Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle
(The President of Singles Fellowship, The Fountain of Life Church)
Character is like a foundation. It is a spring board from which all we do and say in life comes. If this foundation should crack, so many other things in your life will be cracked. The truth is that there are so many people who do not have the right character.
The attitude anyone needs to learn first of all is how to reveal Christ to people so that we can actively represent Him. Character is not about subtraction (that is, taking away), it is about addition.
2 Peter 1:5 says, “...add to your faith virtue, knowledge, self control, perseverance, godliness, kindness, and love.”
Respect is on of the vital building blocks in the life of a man.
1 Samuel 30:1-15.
Ziglag is a place where David stayed; he was raided while he was away. When he came back, he was very distressed when he found out that his wives, his children, his men’s wives and their children too had all been taken away. In the midst of the distress, they found a slave who ordinarily was a nonentity. Somebody who people would say was no use, and to prove this, his master must have abandoned him there thinking he was of no use to him any longer. This was somebody he had served for so long, but because he became sick, his master thought things were more important than him; therefore he left him.
Now let me ask you, if it was his master’s son that was sick, would he have left his son? No. But because he thought this guy was of no use, the animals can kill him in the wilderness or whoever sees him can kill him and he would even die of hunger. But somebody else – David found him. Now, David was in distress, agony and pain, which he felt he had lost everything. Even the people whom he had given a life that had no life before, his men started talking about stoning him. Now, if you were in that position, you’ve lost everything that you’ve worked for; even the people you have helped to climb the ladder of life are now against you; if anyone of them comes to you, I’m sure you will disrespect the person.
Now he found somebody who was part of the people who raided him. The first thing he did was to offer him food and drink until he regained his full strength.
There are so many of us that sometimes, we despise and disrespect the gifts that God has given to us, because we think those people are beneath us. Because we think that we are better than some people. David was distressed so it was a good situation for him not to show respect to anyone and the same thing happens to us a number of times. We are pressed and often under a lot of pressure and here come somebody willing to meet you or relate with you. Because of that pressure, you disrespect the person forgetting that he or she may be a gift to you.
David prayed and God told him, pursue, you will overtake. Sometimes, we pray for miracles to happen in our lives and God tells that that miracle is going to happen. You pray ‘Lord, where is my husband? Lord where my wife is?’ and God says ‘Soon you will meet your wife; soon you will meet your husband.’ And that person comes, because you are under pressure, you disrespect the person. Because you think ‘I am under pressure,’ you disrespect the gift. That’s not your portion in Jesus Name.
At times, we loose things and it is the little foxes, the Bible says that spoil the vine, the things we do not think are important, they are so important that they take us off course, therefore today you need to start paying attention to the little things that you think does not matter.
Be careful how you treat people and what you tell people in times of distress, because you may disrespect your gift.
Respect is defined as esteem for or a sense of the worth of excellence of a person. It is also defined as to show regard or consideration. You can also say that it is acknowledging that someone has value and worth. This does not mean that you agree with what people say all the time, but you still treat them like you know they have worth, they have value. It is a spirit of reverence for people. And it is not where they are or what they are doing; you need to give them respect.
If you read Roman 12:10, the later part of it, one version says “...give each other more honour, than you want for yourself...” Many of us want people to honour us, respect us, but do you respect people?
1 Peter 2:17 (New Living Translation Bible) “Respect everyone...”
No matter what their class it, no matter who they are, ‘respects everyone’ The Bible has not put a condition. If they respect you, respect them... is that what the Bible says? No. It is absolute
... and love your Christian brothers and sisters, fear God and respect the King
1 Peter 2:17 (The Message Bible) “Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your Spiritual family. Revere God, respect the government.”
Do you know what it means to treat everyone with dignity? Because they are Kings and Queens in their own right. The Bible says that God has made us in his image, so if I disrespect anyone, I disrespect the image of God upon that life. We all know that God does not show partiality. The Bible says that God is not partial; He is no respecter of a person. I have found out that human beings are prone to attaching values on others based on what he sees on them.
If a brother walks in now and he is wearing a ‘powerful’ shirt, you’ll attach some value to him. Or you come into church and see a brother or a sister driving a BMW 3 Series, you’ll say “ah this sister must have value” You have defined her/him by their car. It’s amazing to know how people categorize others like they categorize cars. ‘Oh, this one must be a “Jeep”, this one is a ‘504’, this one is a Toyota Corolla 1975 Model, this one, is a Benz, this one is Rolls Royce, that’s how we categorize people and because of that, we now treat people based on the way we categorize them. If the person you’ve categorized in your mind as a Jeep steps up to you, there is a way most people look at them with despise, and they may have something.
Respecting people helps you to learn because there is something they have that you don’t have. When you learn to respect people, you gain knowledge. You categorize them and you behave to them based on you perception and because of that, you loose a gift God wants to bless you with. Every man is a blessing. There is a blessing that can come from them because they are created in the image of God. That’s why the Bible says I wish that no man will perish.
It is not what they are wearing or what they are driving that gives them value. What gives them value is that first of all, they are created in the image of God. Therefore, you should start to see people in the right light so that we can respect them, and you won’t lose your gifts. Someone said, it is easy and even ego boosting to respect people similar to us, but it is valuing people different from us that convinces the most noble on respect. Value people and give them the respect they deserve.
How you treat others is a reflection of your relationship with God. If you treat others shabbily and you don’t treat them well, you don’t have a good relationship with God. The Bible says that,”God is love”. If God fills your heart, love will feel your heart, and unconditional love will fill your heart - the love of God has been shared abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. You can’t be someone who studies and meditates on the word of God, who has a relationship with the word of God, who prays, who stays in the presence of God; yet not talk about God to others. There is no way that you get in the word of God that God will not rub on you; and when God rubs on you, when you talk to people, you will talk God to them.
Can you imagine if every time you annoy God, He says something, everybody will be dead? So we need to know how to value people and it is based on our relationship with God. When you stop respecting people, take a look at yourself and ask what the kind of your relationship with God is? Do I have a good relationship with God? I am tired of Christians saying “Oh I am a Christian, and you cannot see it in the fruits.
I was ministering somewhere recently and God opened my eyes to something in 1John 2:15-17, that all that is in the world is a craving for physical things and craving for pleasure. You know why we are having a lot of divorces in the church, it’s because we are following the standards of the world and we are getting the results of the world. We are following Hollywood rather than ‘HOLY WORD.’ People will continue to get divorced in the church if we want to do it the way of the world. It is in the world that if you don’t respect me I won’t respect you. But it is different in the scriptures; it is different in the Bible because you are to present God to people at all times.
The reason some people are not married today is because they can’t respect people. It is difficult for them to respect people. If you can’t respect people now, when you are not in a relationship, when you get into a relationship, when the boundaries are much closer, you won’t respect the person. Your single time is a training ground for you.
HOW TO RESPECT OTHERS
1. LISTENING: One of the things you do in respecting people is listening. For someone to come and talk to you sometimes (I am not talking about gossip), they have shown you some respect. What you need to do is to give them some respect, at least listen to them regardless their state. Some people walk up to you, maybe in the church and before you know it, you are already moving away from them.
2. YOUR SPEECHES AND ACTIONS: Our respects show up in our speeches and actions. You can look at somebody and right there they know you have disrespected them, especially women know how to do that a lot. They look at somebody from head to toe and quickly size up their shoes and dresses.
3. BE CONSIDERATE: One of the ways you can respect people is to be considerate to them. So many people are not considerate. You need to get to a point were you put yourself in their shoes, where you consider the other person before yourself. In Nigeria, it is difficult for most people to be considerate because they think something will finish. When you are driving on the highway, you will notice this. If we were to queue up here now to receive some things, you will see how some people will push others and disrespect them, because they think it will finish. What if you don’t get? It is not the end of life. What we are sharing doesn’t define your life.
4. AVOID ASSUMPTION: Don’t assume. So many of us assume things. When you see someone in a situation you just start to assume or when people tell you something, you start to make assumptions. ‘This guy must be a sinner that is why this has happened to him.’ And based on that, you begin to judge them. So many people judge others to defend God. Even if somebody sins, yes they have committed fornication, theft, and so on; then you now judge them because you say ‘I am the holy one, I am representing God.’ Thereby judging others to defend God. Even God did not judge them. There is His God’s love saying, ‘I know it was a mistake, but you can come back.’
Character is like an aroma, it will draw people to you, because people like people who respect people. Many people lack simple courtesy or manners. For instance, ‘excuse me’, ‘thank you’, ‘sorry.’ This is common to men than women. Therefore, men must learn to be able to say, ‘I am sorry’ when he is wrong. Some people always think they are right, though this happens among both sexes.
5. LET HIS OR HER OPINION COUNT: If you are dating someone and he does not think that you should have an opinion, he is disrespecting you, he is disrespecting your parents that sent you to school, that spent money on you to go and learn how to think, saying that they have wasted their money. Also, He is disrespecting God because you read from the word of God and the Word of God gives you wisdom. He is telling you that the wisdom you are taking from God is no wisdom. There are some things we do of which we don’t know their implications. So, if you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t think your opinion counts, break the relationship today, because it is not going to change. Some people believe that marriage is a rehabilitation centre. When I get married to him, he will change or I will change him (because you are the Holy Ghost?).Marriage is not a rehabilitation centre, if he has not changed now, he won’t change; it will take the Holy Ghost to spin him or her around and bring a change to his or her life.
Therefore, you need to make a conscious effort to respect others. Respecting people doesn’t just fall on you, it is always by choice, and line upon line, precept upon precept, and the practice makes the perfect. If you do it over and over and over again, it will become part of your nature; then everybody who comes to you will be duly respected. You will give them the value that God places on them. Do you know what it means to value people the way God values them? It is only God that can bring you to do so. That’s why the way you value people, is a reflection of your relationship with God.
A husband or a wife who had an extra marital affair (outside marriage); such is disrespecting his or her spouse. People will listen to you easily and cooperate with you easily if you respect them. Because everybody likes to be treated like a Queen or King. You won’t need so much energy or so much effort to get their attention when needed.
If you have a friend and you relate always, let it be such that when you ask the person out, she doesn’t has to reconsider you request. You realize at a point in your friendship that, perhaps you are being led by the Holy Spirit; day in day out, when that guy asks you out, you know already. Some people say ‘I want to go and pray about it.’ Most people never prayed about it, they will rejoice about it. When you ask someone out, some people have doubts about you because of the things you have done.
If you place value on people, you won’t have a lot of conflicts with them. An often time, what causes conflicts is due to different opinions. So many people fight in their relationships simply because of disrespect, someone’s opinions are not being heard or a character issue of wanting to be first rather than preferring the other to yourself.
Never make any commitment to anyone in order to get to him or her, not even to date him or her, if they don’t show you respect. If they do not respect you, don’t commit to them. The thing about respect is this, when people are respecting you, you may not know, but when they disrespect you, you know. For instance, it becomes second place for you to say “thank you, excuse me, and so on. But, if I rush through the door and hit you, I’m sure you will look and say, “Who is this guy?” Especially, if it is a lady “wow, no manners!” therefore, it is normal to us to know and quickly observe when the wrong things happen to us.
THINGS THAT AFFECT SHOWING RESPECT TO OTHERS
There are two things that affect respect, they are:
1.OUR WORDS
2.OUR ACTIONS
Sometimes when you correct people, you need to watch what you tell them and your actions. Though they have done something wrong, but you can still disrespect them. The truth is, it is not about being right, but it’s about doing the right thing all the time. Even when somebody has done something wrong, if you need to correct them, you need to correct in love properly.
Proverbs 15:2 (Amplified Bible) says, “The tongue of the wise utters knowledge rightly, but the mouth of the self confident fool, pours out folly.”
Self confidence; you are sure you know it. 1 Corinthians 13 says “...knowledge puffs up...” You are sure you are right but the Bible says, ‘The mouth of the self confident fool pours out folly; but the tongue of the wise utters knowledge rightly.’ So, even though someone may be wrong, it doesn’t give you the right to disrespect them.
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language; let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
(The Message Bible) “Watch the way you talk...” (Even when you are angry, when someone upsets you, when you are right).
Let nothing foul or dirty come out from your mouth. Say only what helps, each word is a gift.
Some people when someone has done wrong, they will now bury them more. Yes the guy is down; you don’t need to dip him further down.
Colossians 4:6 says, “Let our words be seasoned with salt...” What does seasoning do? It adds flavour to food, preserves food, heals open sores, comforts and gives healing. Seasoning will add flavour. Let what you say add flavour irrespective of what happens.
From the story we read at the beginning, what David said added flavour to that guy’s life, else he would have died. He also preserved his life and this brought healing to his sores. We should ensure that as we treat people, one of the major things that we need to work on is our mouth because we use it a lot to disrespect people.
Proverbs 10:11 (The Message Bible) says, “The mouth of a good person is a deep life giving well, but the mouth of the wicked is a dark cave of abuse.”
As you go out today, make it a conscious effort to say, ‘I see God on people; they are created in the image of God. I am not going to despise the image of God, no matter what the situation is.’ And in doing that, you will see that when your gift comes to you, you will treat your gift the way God wants you to treat it.
God bless you.
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