action Ministries defined marriage as stated below:

1.   A holy covenant 

2.   Initiated by God

3.  Conditioned on an irrevocable promise

4.  Oneness with an imperfect person of the opposite sex

5.  For a lifetime

6. To glorify God

Oneness with an imperfect person implies that you are not looking for someone who is perfect, but you are looking for someone who you are perfect together, someone who is perfect for you. You should know then that your mindset and thinking about money is different from his/her mindset and thinking about the same. Therefore, when you come into a relationship, you need to ensure that such mindset is worked on before you say I do.

There are three most important issues in any relationship or marriage, namely:

1.      Communication: When both of you build a good communication, you will have a good marriage.

2.      Sex in marriage: When you are satisfied with the issue of sex in marriage, it is a pointer that you will have a good marriage.

3.      Money: This is one of the most important issues in marriage. It is unavoidable that must be discussed before and after marriage. Money is more romantic than divorce. Couples who disagree about finances once a week are more likely to divorce than couples who disagree a few times a week about finances. Once you keep disagreeing once a week, there is likelihood it ends up in divorce. Also, 45% of money talks among partners end up in argument. (Ref: American Express Spending and Tracker Survey). Once you start argument in your relationship, you begin to introduce dangerous things into it. You can have disagreement, but avoid argument. Argument is usually a strong destructive emotion. Spend more time in discussing on constructive issues in your relationships and marriage and doing constructive things.(Ref: American Express Spending and Tracker Survey).

If two people are in a relationship and they spend more time arguing, they are spending more time on destructive issues, you may need to break such relationship because you are agreeing on important things.

Some people indulge in pre-nuptial agreement, this anticipates divorce. It is only because of money and physical resources. However, though money is important, money should not be the reason you marry someone. This is because money doesn’t have loyalty; it doesn’t have character or traits. It doesn’t like or hate you. It is neutral to life. Proverbs 23:5. Money develops wings and then flies away. If you marry someone because of money, once the money finishes, the person will turn away from you. That is why you should know the reason someone wants to get married to you; especially if you are someone with resources.

There are some people who want to get married because they want children. Once you have given them children, such will tell you that you have finished your duty and then abandon you. Some need someone to take care of them, while some need someone to pay their bills. So, you need to investigate why someone wants to get married to you.

You need someone who believes what God believes about you and someone who will be committed to achieving what God believes about you. You need someone who has a vision.

Why is money so important in a relationship?

1.      Money is a support system:  It determines your comfort level. All the things that make you comfortable in this world are monetized. Clothes, cars, houses, etc are monetized, you need to buy them. Imagine you are married and your wife is pregnant, but you don’t have a car, do you think money will determine your comfort level or not? The kind of schools your children can attend and where you live all depend on or are determined by money. Holidays cost money. Whether you go on holiday to a distant place or near places is all determined by money. So, it is a support system. Without this, you will barely be surviving. If your genuine needs are not being met consistently over an extended period of time because of financial difficulties, it will affect the harmony of your relationship. Because, frustration will set in and it will put you under emotional pressure. Therefore, it will be difficult to perform the duties (sexual, physical, financial and emotional duties) you are required to perform. Once you have emotional pressure, you have emotional imbalance. Though, you may be in a situation of lack, you need to realize and acknowledge God as your source of financial provision. The solution is not in frowning but in the word of God. Job 15:12 (MSG). When your emotions take over when you lack money in a relationship and you are under emotional pressure or tension, you begin to speak fire. Whatever you speak is what will happen in your relationship. Proverbs 14:30. When there is provision for you, it is robust body. Sound mind will make you look good and healthier. Lack of money corrodes your body and makes your think too much causing hypertension. You income level will determine the kind of problem you will have or face in a relationship. Low income people, there major problem is access to resources is usually difficult. This will increase there stress level and often result into fighting and poor health. For medium and high income people, there problem is not usually about getting the money, but about spending it. That is, accountability.

You can’t live on love, you need money to survive. We live in the world, though not of the world; if they spend money in the world, we will need money in order to build healthy and successful relationships in the world. Money is neutral, neither good nor bad and neither positive nor negative. It can be a source of security or anxiety, comfort or curiosity. God has created us with good tastes to richly enjoy all things; money changes our taste and gives enjoyment.

2.      Money can be an opportunity for power or impotence: When a man doesn’t have money, it affects his ego and renders him incapable.

Why is money a big source of problem to married people who have said they are committed to one another? It is important because we are from different backgrounds and have seen money from different views. Some come from a background that encourages people to save, some otherwise while others are from an indifferent or neutral background.  In a relationship, when you have different opinions about your expenditures, you need to discuss and balance yourselves. Because, a saver always concentrates on the future; when you do that you may neglect what you need to do in the present that can build your relationship and bring both of you closer to better intimacy. Therefore, it is not how much money you have or don’t have that matters, but it is your attitude to money that matters. You need to know your attitude to money as well as your partner's attitude to money before you get married.

1 Timothy 6:6-10. The love of money is the root of all evil. Love of anything above God is idolatry. If you want to marry someone and you discover he/she loves money too much, it is a signal that he/she may love money more than they love you and may sacrifice you for money. He/she may give up on you for money because he/she loves money more than you.

FEW THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU MARRY SOMEONE YOU ARE DATING

1.      Is he/she looking who will pay his/her bills? Is he/she a gold digger who wants to enjoy the benefit of reaping what he/she hasn’t sown? Perhaps, he/she is a leech, that every where you go, he/she is always asking you for money. Or always ask you for the things he/she can’t afford. Does he/she expect you to pay for everything always? When you are in a relationship and people are compelling you to buy something (affordable or non-affordable) for him/her, you need to be careful because you are not married yet.

2.      Is he/she secretive about his/her finances? Does he/she tell you ho much he/she earns?

3.      Does he/she control you with money? Does he/she demands you to do something before he/she gives you money or gifts? Does he/she see money as a power tool? Any person who sees money as a power tool will always want to subjugate you.

4.      Is he/she stingy or frivolous about money? Is he/she a saver or spender? You need to know if he/she consistently loves buying things on credit or not? Such a person becomes a debtor. How can you marry a debtor or arbitrary borrower?

5.      Is he/she a lazy person or very industrious? If he/she is lazy, it will surely affect you when you get marry. Proverbs 21:25.

You need to trust God for your financial life. It good to save and have financial plans, but God is always the true source of wealth. He teaches our hands to make wealth. Deuteronomy 8:18.

Money is very important in a relationship before you get married, but it is very important that you sort it out before you get married.

To be continued...

 

HANDLING PRIDE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, The Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

One of the most important vices that must be overcome in order to have a fruitful and successful relationship is PRIDE. Many people have made a mess of their lives and relationships due to pride.

When a known Christian falls into a sin of fornication and carelessly gets pregnant, it is often due to pride, at times, when he/she get puffed up with the knowledge you think you have about relationship

Even married couples need to deal with it too because it is very destructive. Lucifer was sent out of heaven because of it. Ezekiel 28. There are know and unknown things in our lives that often give elevated opinions about ourselves. We need to watch out. There are so many people who have lost their gifts because of pride.

There is always something in your life that you look at that causes you to be prideful and therefore based on that you become prideful to others and elevate yourself unusually. There is nothing we have that we didn’t receive. Why do you boast as if you were self-made? There is no self-made man; you should realize that all glory must return to God.

Pride is deeply in the heart of every man and this makes us to tend to discuss and compare ourselves with others when we meet. It is part of human nature to compare oneself with others. So, you need to deal with it.

DEFINITIONS

1.      Pride always have resultant effects and causes you to sin. Pride leads to anger, anger leads to malice, malice leads to hatred and hatred leads to others sins. This is how pride progresses on in sin. It was through pride that the Devil became the devil. Every time you are prideful, you become an opponent of God.

2.      Pride is simply thinking you are better than somebody else. It reflects in a relationship when your partner is not willing to hear your opinions on a matter, thereby making you feel like a moron. It is a deceiving spirit that makes you feel you are always right and makes you despise spiritual instructions and advices. It will hinder you from seeking for useful counsels and advices because you think you know. You always want endorsement. It results into failure at all times.

3.      Pride is the absence of humility and teachable spirit. Prideful people also boast that they don’t change their minds. It is self worship or idolatry as such that you believe you are your own god.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH PRIDE?

1.      Pride changes your way of thinking from best to worst. You think only about yourself where you feel your opinions, feelings and emotions are superior at all times. As such, you will always hurt others and never say “I am sorry” when you are wrong.

2.      Pride makes you prone to mistakes and errors. Proverbs 11:2. Prideful people always miss out useful information needed to make best decisions because they feel they know. Therefore, they will always make serious mistakes and errors. Not accepting possible mistakes committed is a sign of pride. With mistakes come shame and destruction. Pride steals your identity. Prideful people always want the spot light to be on them and are usually selfish. He/she wants the partner to always be centre of attraction and become intimidated if otherwise. Then, tries to manipulate him or her as to dominate.

3.      Pride is the source of contention and friction or conflict in a relationship. Proverbs 13:10. There is nothing as honourable as learning to say “sorry”. A lot of people seek after who is right rather than what is right. Men have a lot of ego; therefore, women have to learn submission. To do this, you have to be filled with the Holy Spirit and always speak in tongues so as to be able to always speak right and use helpful words.

4.      Pride makes you blind to your fault, disregard other people’s views and disrespect them. It makes you non-progressive and obstinate. Any thing that the Spirit can’t change in you makes you prideful.

WHY IS PRIDE TO BE DEALT WITH?

        1.      It is a sin. Proverbs 21:4 (MSG). Any prideful man is distinguished by wickedness.

        2.      It will be punished and judged by God. Proverbs 16:5 (NLT).

        3.      God hates pride. Proverbs 6:16. God resists the proud people and makes it makes you become          God’s opponent. James 4:6.

        4.      It is a route to destruction. Proverbs 16:18.

        5.      It takes you far from God. Psalms 10:4. When you are in a relationship and you are prideful, God stays far away from you.

        6.      It makes you a fool.

        7.      It is a recipe for disgrace and shame. Daniel 5:20 (NKJV). When you get into pride, your heart and spirit get hardened. That is when you become obstinate.

        8.      It short-circuits your life and relationships. Ecclesiastes 7:8.

HOW TO HANDLE PRIDE

1 Corinthians 13:4; Ephesians 4:2

1.    Walk in love and be patient with people:  People will make mistakes because they are not up to your standard, so be very patient with them. You should know and understand that there are people that are better and richer than you. God is so generous that He makes all things go. That is why charm is deceitful and beauty fades away or disappears with time.

2.    Always be humble and gentle:         It is impossible to be humble without being gentle. How you want to be treated, treat others. Humility pleases God. In life, because we all have different views and dealings, it is not wrong to have a different opinions and thoughts. You agree to disagree. So, you should also disagree to agree. With humility comes honour. Every time you want to have your way, check your spiritual antenna because it takes the Spirit to be humble and gentle.
Marriage is like a service; if you should compete, compete on who to serve most not otherwise. The best way you enjoy sex in marriage is to have the attitude of servicehood, a situation where you always seek to give desirable pleasure and satisfaction to your partner.
It takes humility to learn and carry out servicehood. That you are a jovial person doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have boundaries. You should draw and define boundaries. Every relationship should have a boundary.

May the Lord help you with His Spirit and strengthen your faith in Him. Amen.

INTEGRITY AND HONESTY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle

(President, Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)

Genesis 2:25

HONESTY

At the beginning, everything was clear as day and clearly open between the first man, Adam and his wife, Eve. Though, they both saw each other’s nakedness, shame, humiliation and embarrassment, yet were not ashamed.

Today, some people are embarrassed about their partners because of the pieces of information they have gotten about them. If you will have a fruitful relationship, there should not be any secret or lies. You must be open at all times. For your relationship to be fruitful, you must pursue truth.

God was the Center of the first man and woman’s relationship, and He covered them with His glory. So, they had no shame and saw each other’s secret.

The reason people lie about their true status or full status is simply because they want to gain advantage and put their partners in the dark. So, a lady who has had past abortion will not want to disclose it to her partner. You should be honest and truthful because something challenging may be waiting for you in the future which will then be as a result of the fear of being jilted. It is easier to reveal secrets that won’t hurt or that will benefit you than otherwise. Both parties must be committed to truth and the Lord Jesus Christ, because He is the Truth. John 8:32.

Honesty is the foundation of any meaningful relationship. It is being truthful, sincere and far away from deceit. Integrity is being whole and indivisible. Some people are so different in different seasons and situations. So, you need to see them in these different seasons and situations before you decide on love as to marriage.

When there is honesty in a relationship, it will be easy for you to trust each other. When someone is committed to truth, you can trust him or her.

When you are in a relationship, you need to ask yourself if you can stand-in for your partner or not? Else, if you marry, you will regret ever doing so.

Truth is conformity to fact and reality. When you are honest to each other, you will be able trust each other and know the whole truth about each other. Trust is firm believe in someone or something.

Honesty is something you do on a consistent basis. Where there is trust, there is growth. Relationship cannot grow in situations where there are suspicions. Both of you must be committed to telling each other the truth at all times. You must be honest in your speech and actions. Avoid systematic or deliberate avoidance of truth. You simply weave a tangled web when you practice deceit. Telling lies is stressful, because you need to always remember what you said last. You always want to cover lies and become inconsistent.

HONESTY

Therefore, when you are in a relationship, don’t compromise the virtue of honesty. Avoid emotional deceit too. You can always consider someone for a relationship if he or she is first of all true to himself or herself, then also true to you.

Honesty is a reflection of good character. Someone who is not honest does not have good characters. When you rehearse and meditate on God’s word and allow it to live inside you, it will be quickly generated and be your response when lies come to you in order to sieve them out.

When you are in a relationship, it is about the pursuit of truth in all aspects of life, so as to know if you are compatible or not and if you can walk together.

For others to be truthful to you, you have to first be truthful to yourself; and to be truthful to yourself, you need to first discover yourself. People compromise their values because of untruthfulness to self. Tell yourself the truth always. Ask yourself what you want and why you want what you want. You should know your motives. If your motives are wrong your actions will always be wrong. Your actions will always be coloured by your motives.

When you live in dishonesty because you don’t tell yourself the truth, you become enslaved and get into captivity and live a stressful life. It is only in an atmosphere of freedom that you can experience growth.

Some people start to conform to their partners’ demands in order to please their spouses even in a relationship and therefore stop being themselves.

When a relationship breaks, what is painful is whether you have lost your identity or can you regain who you are. If all you are doing in a relationship is to stop being yourself, please your partner and try to become someone else; it becomes a syndrome of unworthiness, that is, inferiority complex.

If there is something you cannot continue in marriage, don’t start it in a relationship. Don’t start what you cannot continue in marriage when you are in a courtship. When you are not true and honest with yourself, you compromise your standards. Ephesians 4:25 (NLT).

HONESTY

Without integrity and honesty in a relationship, the relationship will disintegrate. True intimacy is only possible when there is truth and honesty. Intimacy is about gradual relationship built on truth. You feel more pains when you break up a relationship not because you break up, but because you fail to tell yourself truth about yourself and had avoided certain truths about your partner. You keep quite because you are afraid of hurting him or her, because truth is bitter and really hurts. But lies hurt more.

You must always give people opportunity to ask questions and express themselves in order to be honest and tell you the truth always. Sin will thrive in secrecy, so always allow your spouse to express himself or herself.

Relationship is about the pursuit of truth. Truth about the past, present and future. Where there is no truth, there can be no honesty. And where there is no honesty, there can be no integrity which is a foundation of good relationship.

Truth is synonymous to light. When truth is revealed, you should pause and find out if you can go on or not. Don’t struggle with it. When you struggle, you build on lies. Constant communication is crucial to the discovery of truth in a relationship. If you have not discussed it, you are not in a relationship.

Proverbs 11:20 (MSG); Proverbs 14:2.

God cannot stand deceivers. An honest life is a respect before God and people will always see you in the light of God. When you hide truth, you don’t just hurt your partner; but you hurt yourself as well and deprive yourself many good things. If you hide the truth, you deprive yourself the opportunity of meeting your needs in a relationship.

When you don’t give people opportunity to ask questions, you give them opportunity to crack their brain on philosophies on how to reason out things. Save them all of these and answer their questions.

WHAT HONESTY DOES IN A RELATIONSHIP?

  1.  Honesty ensures time is not wasted in a relationship and you don’t have a heart break.

  2.  It keeps you from stress (stress-free) because you are not using your time scheming.

  3.  It builds trust and focus in a relationship.

Marriage is stressful enough, therefore, apply wisdom in deciding so as not to add more stress.

Don’t tell a woman “I love you” if you don’t mean it. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you.